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44, gay male. Evangelical, charasmatic, christian, catholic

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gjjlong
 
Joined in 2009
October 24, 2009, 12:01

Hi there, I want too begin my story with this. Every person desires in their heart the knowledge that they matter and are accepted. I believe that deep in the heart of every human being dwells the desire too be connected with their creator and in turn too have that relationship translate too another human being. My journey too reconcile my sexuality and my faith began 20 years ago at a point in my life where I felt empty and alone. I began searching for answers to understand the meaning of my life as a gay man and as a human being. In the beginning of my journey I became a believer in Christ and began my relationship with my creator and I attended a non denominational/ charismatic church. I was open about my sexuality with my pastors and they accepted me as I was and I asked them too help me understand homosexuality and what my purpose was on this earth. They knew little about homosexuality just that it was a sin and that God had the answers. At that point a councilor was recomended too me and I began what is called repairitive therapy with the hope that I could be fixed and made right according too societal norms, meaning become straight. Well as time went by I did resolve issues from my past but not my sexual orientation. Now you need too know that none of these people did this too me out of hearts of malice but of love and wanting too help. It was at that point that I decided too seek God and I prayed and studied with all that was in me. The interesting part of all that study came this answer “to be at peace” and that God was with me and loved me just as I am. Oddly enough at that point I just couldn’t accept myself nor His answer for my life. You see I didn’t understand what being gay meant just that I was attracted too men. Mind you at that time I didn’t understand who I was period let alone being gay. Then through a series of unfortunate events I left that church, not because of my being gay but for other reasons that have no bearing on my story. Due too those events I was left confused and still no real answers too my sexuality. I longed too find someone or some organisation that could help me understand what being gay was and why I was made this way. But there were no places or people I could find that could help, so I kept searching and praying and still the same response from the Lord would come “be at peace for I am with you” and then God added too that by revealing too me that what God has made clean do not call unclean. It was in that knowledge that God created me and through His son Jesus Christ I am clean and acceptable in His sight. Once that knowledge struck my spirit and came too my understanding I knew without doubt that I am perfect just as I am and that my sexuality is not an issue for God and now for me I stand free of guilt, shame or confusion as too who I am and what I am. In my journey too understand I realized that being gay does not define my entire existence nor does it determine my character, values or worth as a person. At this stage in my life I have found the peace and acceptance that I had longed for all my life. I know there is so much more detail I could share but I believe this is enough for now. God bless you and know that you are loved and accepted. 😀



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
October 24, 2009, 12:09

welcome gjjlong…….so good to hear about your journey.


It is interesting isn’t it that so many of us have come to a profound sense of knowing who we are but ourselves and our own relationship with God. No one told us……we just know.



gjjlong
 
Joined in 2009
October 24, 2009, 13:01

Yes avb, knowing that is wonderful and thank you for your desire too serve God and all people



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
October 25, 2009, 11:29

Hey gjjlong. Great story thanks for sharing.


It’s interesting isn’t it? The different meanings people give to the experience of being gay. Everyone has their own defintion and we all come to terms with the concept differently.



gjjlong
 
Joined in 2009
October 25, 2009, 14:42

Thanks Sandy and yes it is interesting how we all view being gay and coming too terms with it so differently. Ghandi wrote ” become the change you want too see in the world” Each persons journey is unique and amazing. God’s word says that ” man looks on the outside (what our human senses can experience) but God looks on the inward ( the heart of a person) and the only thing we are commanded to do is ” love our neighbor as ourselves”. Accepting ourselves and loving ourselves is where we begin too heal from our hurts and disappointments.


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