Hi Everyone,
I just wanted to post something that I thought you all should hear because I know that Sandy has been copping some slack for being a fuddy duddy anoying Christian person lately 😆 and well it’s always a relief for the rest of us when we can put a tick in the pro side of the homosexuality conundrum for her…
As many of you are aware she up and left for America some months ago and has been living the student life, on campus partying, working and being far too high and mighty to call her old friends. Coincidently her dad came out last year, total shocker, and Paul and his partner Jeff joined Sandy and her sister for Christmas. We were all holding our breath let me tell you! Not only is Sandy the biggest old granny under 30 that we know but when she was four Sandy put a fork through her big sisters hand because she kept “putting her hand over my side of the table”. Cassie needed stiches…. hmmm. So we were prepared for fireworks.
Well her first bad move was to burst out laughing in the airport even before introductions were made, Jeff had worn a tie (see Sandy thinks wearing shoes is akin to “dressing up”) and her father had on a pink shirt (pastel mind you, he’s a very fashion concious man… makes you wonder if they are really related). Before pronouncing through tears of mirth “Oh God you are so GAY!” Um yes sweetheart… glad your finally with us on that one, the hand holding isn’t just for show.
So they spent a week shopping and freezing their butts off in the Big Apple. Those concious of social justice issues would be pleased to note that Paul got a half hour lecture on exactly how many orphans in Africa the Armarni coat he was wearing could have fed. Meanwhile back at home I was white in the face from holding my breath hoping that the words “immoral behavioural choice” wouldn’t come out of her mouth like word vomit.
There were some close calls on both sides like when Sandy denounced the Catholic Chruch and her mothers spiritual ancestory as “a load of crap” or when Jeff declared himself a breast man… Needless to say Sandy was delighted, Paul less so. I have been recently corrected on the cirumstances of that event though… I was told by a blonde someone that he said it in relation to chicks. Later it was discovered that chicken was the topic of conversation. To which the blonde replied “oh semantics!”.
However the true highlight of the Lowe family Christmas occured on New Years Eve. Sandy had decided to stay home… to do what exactly you might ask? Drink copious amounts of alcohol without the need to drive? Nooo not Sandy…. she stayed home to READ! And not just any book, you wouldn’t find this girl kicking back with a Jackie Collins or a Sandra Bown nope Sandy read “The sociology of work: why the ‘y’ generation is hooked” So, so, so sad. So obviously her father had full responsibility to pay her out big time for being such a complete and total dag. But as we know Sandy fights dirty so dirty in fact she picked up a Joe Dallas book soon after OUCH!
Yet we all know that New Years Eve is the only night of the year that begins at midday and doesn’t finnish till about six am the following day. At about 2am Jeff ventures into the territory of the ‘daughter in law’ he freely refers to as “the scary, scary Christian person”.
So Jeff sits down, quite nervous but thankfully without the tie this time and says “I just wanted you to know that I love your father, I know you don’t think I should but I do and I’d like you and I to be friends” to which I hope you are all going AWWW! but to which the scary Christian simply replied “I see”. It does NOT look good for our heros!
Then in true Sandy fashion she goes and gets out her bible (can you believe this broad? First she totally dismisses the heart warming declaration of love that would have melted frosty himself and she adds insult to injury by opening the bible!) Insted of flicking to the well worn pages of Romans One which hold the bodily imprints of many of us when we have been thown against those words by “well meaning” Christians but insted flicks to John Eight. Interesting choice though frankly I had no idea what a prostitute had to do with anything… I was ready to rush in with my superman cape if she started out with “Now Jeff see this woman doing the wrong thing, just like you are? Jesus tells her to quit it… they make a patch you know” thankfully she didn’t. She reads John 8:1-11 and stops.
1But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
11″No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
She looks at Jeff and repeats “neither do I condemn you” and stops. Meanwhile the viewers at home are on the edge of their seats. What? Thats it? The queen of long winded sermons is susinct? Who are you and what have you done with Sandy? But alas she continues. “I stressed out about meeting you you know I knew that I had no idea what I was going to say if you ever came out with something like that. Ok sure lets be friends while internally thinking you were a huge doofus isn’t quite what its cracked up to be” And yes thats right folks I’m going to take five points off the Sandy team for using the word doofus… what was she thinking!!
“But” she continues and you have to realise how big this moment is, Sandy is at her most anoying when she says “but” like “I’d like to go to your comitment ceromony but…” or “It’s sweet that your so happy but…” trst me nothing good ever follows the word “but” except in this instance. “Jesus gave us the model we should all use when relating to others” Sandy continues “He accepts this woman, he, so holy and blameless the one person who had every right to judge her accepts her THEN he tells her to live a better life. The Chruch tends to work on the oppiste principal ‘we’ll accept you if… [almost as scary as but!] but Jesus lays out his priorities, acceptance breeds the desire to live in Godliness. So Jeff I don’t condemn you, I don’t judge you, it’s ok with me if you love my father I can accept that” AWWWWW!!!
Of course she had to ruin the effect by pointing out the difference between acceptance and approval and droaning on and on about how she doesn’t expect Jeff to go away and leave his life on sin only that he may have a positive experience of the once scary, scary Christian who really, underneith the layers of fuddy duddy conservatism is a big softie. 😆 Shes just so CUTE!… yes she is…yes she is…
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