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a peek in my inbox...dialogue with an ex-gay

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Craig_Maynard
 
Joined in 2007
July 5, 2008, 20:57

Thanks Anthony for taking the time to speak with this person “David” and maintaining a good dialogue… having seen your example really helps me to think of what to say and do when situation are confronting. I learnt so much just from reading the dialogue that we need to be calm as much as we can and we have the right to say “hey, that’s not appropriate at the moment but I would be happy to discuss this at a better time” and arrange a neutral zone to discuss things.


Wow at least I am willing to give it a go…. smile… in the past I would have thought of all the God given curses and recounted it over and over again in God’s name whereas I am willing to step back a little, listen to the underflow of the statement and respond accordingly… it won’t stop me from being narky if they are rude to me. I would know how to nip it in the bud and allow for another time to discuss it at a more appropriate time and place. I don’t deal well with people who are so ignorant and I am quick to point that out to them… much to their own shock… I shame them quickly when they are acting un-christian only to stun them because they seem to think they got the upperhand and then I gently bring them up to my level and treat them with respect and discuss what is bothering them.


Smiles. Again thanks Anthony… I will always come back and re-read this and you know… it would be good if you could do a workshop on these sort of thing! Giggles. Conflict and resolution…. reading between the lines, how to act against statement… what are good ways of builiding up good positive dialogue and know what to do when things goes sour.

😆

Craig.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
July 6, 2008, 10:11

Thanks Anthony for taking the time to speak with this person “David” and maintaining a good dialogue… having seen your example really helps me to think of what to say and do when situation are confronting. I learnt so much just from reading the dialogue that we need to be calm as much as we can and we have the right to say “hey, that’s not appropriate at the moment but I would be happy to discuss this at a better time” and arrange a neutral zone to discuss things.


Wow at least I am willing to give it a go…. smile… in the past I would have thought of all the God given curses and recounted it over and over again in God’s name whereas I am willing to step back a little, listen to the underflow of the statement and respond accordingly… it won’t stop me from being narky if they are rude to me. I would know how to nip it in the bud and allow for another time to discuss it at a more appropriate time and place. I don’t deal well with people who are so ignorant and I am quick to point that out to them… much to their own shock… I shame them quickly when they are acting un-christian only to stun them because they seem to think they got the upperhand and then I gently bring them up to my level and treat them with respect and discuss what is bothering them.


Smiles. Again thanks Anthony… I will always come back and re-read this and you know… it would be good if you could do a workshop on these sort of thing! Giggles. Conflict and resolution…. reading between the lines, how to act against statement… what are good ways of builiding up good positive dialogue and know what to do when things goes sour.

😆

Craig.


thanks Craig. yes this was one of the reasons I put it up here. I know that more is achieved by graciously and respectfully communicating with people like David than attacking back. Sometimes in the short term and also in the long term. Should David, in the future, feel that his ex-gay experience is not real and he wants to live an authenitic life as a gay christian then we know he won’t be supported by those who currently are…..but hopefully he will remember there is an open door for him here.


Another reason to not go on the attack is that this is exactly the way many people in that side of the debate expect us to be…….nasty, militant, angry etc….and so behaving that way only reinforces the stereotype.



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
July 6, 2008, 10:15

Oh dear, I better take off my fatigues and stop tazing everyone at church before we shake hands. 😯 No wonder I have a seat near the dunny. 😳



Craig_Maynard
 
Joined in 2007
July 7, 2008, 01:12

I do get it 😆 I admit my own shortcoming. Most of the people I have really good dialogues with are people who are geniune. I just feel their anger and am able to deal with it… but for someone who makes it their intentional goal and are the position to know better… I don’t know how to slow them down without using words or statement to the effect that it stuns them… then I can say what they just felt is what I feel all the time when people think they have the rights to be so rude towards me, just because I am different from them.


Hmmmm working towards being as gentle and considerate and kind as you are when responding… like I said, you are such a role model that I need to keep re-reading this thread to absorb the heart matter you present to keep the dialogue going and supporting the other person. This is something that I do actually aspire to learn and to implement… my partner will have fit if I actually do this more and will wonder what happeed to his real “Craig” giggles. 😆


One thing at a time and one day at a time.. it helps if I am able to resolve some of my own anger towards myself or frustration at my limitations or lack of it.


