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Christian lesbian, 37, hetero marriage ... searching for answers

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myjourney316
 
Joined in 2010
July 9, 2010, 17:14

i’m slowly working my way back into writing again. being on vacation has really taken a lot of my time.

that being said, i have a lot to process through and will probably be using my blog and here to do it.


AVB,

i may be ready to start looking at the ‘fundamental issues’ now. aside from my faith and how God will view me, i think the top two are my husband and my kids. how’d i do?


thank you all for any words of advice to come. (i did quickly update my blog a little bit ago, if you want to take a look) http://thejourney316.wordpress.com/



Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
July 9, 2010, 20:47

It’s great to have you back on the forums.



myjourney316
 
Joined in 2010
July 15, 2010, 00:58

I know I said I was back but in all reality, I guess I’m not able to be. I’m drowning here. my life is coming apart at the seams. this forum is great but my time has become even more limited, right now. every moment is spent trying to press on. being fully present in the moment while trying to figure out what the future holds.

to update quickly on my journey … my husband and I will split but how is to be determined. I asked him if he thought we could make this work? and he said , year another profound statement, “I want to help you, but by staying married I’m asking you to live a lie, that’s not too helpful.” so, our next season starts. how this all goes down, will remain to be seen. telling the kids is the next step, I presume.

ok, maybe I won’t crawl into a hole, it really does feel good to write.



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
July 15, 2010, 11:39

Hi myjourney316


At this stage of your journey, it seems that there are no easy answers or ways to be. It’s good that writing can help a little though.


It’s ok to come and go as you need. One step at a time…


Sending blessings your way,


Ann Maree



Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
July 15, 2010, 13:19

I know this is not an easy space for you to be in. I have walked a similar path and as Ann Maree said, you’re not under any pressure to be here. We’re here for you as and when you need the contact.


Just take baby steps.



Susanne
 
Joined in 2007
July 17, 2010, 15:04

Dear Journey,

I have been away from this forum for quite some time now, but feel it must be a total God thing that I found my way here again and first place i landed was in your story. I was married 13 years, two children, when i “discovered” myself, and came out. My journey at that time sounds like it could have been your journey….the struggles, the pain, the torment over life, love, family, children, and faith. I made it through. I found a woman to share my life with. It was good. We were together 12 years. I had been in church all along, but found something still missing. We found a church together. the church believed that homosexuality is a sin, but hate the sin, love the sinner….it was evangelical. It was prayerful. The music was outstanding. I threw myself into it full force. We lived in a very small town in central wisconsin. No gay support groups. We just had each other and the love and support of friends and family. I had never had the overpowering God things happen to me in my life like I was having. We tried to accept their philosophy, deal with it, and know we were never going to see eye to eye on the gay issue. The experiences I was having were incredible! Overwhelming! I started to question. I had to learn. I desired to know more. Then I got sick. The questioning. The doubting. And the church diving in. And in their “loving” manner, told me my illnesses were because of my ill found lifestyle, God telling me I needed to change…..the overwhelming brainwashing began. Then I had the most incredible “God experience”. Another story in itself. One i had posted here a long (over 3 years) time ago. I went thru the most horrid time of my life. Much worse and way harder than the walk from my marriage to my husband. But God needed me to see and know the truth. It was my time in the valley of death. I tried to turn away. To be”right with God”, only to find after a horrible split with the woman I called my wife for 12 years, but also lost all friends, and even family turned away. I had no one. I was suicidal. If I could not be what God or society wanted, or accepted, I did not want to be. Again God stepped in. In the most amazing and incredible ways. He did save me. I found myself. I found accepting church people, in this small town, I never would have thought. I started a Gay support Group. Made new friends. Re-found some old ones. And felt God’s blessing on me, and my life. He continues to bless me in ways I cannot even begin to count. I moved on. One of the couples in my support group, had a gathering their old friends, and it was there that I met her. My children graduated now, one from high school, one from college. God gave me the time, and the moment, and the blessings to move on. Be happy. I have now relocated from Wisconsin, to Illinois. We are making a new life. We have not found a church family yet, but know that too will happen. I know God has a call on me, my life to be there. To help. I have not discovered the right avenue yet, but am being patient. He has led me every step of the way. And He will lead you too. We will pray for you. That God will lead and

guide you. That He be gentle, kind, compassionate and love on you in incredible ways. Far too many have had such a hard time in this day trying to just be what God created….keep reading, meeting, learning from others, and listen to Gods sweet voice telling you…”I love you just as you are”.



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
July 17, 2010, 16:37

Hey Susanne


What an amazing outcome to your journey! Thanks for updating us. It’s inspiring to hear that not only did you survive but you came through to beautiful things.


