Very similar to “Desperate4Truth’s” story, I used to be (2002 – 2007) a keyboardist for a Worship Team in an Assembly of God church. When I left, I mailed the (now ex-) pastor a copy of “A Life of Unlearning” (first edition) along with my “Letter to the Editor” of a gay newspaper denouncing ex-gay ministries.
(Before attending those ministries, I knew that I had same-sex feelings, but acknowledged them as “wrong.” Afterwards, I acknowledged the feelings as “O.K.,” and determined that it wasn’t worth the trouble to try to “change” them. All this while STILL playing keyboards.)
It must’ve been a HORRIBLE shock to my pastor, because I’ve only been gone less than 8 months, and he has since left that church. (I don’t know if he went to another church, moved back with his family, or has a “secular” job now. I know that he got to know me as a “person,” and that his “concept” of what a homosexual was totally blown out of the water.)
Here’s the problem:
Should I be “happy” that there’s one less pastor spreading bigotry and hatred towards homosexuals? (He had made a comment using an analogy with “serial killers” and “homosexuals” in that neither would “ever seek after God.”)
Should I be “angry” at myself that I helped a man lose his job? (He used to “work” there, and he no longer does.)
Should I be “upset” that the current church is looking for a new pastor, and that at least 100 people (the other congregants) are probably mad at me?
Should I be “proud” that I took such a stance?
Should I be “embarrassed” that I didn’t go to him privately first, and tell him then? (I was so angry, I couldn’t do that.)
I had tried attending one “gay affirming” church, and I know EXACTLY what Desperate4Truth means when he says it’s “just church.”