😆 Hugs


Craig.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
July 7, 2008, 01:51

hey Craig…..I’d hate to give the impression that i’m perfect and do it right every time….because that is not the case. I do work at it hard though because this is not really about me……i’m going to be fine….its about making a difference for others.


i know what I aspire to do…and how it works best for me to respond appropriately…..but there are times I loose it……times my own agenda or ego gets in the way…..but I keep trying.


I find that when I ask myself the question…..how would i like to be treated or spoken to …..then it helps guide my behavior and responses.



Craig_Maynard
 
Joined in 2007
July 7, 2008, 10:09

🙂 and so modest too 😆 Thanks Anthony. You know. in earlier postings there were discussion about us being at different levels in our gay and christian life.


I know you are human and experience everyday mundane things and still I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share your knowledge and guidances that takes years of blunders out of our lives and fasttrack us throught the process of our own issues.


We never really know the full implication of what we do … only God can see the big picture. What I am learning is more to do with difficult and deepset beliefs of leaders who are arrogant and causes damages. People need to be pulled up for it the venom is so strong. I feel the need to use strong words to stop em dead in tracks inorder to make headway.


Maybe if I work from the perspective that they honestly and genuinely don’t know rather than be one the attack mode eh? 🙂 thanks.


Craig



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
July 7, 2008, 14:18

they might help Craig. I know that I’m constantly saying to people


The enemy is not political parties, christian denominations or individuals….the enemy is ignorance.


the trick is to find people who are looking for answers and knowing how we can share our knowledge with them in an appropriate manner.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
July 8, 2008, 10:45

From: David

Sent: Tuesday, 8 July 2008 08:51

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: CHRISTIAN TESTIMONY


Thank you Anthony. My attraction has gone away so we must never assume. I never was and never will be homosexual as I do not believe such a thing exists. If you choose to live in open rebellion, you have been warned. How will you escape condemnation? God has not abandoned you Anthony because he is calling you back to biblical living as an ex-ex- ex-Gay ie a celibate single or sexual relations within the confines of marriage. Please do not label me as homophobic as you know my story. I of all people can testify to the lie of homosexuality. Blessings for now, David.


From: Anthony Venn-Brown [mailto:[email protected]]

Sent: Tuesday, 8 July 2008 10:27

To: ‘David’

Subject: RE: CHRISTIAN TESTIMONY


HI David


Your email reminded me of the mental gymnastics I had to go through to hang on to some sense of stability in my life. It seemed I get one new revelation after another which would help me for a period of time……then it would wear off. I realise now that most of that was about denial….never willing to accept the fact that I was gay. I hear that also in your comment I never was and never will be homosexual as I do not believe such a thing exists . Denial is never a healthy place to be psychologically. It keeps you stuck.


I’m not really in rebellion David……..my life is surrendered……not to my sexual orientation but to be the best person I can be as God made me.


You must have had such a terrible life as a gay man to hate it so much. I’ve met people like that out on the gay scene. Acceptance of ones homosexuality does not automatically mean loving oneself. I know that I reluctantly accepted it at first. But today and totally fulfilled…..and would not change a thing.


I’m possibly getting a picture of how you used to be David in the gay scene as a professional man. Selfish, lacking in integrity….pleasure seeking. You probably were not a nice person to know. Possibly you mixed with people who were the same. I’ve met them out there as well…..but certainly not the type of people I mix with today.


I haven’t, nor will I label you homophobic. I understand totally where you are currently at. Possibly more than anyone else.


Anthony VB



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
July 9, 2008, 16:10

hmmm…very interesting dialogue unfolding.


I never was and never will be homosexual as I do not believe such a thing exists .


That reminded me of what I was told when I first got saved and surrendered to trying to live straight, I was told that the life I lived before was a lie, my feelings were a lie and that I was under complete deception, it put me in a place where I questioned whether it was all a dream, fantasy or delusion I was under but I know what I felt was real and what I went through very real……….its almost brain washing and mentally twisted to say it was all non existant, it never happened, it doesnt exist and is something from “out there” its just wrong to make a person think they are nuts almost. 😡 😡



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
July 9, 2008, 22:42

sounds like the confession I used to say over and over again. I’m a new creature in Christ. Old things are passed away. All things are new.


I thought if I said it enough and believed it that it meant I would no longer be homosexual. I know now it actually just fed my denial.


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