Blessings,


Ann Maree



RaulG
 
Joined in 2010
July 17, 2010, 18:25

Saludos a todos,


First of all, I thank everyone for sharing their story. I would especially like to thank you, myjourney316. Truly your courage in enduring society’s slings and arrows and the love you have shown your family is a shining wonder in a weary world.


Throughout this thread, I noticed a familiar theme: good people wearing themselves out mentally, physically, and spiritually because of the misguided cruelties of our brothers and sisters in faith who claim to be speaking for God.


Speaking for God…how conceited is the human animal, this collection of gas and minerals given but a slight spark of the imago dei!


Have not these silly persons who dismiss your orientation and claim that you are not “saved”, realized that in order to speak the words of eternal life they must actually KNOW and UNDERSTAND those words?


Allow me to illustrate with a little help from my friends at Whosoever Ministries:


http://whosoever.org/bible/


Have you paid for sex with a high-priest of the cult of Baal in Canaan for fortune in battle? NO?


Have you had sex with a young Greek male prostitute? NO?


Have you sexually abused a servant? NO?


Were you ever part of a gang of heterosexual rapists who hated foreigners? NO?


Then NONE of the so-called “clobber-passages” refer to you. In fact, every single one the passages refer to VERY specific contexts, none of which can be generalized as overall condemnations of homosexuality.


I am sorry for the rant, but one of my major hot buttons is people being driven away from the love of Christ by those who claim to know the Word but in fact know nothing.


How many times have I had to wipe away the tears of a friend and tell them that the ones who claim that “God rejects” them or that “God hates” them do not speak for the Lord of Hosts or even for many Christians?


After all this time, you would think that I have become used to it.


I haven’t. 😐


Yours,


Raul



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
July 18, 2010, 01:55

Hi Raul


It’s really great to have your support here. 🙂


I love the gnostic approach of looking within to develop experiential self knowledge. That to me is the way to become truly spiritual and whole as a person. Judging others is the opposite of spiritual. And I agree with what you’ve said: how can mere humans think they can speak so authoratively for God? That’s the height of arrogance.


Anyway, blessings to you and everyone. 🙂


Ann Maree



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
July 26, 2010, 23:25

Dear Journey,

I have been away from this forum for quite some time now, but feel it must be a total God thing that I found my way here again and first place i landed was in your story. I was married 13 years, two children, when i “discovered” myself, and came out. My journey at that time sounds like it could have been your journey….the struggles, the pain, the torment over life, love, family, children, and faith. I made it through. I found a woman to share my life with. It was good. We were together 12 years. I had been in church all along, but found something still missing. We found a church together. the church believed that homosexuality is a sin, but hate the sin, love the sinner….it was evangelical. It was prayerful. The music was outstanding. I threw myself into it full force. We lived in a very small town in central wisconsin. No gay support groups. We just had each other and the love and support of friends and family. I had never had the overpowering God things happen to me in my life like I was having. We tried to accept their philosophy, deal with it, and know we were never going to see eye to eye on the gay issue. The experiences I was having were incredible! Overwhelming! I started to question. I had to learn. I desired to know more. Then I got sick. The questioning. The doubting. And the church diving in. And in their “loving” manner, told me my illnesses were because of my ill found lifestyle, God telling me I needed to change…..the overwhelming brainwashing began. Then I had the most incredible “God experience”. Another story in itself. One i had posted here a long (over 3 years) time ago. I went thru the most horrid time of my life. Much worse and way harder than the walk from my marriage to my husband. But God needed me to see and know the truth. It was my time in the valley of death. I tried to turn away. To be”right with God”, only to find after a horrible split with the woman I called my wife for 12 years, but also lost all friends, and even family turned away. I had no one. I was suicidal. If I could not be what God or society wanted, or accepted, I did not want to be. Again God stepped in. In the most amazing and incredible ways. He did save me. I found myself. I found accepting church people, in this small town, I never would have thought. I started a Gay support Group. Made new friends. Re-found some old ones. And felt God’s blessing on me, and my life. He continues to bless me in ways I cannot even begin to count. I moved on. One of the couples in my support group, had a gathering their old friends, and it was there that I met her. My children graduated now, one from high school, one from college. God gave me the time, and the moment, and the blessings to move on. Be happy. I have now relocated from Wisconsin, to Illinois. We are making a new life. We have not found a church family yet, but know that too will happen. I know God has a call on me, my life to be there. To help. I have not discovered the right avenue yet, but am being patient. He has led me every step of the way. And He will lead you too. We will pray for you. That God will lead and

guide you. That He be gentle, kind, compassionate and love on you in incredible ways. Far too many have had such a hard time in this day trying to just be what God created….keep reading, meeting, learning from others, and listen to Gods sweet voice telling you…”I love you just as you are”.


you should post this wonderful update at the end of your story here Susanne


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