Hi all,

I’m hesitant about posting this because I know it’s really offensive (I was offended by it) but hopefully this and the subject line is enough warning to people.

So yesterday I was at the church that I’ve been attending since I moved to this town in February. The pastor got up and said that he would be preaching about marriage and that what he said would not be politically correct. That was a warning bell of course but I’ve seen he has a good heart so I stayed with it.

He then went on to say that there are many different views of marriage in society today but as Christians, we should be concerned, not with our own opinions of what marriage is or should be, but with what God says it is. He said that the culture says that we all define our own truths and the result of that is that, whereas not so long ago, it was socially unacceptable for people to live together outside of marriage, now de facto relationships are considered normal and even desirable.

Similarly, he said, people are beginning to accept that children can be raised by gay and lesbian couples. Then he referred to the gay couple in Brisbane who were recently charged with abusing their son. He said they were the poster children of the gay movement, even featured on the ABC, but now they’ve each been sentenced to 40 years in prison, and that’s what happens when people depart from God’s view of marriage.

I was so incensed and offended that I got up and walked out. It was only 5 minutes into the sermon and maybe I should have stuck around to hear his conclusions but I felt that if I stayed, I would be silently acquiescing to his claim that it's virtually inevitable that if gay couples have children, they'll abuse them. So I left.

I’m not sure what I want to do next. I want to point out to him that the majority of kids are abused by straight people. I want to tell him he’s stupid 😉 … and offensive… but don’t know if that’s wise or even if I want to go back to that church.

Does anybody know offhand where I can find statistics about abuse by gay and straight parents? If I’m going to point out that he’s an idiot, I need more than just words <sigh>

Thanks y’all

Hi Bernie,

Oh poor you – how awful to be sitting in church where you should be feeling nurtured – only to feel distressed and incensed.

Part of me agrees with Ann Maree – I'm not sure that with people with views like this that statistics and articles or debate to the contrary are going to serve any purpose.

The advice I took a few years ago from this forum has been to be with people and in places that are going to nurture and sustain me – and not to be in places where I am likely to feel un welcome or distressed. Now sometimes we don't have a lot of control over this – and sometimes, depending upon the investment we have with particular people or situations, it may not matter too much if someone has an idiotic or offensive view. That is – if it's a fleeting interaction or a superficial relationship – offensive views may not penetrate or matter too much.

It will be up to you I guess to determine what sort of church you want to be in. Some on this forum have made their peace with continuing to worship in churches where they know same sex relationships are spoken against. Others have left the church behind them. Others have found churches pretty much exclusively for the GLBTIQ community, and others have found churches that are affirming, inclusive – where gay and straight people worship and are welcomed together. And again, others have left the church for a while, and have returned at a later date.

I took the path of deciding that it would not be good for me to sit in a church and listen to hateful hurtful unloving words. I ended up finding an inclusive, welcoming church – where I know I will never hear the dumb, misinformed and offensive stuff spoken by your pastor.

Were I in your shoes, I may well be tempted to send an email along the lines of how hurtful and distressing I found his words and that while I understood that all of us are human, make mistakes, and that I'm sure that he too is just trying to do his best to share Christ's love in the world – but that for me – hearing those statements felt anything but loving, anything but compassionate and that all I could hear was judgment and rejection and that on that basis I would no longer be returning to the church and that I would continue to pray that he might come to know Christ's loving mercy and that he be opened up to express this to all people.

Hope this helps.

Best of luck in sorting this through.

Sarab

Thanks Ann Marie, Sarab & Mother Hen. Part of the difficulty is that I live in a country town so there isn't a lot of choice in churches. I don't feel like I want to go back there but there isn't anywhere better, so it's a big decision. I think I will try to email him but what Ann Marie said is mostly right, I think. I need to do it without any expectation of the effect it will have.

I'm grateful for this place. Thank you 🙂

Hi Bernie,

Thank you for sharing that experience with us. I'm sure if I was in that situation I would have had a really horrible feeling in my gut, you know the burning rising up kind! 😐

Getting up and walking out is a strong statement anyway so you should be pleased about doing that 🙂

The fact that messages like that are still being shared is very sad.

Warm regards

Michelle

Hi truth vs lies

We appreciate that not everyone on the forum will agree with each other but we always try to offer support to those who post. Bernie has shared, what was for her, a very difficult experience and we try to acknowledge how that effected her, not negate it. I'm a little puzzled as to what you think God might be trying to tell her? We certainly have the right to be saddened, angry, disappointed, rejected, hurt etc when any church leader will make statements such as was experienced. If it is communicated by the LGBTI community that we will not sit back and accept this assumed stereotype then maybe the wider faith community will start to realise the damage their words can yield.

Warm regards

Michelle