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Christian Parents - Bad Reactions and what to do?

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wilzy30
 
Joined in 2005
June 5, 2008, 11:01

Yes, it seems hard to find a decent gay man.


I am trying to become one of those rounded, more together gay men.


I am over the one night stands and casualness.. to some extent.


But can someone live with Me? How much of a handful would I be, considering my lack of experience in relationships?!


I have realized it has to be the right person. Standards need to be kept high.


But where to go……???? or even start……???


😕



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 6, 2008, 10:47

I dont think that I am really the one to advise William…..being single for 10 years.


one thing I do know however is that we can’t manufacture a relationship.


what we can do however is be the person we need to be. In doing that we can attract the right kind of people into our life.



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
June 6, 2008, 17:58

what we can do however is be the person we need to be


Uh… forgive me for being dense but what does that mean exactly? What kind of person do we need to be and how is a person suposed to go about finding who or what it is they need to be?


Sorry to pick, I just can’t stand it when you’re vauge! 😆 😆



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
June 6, 2008, 18:19

I’ll let Anthony answer that, I might break out in hives if I try 😯



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 7, 2008, 12:14

what we can do however is be the person we need to be


Uh… forgive me for being dense but what does that mean exactly? What kind of person do we need to be and how is a person suposed to go about finding who or what it is they need to be?


Sorry to pick, I just can’t stand it when you’re vauge! 😆 😆


😀 thats me Vera Vague 😆


I guess what I mean by that is that it helps to focus on the me being the best person I can be. Being a person of quality, honest, open……having integrity…being happy…..loving and honouring myself etc. That way i’m not looking for someone else to fill my life because it is already full…….and be doing that I make myself very attractive.



Craig_Maynard
 
Joined in 2007
June 7, 2008, 17:10

WOW John, Like, I’m half thinking you like know my mum and wrote that story with her as the main character-=- just goes to show how universal somethings are…. it also sounds really tough- I’m not out to my mum, but if she reacted like this I think I’d be devasted- my mum is a huge source of stability and support in my life as is, without even being out to her… I suppose at least this is much much much better than silence…


Ideally, that (open-mindedness) is the quality that is by far the best thing for a Christian parent to have for a son/daughter comming out… I know its probably too much to expect for most, and I don’t expect my mum to be convinced that its biblically ok (heck, I’m not even convinced myself, lol), but at the very least to be willing to accept that the relationships we have are just as loving as heterosexual relationships and to build on that base in terms of accepting your partner, etc… and oh my goodness, Wouldn’t it be like an amazing blessing if parents showed their support in the church, by not necessarily convincing them that its ok, but just trying to encourage sympathy and tolerance for the Gay community at large… Again, im not out to my church friends (lol, I sound like a bit a chicken now I’m sure…:P), but I’ve just been trying to encourage understanding of homosexuals, something that has been incredibly difficult when every second week the minister gets up and gives us an update on how well our churches courageous, bold and righteous (lol) attempt to ex-communicate the practicising gay clergy in America is proceeding…. But I think the difference talking about gay people without the spectre of judgement looming over the conversation can make goes a long way to working against the dehumanization we’ve kind of experienced….


Ciao!


Chris


Hey Chris, hang in there mate 😀 … just remember that God loves you and accepts you without any conditions even while you are trying to work things out in your head space about God, Christianity, family, mother and being gay and the thelogical issues. I just know that God loves you no matter what happens and the love is unconditional – wth no strings attached. Just rest with that thought in your head if you can – find a still place in yourself where you can just be yourself with God.


You will be ready when you are ready to move forward and no one can make you do that… it’s kind of a scary thoughts and implication… I just want you to remember God’s love for you is real as you have come to terms with discovering or finding out that you are gay. It doesn’t need to be a curse or a horrible thing… ask God to help you and trust that things will fall into place. There is a place and time for everything and don’t think that you are less than anything just because you are gay. Hurt and pain is part of life and adjustment… we are not in control of what the other parties think… arm yourself with an understanding, and explore anything on this site about being gay and christian… this is a cool site that I have come to be part of and nourish myself from time to time.


I do feel sad when those closer to us reacts badly as if being gay was the same as cancer or germ. My hearts always goes to those who feel rejected and neglected… sometimes I just want to wrap em up in warm blanket and just keep em at my place and feed and nuture them, watch stacks of gay romantic movies… now that’s a thought… I have a spare room! Hmmmm maybe that’s something I could do for those who have been kicked out of their christian environment. Hmmmmm better talk this over with my wonderful partner. 😀


Warm hugs


Craig.



