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Dating a non-Christian if you are a Christian.

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Guest

January 8, 2011, 14:22

I have been brought up to believe that Christians shouldn’t be romantically involved with non-Christians cos of the whole being “un-equally yoked” thing in the Bible. Is this out dated, or just according to the customs of the time? What do you think?



forestgrey
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
January 8, 2011, 15:23

I tend to think that the biblical advice is just plain common-sense. Being “like-minded” in many things – especially those aspects of our lives which we regard as most important – would seem to be a key aspect in maintaining the depth & longevity of a relationship.


Over my many years of Christian life, I’ve seen many a Christian friend (more often female than male??!!) fall in love with, and subsequently marry, a non-Christian. Despite the biblical advice, the Christian has maintained “I love him(her) and my prayers will bring him to faith too”. It rarely happens. Often has seen the Christian eventually wane in his/her own faith, OR continue in faith (& church involvement) alone .. .. .. that is, living the spiritial part of life on a different plane to the spouse – and sometimes in the face of active hostility. The faithfulness and ‘stickability’ of such (usually) Christian women in the pain of the situation has always amazed and impressed me. I can recall many times where such a relationship has eventually ended in separation/divorce.



Guest

January 8, 2011, 15:28

Thanks for your wise words…It is easy to feel like compromising on that when there aren’t many potential Christian partners around 🙁



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
January 8, 2011, 16:09

Hi Maryanne


I take forestgrey’s point about being like-minded as a good one.


However, I think this is important to apply more deeply than whether one person is Christian and the other non Christian. You could have two Christians in a relationship but one who is half hearted in their faith and the other who is totally dedicated. To me that’s an example of being ‘unequally yoked’ and I would foresee that difference between the pair as a likely source of pain in the relationship. On the other hand, I’ve known people of completely different faiths who are in very loving, committed relationships and not what I would describe as ‘unequally yoked’. In a sense, they have the same level of commitment to their faiths and can respect the differences between them. So in a very real way they are united in spirituality. They each go to some functions in the other’s religion and have taken on some of the other’s learning although still remain true to their own path. To me that’s very beautiful. Again, what makes it work is that at the heart of things, the two are like-minded in having an interfaith perspective. And yet it goes much broader than that. They can both integrate differences and are each committed to making that work. Not converting each other but respecting each other’s choices and loving them as they are. They are also both equally committed to making their relationship a success.


I think it’s very important to have similar values and compatibilities. And to really look at the way each person approaches life, spirituality and what’s important to themselves and the other.


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Guest

January 8, 2011, 16:22

Food for thought Ann Maree…very good points…I love hearing all the different opinions so I can decide for myself 🙂



ammi
 
Joined in 2011
January 8, 2011, 17:13

I really like Ann Maree’s perspective. The label of ‘christian’ and non-christian’ can be unhelpful sometimes – because of the wide spectrum of commitment that falls under each catagory. I was bought up with the ‘not being un- equally yoked’ text as well – but as I have grown in my understanding of God’s universal love – I think I would agree that the commitment to similar values, respect for each other, and commitment to respect for spirituality are the key ingredients for a meaningful, rich, and long term relationship. Of course – if there is someone who loves Jesus and shares your faith – that is a special added bonus.


ammi



Guest

January 8, 2011, 17:22

Thanks Ammi, yes what you say make a lot of sense 🙂



danielgtaylor
 
Joined in 2008
January 9, 2011, 23:35

I was brought up with the same thinking as you — that Christians should only partner with other Christians. It does make sense — it’s hard enough being rainbow and Christian as it without placing hurdles in your own path. It was King Solomon’s non-Jewish wives that led him astray.


Now that I’ve entered the dating game, I’m willing to make being a Christian a MUST in a partner. I’m not limiting my dates to people I meet at church, but I make it clear to people before I ask them out that I’m a Christian. I let them know I go to a gay-accepting church. Before I’ll let the dating process go too far, I expect them to come to church with me.


I have a faith that God will provide me with the ideal partner for me, but that said, I’ve been single for some time and won’t rush into things just to get a boyfriend.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
January 10, 2011, 00:33

i have known Christian couples who are unequally yoked……it is so much more than a belief system.


I was brought up in a society where catholics and protestants were not allowed to get married…..how ridiculous is that.



Guest

January 15, 2011, 14:19

Very good points 🙂


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