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29, FTM, not all who wander are lost

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Dragunov
 
Joined in 2013
February 14, 2013, 05:50

Hello all…


I came to Australia some years ago as a skilled migrant, and also to be with my partner but we broke up. He is a bisexual man in Adelaide. Before that I knew I was not straight for a long time and had trouble both in the church and the military, I was always quite miserable. Sorry, I don't feel comfortable posting where I came from on a public forum just in case the people who jailed me once ever find me again.


Australia is a happier place where I have worked and studied, and am now looking for more work. I am able to see doctors and get testosterone and speak to a psychiatrist on Skype. I was very pleasantly surprised to learn that being trans does not mean I can only work as a sex worker. I thank God that I still have excellent health and nothing but my sexuality and spirituality to create conflicts in my life. Most of the earlier problems with the church came from a Pentecostal one that my family went to for a couple of years. They were so weird, chanting and being 'slain' during service and insisting that we be baptised again despite having been earlier baptised in a Methodist church. Even though the Methodist church we used to go to held the stance that homosexuality was wrong, they did not focus on it or try to change people beyond praying for them. Fortunately I was quite young in those days and not yet conscious of my orientation or gender identity and heard nothing more than a little grumbling for not acting feminine. The Pentecostal church expected everyone to tithe a lot of money to them and my family was already struggling to pay off debts – we saw them keep renovating the building to be more and more luxurious and be very wasteful with water and electricity such as running the airconditioning even when nobody was around – and questioned where our money was going to. We were slowly, subtly pressured to leave.


I guess I grew to understand my gender identity very slowly compared to most because I'm the sort of person who doesnt spend much time in self-exploration. My theory is that this very basal level of self-awareness is what protected me and allowed me to survive being abused and ridiculed for years. I simply chose not to explore my body or self image, so I ate, drank and romanced whatever I wanted and simply tossed the insults into the 'too hard to understand' mental box. It made it easier for me to just accept that I had the wrong body for my gender and get on with life. However, the testosterone has helped and I actually like how I look now and need to put some thought into being a bit more social. I live two hours out of Melbourne in the country and have so far identified exactly four people who would identify as queer nearby so most of my friends are straight.


I am quite shy that people might bash me again so I spend most of my time alone. As I have an interest in firearms and militaria and love to cook for my friends, I have taken up hunting and in my spare time. Although it has gone well and has been good exercise and food for me, my friends told me to be careful because a lot of gun owners are fundamentalist Christian and sadly I have since encountered them on unfriendly terms. I also have some Muslim friends that I have had to protect from local extremists. I also hike a lot and volunteer with the Country Fire Authority.


I want to meet more gay-accepting Christians so I joined this forum and will drive to attend the 15 Feb meetup in Melbourne.


Some years ago I lived in SA and attended the Metropolitan Community Church there but it closed down. I continued to visit the same building and joined the Quakers instead. But having had to physically defend myself and my friends multiple times…I'm not sure if I can be a Quaker anymore because of the need to be pacifist. My conscience was and still is clear about not having turned the other cheek when hit.


I have tried using the email form and calling the Metropolitan Community Church in Melbourne but have not been able to get through. At least I have this site right? 🙂



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
February 14, 2013, 10:13

Hi Dragunov

Welcome to f2b! 🙂

It's great that you will be attending the Melbourne f2b meeting tomorrow night. I think you will find everyone very friendly and accepting. Send Michelle (who runs the group with partner, Linda), a private message if you require more information and she will be happy to help and make you feel welcome.

Also have a read of some stories here if you haven't already.

I'm sorry to hear that you hvaen't gotten through to the Metropolitan church. I have heard that the Williamstown Uniting church have just taken on a very dynamic and fabulous lesbian minister who is apprently doing an excellent job there. That might be another place to check out.

Blessings,

Ann Maree



Dragunov
 
Joined in 2013
February 14, 2013, 20:33

Thank you for the welcome Ann. I contacted Linda instead through the phone number on the listing for the event and had a pleasant chat.



mrg
 
Joined in 2010
February 16, 2013, 12:05

Great to meet you last night Dragunov, and to chat a bit further on the way home!


Hope you found the discussion helpful and the night lots of fun!


Matt



Dragunov
 
Joined in 2013
February 20, 2013, 17:39

Indeed I did! It was great to meet others on the same path. Thanks for the welcome! 🙂



Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
February 22, 2013, 16:12

Hi Dragunov,


Big welcome to F2B from me too :). Wow that was fantastic you were able to get to the Melbourne F2B meeting. Great to be able to connect with people, nothing like a good old chat 🙂 Every F2B person I have met so far have been very friendly and accepting. So glad you found this site, this group is awesome.


Sounds like you have been through a bit in your life, I'm sure you will find love, acceptance and support here. I admire you for standing up for yourself and your friends. Being a Christian does not mean you have to be a doormat.


God Bless



Dragunov
 
Joined in 2013
February 22, 2013, 22:56

Hi all,


I've patiently read through many of the stories on the site and noticed that the most severe abuse seems to stem from the Pentecostal and revivalist-type churches. This hardly surprises me as I've had for years a personal interest in keeping tabs on the movement, its networks and its rise to power amongst more moderate and tolerant churches. Its an extensive topic of discussion beyond the scope of my welcome thread and something that might be better suited to an info session with activists. I spoke to Matt on the drive home about some of my experiences in detail.


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