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
June 8, 2008, 11:12

Oh! That makes so much more sense! I obviously got caught up in the implications of the word ‘need’. I was sitting there thinking “But…. who decides who we need to be?. How do we know who we need to be? What if who we need to be changes?, Do ethics, morals or social norms influence our perceptions of who we feel we need to be?….and so on”


Kind of glad I didn’t write all that now 😳 😆



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 8, 2008, 13:13

Oh! That makes so much more sense! I obviously got caught up in the implications of the word ‘need’. I was sitting there thinking “But…. who decides who we need to be?. How do we know who we need to be? What if who we need to be changes?, Do ethics, morals or social norms influence our perceptions of who we feel we need to be?….and so on”


Kind of glad I didn’t write all that now 😳 😆


Good questions Sandy. I know who I need to be. In fact for me it is pretty clear and involves lots of things including, character, morality. Mostly it is governed by the questions ……is what i’m doing demonstrating respect for myself and respect for others. Like Jesus said.


Matthew 22: 37 -40Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”


I used to feel I had the right to tell others what they should do and how they should live those verses. These days I concentrate on myself.



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
June 8, 2008, 21:09

I guess the line blurs when doing the right thing for yourself impinges on the rights of others, or simply causes them pain of some kind. Anyway thats a philisophical question for another day but thanks for the clarification.



sojourner
 
Joined in 2008
June 11, 2008, 13:58

Hey Chris, hang in there mate … just remember that God loves you and accepts you without any conditions even while you are trying to work things out in your head space about God, Christianity, family, mother and being gay and the thelogical issues. I just know that God loves you no matter what happens and the love is unconditional – wth no strings attached. Just rest with that thought in your head if you can – find a still place in yourself where you can just be yourself with God.


You will be ready when you are ready to move forward and no one can make you do that… it’s kind of a scary thoughts and implication… I just want you to remember God’s love for you is real as you have come to terms with discovering or finding out that you are gay. It doesn’t need to be a curse or a horrible thing… ask God to help you and trust that things will fall into place. There is a place and time for everything and don’t think that you are less than anything just because you are gay. Hurt and pain is part of life and adjustment… we are not in control of what the other parties think… arm yourself with an understanding, and explore anything on this site about being gay and christian… this is a cool site that I have come to be part of and nourish myself from time to time.


I do feel sad when those closer to us reacts badly as if being gay was the same as cancer or germ. My hearts always goes to those who feel rejected and neglected… sometimes I just want to wrap em up in warm blanket and just keep em at my place and feed and nuture them, watch stacks of gay romantic movies… now that’s a thought… I have a spare room! Hmmmm maybe that’s something I could do for those who have been kicked out of their christian environment. Hmmmmm better talk this over with my wonderful partner.


Warm hugs


Craig.


Hey there Craig… thanks so much for those thoughts– I can actually happily report though that lately things have been quite good for me in the acceptance department = I feel amazingly blessed to have found so much support from my awesome friends- and recently my beautiful sisters, infact I have yet to encounter a negative response from those I’ve opened up to, which blows me away– and what is most awesome is the fact that now that I’ve opened up to these friends, I feel as though the inability I once had to move into a deeper relationship with these people is now gone- I think its almost impossible to find intimate friendship with people when you’re holding back something as big as this… So yeah- I’m totally thankful for that, though at the same time, bracing myself for the fact that around the corner may be alot of turmoil when my churchies eventually find out– particularly those closest to me- and what makes it wierd is the fact that because I am so fresh from the conservative movement, I know exactly what they will do/feel and probably would have done/felt the same not so long ago… so I’m not going to complain about that because its basically what I deserve– kind of like this freaky version of Christian Karma catching up with me 😛


As for my parents- my sisters and I agree that I should wait until I move out before I even think about telling them anything… Not that I doubt their unconditional love- I mean I could go on an angsty rant about how I think they’ll reject me and cast me astray, but I think if I’m honest with myself I do know their love for me is deeper than any circumstance- What leads me to wait though is my concern for what they could do in the name of their love for me- and to be honest I don’t want to live with the kind of tension in the air telling them will create- lol, uni/work is stressful enough as is, without being able to find respite at home 😛


Ciao!


Chris


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