Hi everyone!!

I would like to share my story with you.

My name is Roger..I’m a gay christian. I love God with all my heart and all my being.

I grew up with Christian parents who I love dearly. They were so good to me all the way through my childhood. They just loved me for the gay child they knew they had. I couldn’t tell if that bothered them when I was younger, but the cracks started to show at around the age of 14. They started to go to counseling together, to talk about it… That made me fell like a freak, a mutant, defected.. The whole thing was a cone of silence. It was around this time when I realy started to show some wild behaviour. I was in the ‘cool’ group at school, and we got up to all sorts of mayhem. This lead us to the lure of drugs and alochol….of which I had a long love affair with…..unill I received Christ into my heart!!

It was at this point that my life was renewed, and the bottle and the drugs were finished with…never to be taken again..praise to God!! There was no way in this world that I could have got clean and sober, without the renewal that is Jesus..

I had all the usual dramas of teenhood. Fell in love with best friend, disconnected from the world etc…

I got wasted for 15 years to dull the pain of being gay. I hated being gay, still do, just got to get my head around it..?.

I realy despised the fact that everyone around me was in happy straight, baby la la land..and I was stuck with this rock on my back the size of a building… lugging it around everywhere I went, family do’s, friends family’s, work..!! It was heavy man (but you all know that!).

I came out to my family with a letter that I left for them, right berore I was going overseas for 2 months. This was the only way I could do it. I simply coulnd’t bring myself to say the words. I promised myself that I would tell them on my 30th birthday…I was 33 when I came out (now 34). It took me three years of determination. I realy, realy tried but never seemed to be the right time. Hence the letter.

Everybody I knew, knew I was gay. I mean I was 33 and had never had a girl friend…haha!!

I wish I had done it sooner..

This past year (2010) was the toughest time yet. I had been saved for a year. I was flying for 12 months, then I had my landing and began a year of part time bible college. I’ll never forget the first class. We were introduced to the lectures etc. The pastor of the church that was hosting the college, spoke about the importance of the ‘word’…and it being the whole reason for us being there. This was all cool, yep..that’s what I’m here for..

Then he began with an example of the ‘word’, in the world we live in. In the week before, screened a ABC program on ‘Christianity and homosexuality’ (can’t remember the name). In this story there were representivites for both sides, sharing there views (I now know that you were one of them avb!!, respect). We’ll the pasor at college began to harp on about how the ‘christian gay ok’s’ , were miss quoting the bible and were wrong, wrong, wrong!!! I bit my toung, and just quietly staired.

Well,..this was my introduction to Bible college, and it kept comming up ALL THE TIME!! It’s like they knew and were trying to hurt me (we’ll they wern’t, it just felt like the whole room was out to tell me what they thought). I’m very hard to pick as gay to most people, especialy sitting in the front row of a Bible college lecture!!HA!

Each time the subject was discussed, and peoples dissaproval, ignorance and rejection was expressed, I felt a little bit more of me was being broken off. I would drive home in tears. It would take me weeks to regain my composure inside. I’ve never been hurt like that, and I didn’t like the fact that my voice was silent, it had to be, I was so affrraid. So the anger and rejection built inside me. It affected me so negativly, that I started to want to kill myself. I thought “I’m gay…and God thinks I’m a deviant..he thinks my natural attraction for men is perverted, and a dirty fantasy lived out”. I started to question if I was just a twisted individual..I mean, that’s what there telling me right!?? I didn’t want to live under that shame I felt from above…so I thought I would exit stage left..

I tried going straight…….nup!

So I’m in a place where I can finaly fell like I can start to talk about it.

I’m half out, half in. My close friends at church know and are realy supportive. My pastor is open to talk about it, though they beleive that I can change………….duuuurrr. I’m so sick of hetrosexuals saying that I ‘need to change”. I don’t need to change…I’m gay, end of story..!

BUT..(there’s usualy a but!)..I DONT GET THE PASSAGES IN THE BIBLE!!!

I can’t get past them… Especialy Romans, Timothy and 1Corinthians…

And it’s realy starting to bug me!!!

If I can just get to a place of understanding, what are they saying?? Then I could share and enlighten myself, my fellow christian and non-christians in my world. What a joy that would be, what a purpose for all the pain!!!! And find a comfort and peace that I’ve been searching for, for a very long time..

So that’s where I’m at… I’m good, but are praying and searching for a strong and out future!!

Thanks for reading me….

0:)

Hi Roger,

Welcome to F2B! And thanks for sharing your story with us. There are so many stories here that reflect much of what you have experienced and felt. But WOW! You have done well to get over and beyond those experiences at Bible College. And I can understand how you feel about ‘those scriptures’.

I struggled with picking up the bible for a long time, after leaving a church several years ago. I was sure that everytime I opened it, it would miraculously and somehow by divine inspiration open for me to read some scripture that would tell me how perverted I was and how much of a sinner I was. :bigsmile:

Thankfully, I have begun to see these particular scriptures that the Church / Christians prefer to use to denounce my orientation, in an entirely different light!

I actually started looking at the Resources section in the F2B site – so, like Ann Maree, I can recommend it as well.

Have you seen the articles in our resources section? There’s a couple of long ones but they take a sensible view of scripture concerning this subject. Here’s the link for one: http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/20763.htm

Anyway, it was good to read your story, and look forward to hearing more from you.

God Bless,

Hi Roger..

I wholeheartedly recommend Anthony Venn-Brown’s book, “A life of Unlearning”…I am sure you will relate to parts of it and it is very encouraging 🙂

Yes,..there is a heap of info in this site. It’s very refreshing!!

Thanks for taking the time to hear my story……

I’ve been digging in the internet, for everying I can read for the last few months, that’s how I can across freedom2b. I’ve been reading peoples stories every week and find my self, nodding and agreeing at the computer screen (probably very funny for a fly on the wall. ha!!).

I’m just taking it all in still. I’m definate that some of the verses are refering to human behavior, un related to sex/sexuality….. but I’m also very critical, and need revelation before full acceptance of interpretation.

Why do all the leaders of church movements agree that ‘gay’s no good’..??

I think it all begins with a knowing and understanding that we didn’t choose our sexuality……and from there a new understanding can be formed…??

Avb: I like your list!!

I’m at no.1 right now. It took me years just to get there!!

Moving into no.2

no.4 a long time ago

and can’t wait to get to no.7

I’m near the Gold Coast. I think there are meetings starting up in Brisbane soon??

yep……brisbane is next on our list.

Two things we need to make this happen.

1. Finance


2. Committed mature leadership