Coming out at 51

Page:   1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Rainbow Girl
Joined in 2011
December 9, 2011, 12:44

Mother Hen…you have got to be the sweetest woman in the world. ((hugs))

Yes there are people who don't need to know…not yet anyway.

The thing is…we'll be getting together with my sisters and brother and partners over Christmas…all staying at a location for a holiday. I would be happier if everyone knows by then. For that to happen, my husband needs to know, or its not fair.

I don't have a time frame for that to happen, but I am looking for the best opportunity. You're right, sometimes plans don't work but opportunities have a way of presenting themselves when least expected. I have a letter for him to read first, which I'll give him when its the right moment. Then we'll need to talk about things.

He senses somethings up, and is being super nice to me. This of course makes me feel horrible and a bit guilty. I really would prefer it to be out in the open and then face the consequences…rather than continue pretending….I'm not good at that.

So yes, I'd appreciate your prayers and I'm grateful for your encouragement and kind words.

Thanks so much.

Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
December 10, 2011, 09:57

Thankyou Rainbow Girl for your lovely comment, it's very much appreciated.

I think there are some terrific people, including yourself on the F2B forum. I am constantly inspired by the resilience, courage, strength, compassion and support shown on this forum through people telling their stories and the replies of hope and love shown in replies.

It's an amazing group.


December 10, 2011, 12:26

I think if your husband is a priority to tell as one of first he will at least appreciate not being the last one to know. It will show respect…but I know it will possibly be very hard, but as Mother Hen said, we can cover you in prayer 🙂


Rainbow Girl
Joined in 2011
December 10, 2011, 13:40

Thanks Mother Hen and Maryanne,

Well today I told him.

I gave him the letter and waited so nervously for the reaction. While waiting I felt God's peace envelop me, though.

He immediately left in the car, to return a short time later.

He blamed himself initially, and then accused me of talking myself into it…asking how do I know for sure …

I answered his questions and let him say or do whatever he felt to do. There were tears and hugs…he's still processing and it'll be a rough few days and weeks ahead.

He is going to be okay though…I know it.

We'd had several conversations about homosexuality, and he is in agreement with me mostly. He knows its not a choice, and its not a sin, and people can't be changed to become straight. I thank God for that preparation. It would've been much harder otherwise.

So next will be telling my kids.

thanks so much for all the prayers and thoughts. I love you all.


December 10, 2011, 13:43

🙂 Well done.

Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
December 10, 2011, 14:47

Wow. Well done, I'm sure it was a bit of a nervous time for you. I do feel for your husband, I imagine it was a bit of a shock, did he have any idea. Sounds like he is a wonderful man, I hope you can still remain good friends.

It was a really brave thing you have done, some people might of just kept their mouth shut and left things as they were. You have stood up for yourself, you have worked out what you need, what would make you happy and have had the guts to say so. As you know many people stay in marriages they aren't happy in, it takes a lot of courage and strength to change things.

I really really hope and pray things work out the best for both of you. I know there is support, help and information for friends and family who have gay family, friends, children etc, I'm not sure what is out there to help your husband through this time. Maybe other's like Ann Marie might be able to point you in the right direction so he can have a place to express how he feels and find some support and maybe have some questions answered.

You have got over a very big hurdle, next your children, I pray that goes just as well with them. You could direct them and your husband to the Straight Friends, Family and Supporters section of this forum.

God Bless

Princess _Fiona
Joined in 2011
December 10, 2011, 15:01

Hi Rainbow Girl

Firstly I want to give you a huge hug (wish I had a cute little emote for that). WTG your one courageous woman.

So glad to read that God gave you His peace. Well done for how you handle it. I smiled when I read said "I answered his question and let him say or do whatever he felt to do" This is such an important thing to do for our loved ones.

As he process this news, I'm sure he will start to go through the grieving process, shock, denial, pain , guilt, anger, bargaining, depression, reflection, acceptance and hope to name some. He may even grieve "what you did have and also what you could of / should of had in his mind". Its great to read that his view and understanding of homosexuality are almost the same as yours. It does seem that God has certainly been preparing the way, so this will all help with the process. It also nice to read that you have a confidence that he will be okay. 🙂

I mostly want you to know, you not alone in this, we are standing with you and praying for you and your family during this time. May you know and experience God's love, peace and strength.

Another huge hug for you 🙂

Rainbow Girl
Joined in 2011
December 10, 2011, 15:39

Thank you so much Mother Hen and Princess _Fiona…your words bring much encouragement to me.

Thanks for the lovely hugs, and uplifting words.

Yes I do believe God has been preparing my family for this day. I will continue trusting Him.

Anthony put me onto Straight Spouses Network…and I have a number my husband can call to talk to someone who's been where he is. Also I printed some information for him from a link about coming to terms with a partner coming out.

Yes, he will go through a whole range of emotions from denial and fear to anger and grief. I really do feel for him right now and wish there was a way to make this easier.

I will keep updating this as things happen.

((hugs)) to you too.

Joined in 2011
December 10, 2011, 16:02

Wow Rainbow Girl – good on you – what a lot of courage and strength you have shown and what a lot of emotions must be running through you and your body at the moment.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sarab xx

Rainbow Girl
Joined in 2011
December 11, 2011, 07:19

Hi Sarab…thanks for your thoughts and prayers…I appreciate you.

It is definitely hard to watch my husband going through this. At the same time I can see God's hand at work. He really is making a difference.

Things have been quiet around here…we had a chat this morning about a movie. (I think we will do 'friends' far better than we did 'lovers'.)

I'm aware of people's prayers around me…and all around the world! Its amazing how connected we all are, even when miles separate us.

Thanks all so much.

I now plan the next step…telling my kids.


Page:   1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
WP Forum Server by ForumPress | LucidCrew
Version: 99.9; Page loaded in: 0.112 seconds.