Here is my story…

I'm 51 and have been rockily married for just over 30 years. I have been a Christian since I don't know when…well since childhood, and have mostly lived a 'good Christian life', apart from being a rebellious teenager.

I'm in the process of coming out. It all began happening quite recently, when I learned that God loves and accepts LGBT people. He created us to be who we are, and its absolutely possible to be gay and Christian.

At first I considered myself to be a straight ally….I was passionate about becoming a gay rights activist, as someone who is heterosexual and loves God and gays. My biggest peeve in the world would be injustice…no matter who is being affected by it. I value justice extremely highly. So I readily jumped into doing what I could when injustices towards LGBT people became known to me.

Next chapter….I started to question my sexuality. I didn't set out to…it just happened. It was like my eyes were being opened to who I am. I was in a turmoil for a while…not knowing what I was! Heterosexual? Bisexual? Lesbian?

I managed to shelve it for a bit. But not for long. It became more and more apparent to me that, yes…I am a lesbian.

I always have been. But, being programmed and conditioned to think and act a certain way, coupled with never knowing anyone who wasn't straight, while growing up, kept me in denial to the point I suppressed who I was.

Looking back I can see so many indicators…crushes on girls at school, crushes on female celebrities, and so many other things that happened, some of which I can't mention here. I have always struggled with being married. I could never quite work out what was wrong…why we had no connection and why the uncomfortable feelings when being intimate. Feeling like I didn't fit, like strangers or flatmates who happened to share a bed.

Now I know. Now everything is falling into place. It all makes sense….now.

I've come out to some close friends from an MCC Church…and am so grateful for the love and support I experience from them. God prepared the way for me when He guided me to go to this Church. Its awesome to have a support network, because the road ahead will be difficult.

So far, coming out has been an exhilarating experience. Its been with safe affirming people. I feel free and light, and I feel like I'm starting to really be myself. Like a butterfly finally escaping from a cocoon, and getting ready to fly.

I know God is with me, and for me. He has shown me I'm okay, I'm loved, and He's known who I was all along.

Telling my husband will be the hardest thing. I'm praying for God to prepare him for what's coming.

I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm elated. I'm anxious. I'm happy. I'm sad…..mixed-up emotions all right. But its all good, and will all work out. I love it when people are praying for me….so feel free.

I'm a lesbian…and I'm proud to be me!

Hi Ann Maree,

Thanks for your reply and encouragement.

My husband and I have never been really close. Even when I feel love for him and a fondness towards him…its like he's a good friend or something. I have tried everything to be the kind of wife he wants….but I don't have that kind of attraction for him….and now I know why…… Sometime soon he will also know why.

We've had some very tough times… including two separations. I had an affair with someone…a man…looking for companionship…but that was very short-lived. Obviously I didn't find what I was looking for, and what I can only find in a relationship with a woman. I'm looking forward to a loving relationship with a someone someday….I long for the right kind of intimacy and companionship.

Its amazing how many stories I've read that sound just like mine, with a few minor differences. It's true about woman, especially of the older variety, who are so conditioned to a certain way of life, that we lose ourselves and can't entertain the thought of being different to other women. I was always a bit different though…but so shy and quiet. Ha! That's changed!

I was sent here by Anthony Venn-Brown. He has been a life saver when I needed a support person. I would've felt so alone and with no idea of my options without his guidance and wisdom. Its great to have someone with such experience to guide me through my coming out process. Thanks Anthony, you're one in a million.

I'm grateful I've found this group.

Hi Rainbow Girl,

Welcome 2 F2B, it's so great to have you share your story. As you mention some are similar to yours with aspects you can relate to and others are very different. Shows that we all come from different background, places and experiences yet we can all come together on this forum and be united, offer support and love to everyone. I think it's fantastic.

I will certainly be praying for you as you approach telling your husband, I'm sure if will not be easy, who knows maybe it will be a relief for him and a ahh moment that explains things for him. I pray it works out well for both of you. Do you have any children?

In relation to you not being able to put your profile picture up, the web site has very recently changed and some little bits are still being fixed so it could be due to that.

Thanks heaps for sharing

God bless

I'm hoping that my story will be an encouragement to someone who is facing a similar situation.

I will try to update the progress as things happen.

Rainbow Girl

Princess_Fiona

Hello. ( I had a massive crush on a Fiona in High School…she was so pretty and I was so shy. I didn't see it as a crush though…I do now )

Thanks for your advice. I guess everyone processes things differently and they need their space to come to terms with it all.

It will be difficult to tell people…even the ones who I know will be okay with it. I have no idea how I will break it to my husband…but I know I can trust God to help me and help him too.

Thanks for sharing a bit about your journey. It's great you have the support of your mum and children. You are very brave. Did you have a support network around you?

If there's an MCC Church near you I'd encourage you to check it out. It is exactly what I needed. The people are the best and I love them so much. You will be accepted and loved completely. Funny …that's just what the Church should look like and the LGBT inclusive ones are doing it best!

This is a welcoming place to be, with loads of love and encouragement. Maybe one day I'll have the opportunity to hear your story….I'd like that…a face-to-face chat maybe? 🙂

Thanks for your lovely warm welcome.