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Blogger Mom: Stay in the Closet!

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Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
November 6, 2011, 14:54


Blogger Mom: Stay in the Closet!



We take a mother to task for giving bad advice to gay teens at risk

Posted by Natalie Hope McDonald on 11/4/2011 at 3:38PM | 2 Comments


Earlier this week, a blog from the Houston Chronicle caught our attention. It was written by Kathleen McKinley, a self-described devoted mother, wife and Christian, who decided she’s had enough with gay kids committing suicide. But rather than reach out with kind words and support for young gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender teens, McKinley offered a very different kind of advice: Stay in the closet, kids.


In her tirade over gay suicide – an issue that she came across in People magazine while waiting in her orthodontist’s office, no less – she blames the parents of gay children for being, as she describes, the ones who “force views on kids.”


So let’s get this straight. It’s not so much the bullies and hate mongers out there, but the parents of LGBT kids who commit suicide who are really to blame? This woman can’t be serious, right?


Oh, but she is. Here’s an excerpt:


Am I mad at the hateful mean kids who bully and tease these teens? You bet I am. But I am just as mad at the idiotic adults who force our adult views on kids, and pull them into our adult world long before they are mature enough to handle it. The 13 year old that killed himself told his Mom he was gay. She said she already knew and hugged him. She said she just assumed that everyone else would be as accepting as she was.



Really? Have you been around teenagers? They are cruel and mean. They constantly tear each other down. It was bad when I was a teenager, I can only imagine what it’s like now. No, I don’t have to imagine how it is now. This is how it is now. Why in the world would you give teenagers a REASON to tease you? Oh, yes, because the adults tell you to embrace who you are, the only problem? Kids that age are just discovering who they are. They really have no idea yet. The adults tell you to “come out,” when what we should be telling them is that sex is for adults, and there is plenty of time for figuring out that later. Figure out yourself first. Focus on the kind of person you want to be, not the kind of person you w
ant to sleep with. A 13 year old should not be building his life around his sexual orientation. He should be being A KID … We have sexualized our kids with movies, music, and culture, and now we have viruses like HPV running rampant before they even go to college. We should all be ashamed of ourselves. […]


We do live in a world where kids are growing up fast – but to suggest that the reason teens are bullied today is because they come out is ridiculous. Teens are bullied because they are perceived as being different or weaker or because the bully needs to affirm his or herself through violence and abuse. Stopping bullying doesn’t come down to whether gay kids are open about who they are, it relies on adults to know better and teach them to respect others.


Case in point: Gay activist Michangelo Signoreli wrote about being a bully in Queer in America when he was younger as a way to hide his own homosexual feelings. Rather than deal with them, he abused others he perceived as being gay. Coming out – in this situation- would have spared everyone a lot of pain. But to suggest that being gay is somehow a good reason for being bullied is to give the power to the bullies and the people who would rather sweep gay issues under the rug.


While we realize that the Houston Chronicle’s not responsible for this blog, it does raise questions about the sort of ingrained hate that exists in our social fabric that makes a blog like this even allowable. And it’s uncanny considering that it comes from someone who spends a lot of time waxing on about being a loving, Christian person. It’s a little like the racist who talks about all of his black friends.


We’re disappointed that this mom didn’t take the parents of bullies to task for their behavior. When kids are raised by families to believe that being gay is wrong and therefore a punishable offense, there’s a good chance they’ll act out this bigotry … in the playground, the gym class, the lunch room and on the way to class and home from school. If half as many zealots would start demanding that bullies be held accountable for their actions, we would have a lot less of it in our schools. Period.


If McKinley really believes what she writes, then our big question to her is this: If all teens should remain chaste in spirit, keeping their attractions under wraps, does this mean the straight captain of the football team should also keep quiet about liking girls?



forestgrey
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
November 6, 2011, 21:58

Goodness me, Anthony! I’m a bit flabbergasted by that. Yet another twisted argument for us to have to combat. Better watch out – ACL might pick up on the idea !!!



Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
November 7, 2011, 08:42

What a silly person. Doesn’t sound loving to me at all, and certainly uninformed. As a mother of 2 sons one gay and one not. I’m supportive and loving of them both. I treat them the same, how can a mother openly support one child, accept them for who they are, tell them to love themselves cause they happen to be straight and then tell the other to hide who they are. Yes there are people out there who will bully children, and unfortunately that is often gay kids. I would think having a supporting, loving, and accepting parents would go along way towards helping the child cope with being bullied.


I think at different times in our lives we have all felt unsupported and rejected by our friends, sure it hurts but not as much as having that come from a parent. Parents are supposed to give unconditional love, something this women knows nothing about.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
November 7, 2011, 09:34

Goodness me, Anthony! I’m a bit flabbergasted by that. Yet another twisted argument for us to have to combat. Better watch out – ACL might pick up on the idea !!!


Yep…..I put this article up here as it was such a contrast to the Mum’s who post on our forum…..and if any one could respond to Blooger Mum to show the error of her thinking…..they could.



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
November 7, 2011, 22:03

Hi avb


It is a shame that Kathleen McKinley mixes up acceptance of homosexuality with pulling a child into the adult world too quickly. I agree that children do grow up too fast with all the sexual images in the media but I don’t think that’s to do with coming out or being LGBT. There also seems to be some muddling when it comes to sex and sexuality. On the one hand, I agree with McKinley that sex is for adults but I think she confuses sexuality and sexual activity. And while I think it’s a good idea if young people can wait until emotionally mature before engaging in sexual activity, I believe it’s very important for them to talk about sex and be educated and supported beforehand.


Sadly, McKinley may have a point when she talks about how people can be cruel. However, the mother of the 13 year old who suicided is to be fully commended for accepting her child in the way she did. She sounds like a beautiful parent and many would be so happy to receive that unconditional acceptance.. And even if she was a little naive to believe that others would be as accepting, it’s insensitive and ridiculous for McKinley to imply the suicide was the Mum’s fault. I can’t see how being accepting would be the reason for her boy’s death. And nor can I see how an alternative approach of rejection from the mother might have prepared the son for the harsh realities of a sometimes rejecting world, therefore possibly saving him! Peoples’ lives are often complicated, especially when suicide is involved, and we don’t really know why the boy took his life. No doubt there’s more to the story.


McKinley has a strange idea about bullying too but sadly she’s not alone. I knew a girl who was being bullied severely at school because of her demeanor and appearance and the teachers suggested she lose some weight and wear better clothes! In other words, the victim was blamed rather than holding the bullies accountable. I see that as the teachers colluding with the bullies rather than accepting the girl as she was. And in the same way, McKinley seems to suggest that the LGBT young person needs to change rather than the society around them.


I don’t feel McKinley is a hater but just ignorant. And we know that ignorance can be extremely damaging. To me, McKinley sounds a bit protective and maybe needs to explore where this comes from. It’s possible she has her own teenage/childhood pain which is being projected onto others.. Who knows. That makes me sad too.


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
November 8, 2011, 10:41

what can I say Ann Maree…..you have said it all so beautifully.


…….and I think that some in our community are too quick to label someone who has demonstrated their ignorance as a hater. This simply is not the case. When one is uneducated or ill-informed they are bound to come to wrong conclusions. Labelling them haters doesn’t progress the dialogue. Here is a recent article of mine in the gay press about this. http://gaynewsnetwork.com.au/feature/feature/1702-hate-begets-hate.html



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
November 8, 2011, 11:32

Thanks avb. Your article above was good too. It’s amazing that anyone thinks it’s OK to make vile threats to others (like those mentioned in your article).


I love this quote you included at the end of your blog: “Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” Martin Luther King Jnr.


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
November 8, 2011, 11:51

yep….I always get to add more on my blog then in the limited word count in the gay press.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
November 8, 2011, 14:36

yep….I always get to add more on my blog then in the limited word count in the gay press.


ooooops just realised that I didn’t put the extended version on my blog…..will correct that.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
November 8, 2011, 19:14

here is the extended version of the article Hate Begets Hate


http://gayambassador.blogspot.com/2011/11/hate-begets-hate.html


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