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Do Parents Cause Homosexuality ?

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forestgrey
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
June 3, 2011, 15:16

Chuck Colson is an influential evangelical in the USA. Here are comments on a recent article he wrote. Both funny and sad. The lengths some will go to to justify their misconceptions.


From: http://www.crosswalk.com/


Yesterday, Chuck Colson posted a column titled “Born Gay? A Parent’s Guide” which asserted that the way parents relate to their male children can create homosexuality. Colson quoted extensively from Joseph and Linda Nicolosi’s book, A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality as support for the view that weak or distant fathers and smothering mothers create gay males. According to Nicolosi, gay males suffered a “gender wound” in childhood and failed to identify properly with their fathers. These males remain tied to their mothers and reject masculine identification. Somehow, however, the “prehomosexual male” becomes gay by falling in love with what he once rejected – masculinity – and seeks gay sex as a means to find it. Trying to make sense of this, Colson, channeling Nicolosi, writes (in italics)


Nicolosi explains “Such a boy will…retreat from the challenge of identifying with his dad and the masculinity he represents…Instead of incorporating a masculine sense of self, the prehomosexual boy is doing just the opposite — rejecting his emerging maleness and thus developing a defensive position against it.”



Nicolosi says that as a young adult, the boy “will fall in love with what he has lost by seeking out someone who seems to possess what is missing within himself.”


Can such a dynamic be prevented?


According to Nicolosi and Colson, parents can take steps to prevent a gay outcome. The key? Better parenting. Colson writes (in italics)


Early intervention, in which the boy’s father learns how to be both strong and caring, will interrupt an unhealthy mother-son bond.



Did you catch the assumption? If a boy is gay, his father was not “both strong and caring” and the bond with the mother was “unhealthy.” To an audience consisting of evangelicals, these are ominous words. In future broadcasts, Colson promises to bring more information “about what parents can do to lessen the chances their children will grow up homosexual.” Apparently, females are not of interest here since they are not mentioned by Colson.


This advice is unfortunate for academic and practical reasons. It is difficult to research family dynamics and sexual orientation because of the subjectivity of the variables. There are no direct tests of how attached a boy is to his father; recollections of children and parents are subject to bias and reconstruction. In practice, if you believe the reports of men who say they are gay because their fathers were distant, then you are bound to believe the reports of gay men who say they had close relationships with their fathers. In that case, the theory fails as a general explanation for homosexuality because, as I illustrate below, there are numerous gay men and their fathers who report histories of close bonding and mutual love.


Another academic approach is to test a prediction based on the theory. In this case, one might expect the dynamics proposed by Nicolosi to be more frequent in fatherless homes. However, a 2010 New Zealand study led by Elisabeth Wells reported no effect of single parent homes on sexual orientation or behavior as compared to families with a biological mom and dad. Some of the results seem hard to explain by any theory. For instance, the odds of homosexuality increased slightly when divorced parents remarried, bringing two step-parents into the picture. However, the likelihood of homosexual orientation actually decreased where there was only one step-parent. A 2008 US study by Andrew Francis found that having no involved parents was mildly associated with a same-sex partner for both boys and girls. However, single parent homes, whether with mom or dad were not associated with having a same-gender partner or romantic attraction to the same sex.


Practically, such advice has caused confusion and pain among evangelical families, where being gay is a challenge socially and religiously. I have worked with parents who were near divorce over who caused their son to be gay. They had read the books and gone to the conferences which blamed them for their son’s “condition.” Surely, no parent is perfect but something seems wrong about obviously loving and involved parents examining and re-examining every move they made to find out where they “failed.” In that particular case, the father had actually spent more time nurturing his son during the growing up years because his job allowed him to work at home.


In my experience, many fathers and gay sons describe close, loving relationships. For instance, one man described his

relationship with his gay son this way (in italics):


When my son was 18 months to 3 years old (and on into childhood), we enjoyed a wonderfully close relationship. We explored the world behind the YMCA and called it travelling, looking for creatures in nooks and crannies. When it would snow, we bundled up and follow the same path. We hunted for snakes together in the creek, built a swamp world for various amphibians and generally loved each others’ company. Wherever I was, there was my son; as my wife would say, we were like “Peel and Stick.”



I recall one young man I worked with in counseling who first disclosed his same-sex attractions to his father because his dad was his closest friend. When they read the theory Colson described, they were bewildered and angry. A very masculine linebacker for his high school football team, the young man scoffed at the idea that he was identified with his mother.


It appears that the underlying purpose in Colson’s presentation of Nicolosi’s theory is to present an alternative to prenatal theories of sexual orientation. He writes (in italics)


“The most important message we can offer,” Nicolosi says, “is that there is no such thing as a ‘gay child’ or a ‘gay teen.’…That is exactly the opposite message we hear from gay activists who claim that people are “born gay” and that confused teens ought to be encouraged to embrace homosexuality. And heaven help anyone who would suggest otherwise.


Fighting a political agenda is not a good reason to promote questionable theories. There is currently no scientific consensus about why sexual orientation takes the direction it does. Homosexuality is not strongly related to genetics but that does not mean that parenting is the only alternative non-genetic factor. Other prenatal factors, such hormonal variations during prenatal development, are being investigated and might be a part of the picture. The jury is out with much more research to be done, but what has been done on parenting does not inspire confidence in the claim that distant fathers and smothering mothers create gay men.

______________________________________________________________________________________


Dr. Warren Throckmorton

.



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
June 3, 2011, 17:06

Hi forestgrey


Thanks for posting this.


It’s amazing that preachers can trot out their ideas in a public space and yet they don’t know the subject they speak of! It would be like me talking about engineering or construction; areas I know nothing about and so just wouldn’t do it. I mean if Dr Warren Throckmorton, an assoc professor of psychology, is sensible enough to know he doesn’t have all the answers on the subject, what makes people like Colson and Nicolosi think they do?


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 6, 2011, 00:48

From my understanding Throckmorton has not really been totally onboard with our issues….and in some circles has been percieved as the enemy. I know he has been positively involved in opposing the Ugandan anti-gay bill. I will check my sources in the US and get back to you. Not to say there is some truth in this article though.


Here is a quote about Warren from Wayne Besens site


I still disagree, with Throckmorton’s view that, “Physicians should recognize the important role of religious faith and for those people who believe at their core that homosexual behavior is wrong, there should be alternatives.”


In my view, the likelihood of finding happiness in denying one’s sexual orientation and forgoing all possibility of sexual exploration and true love is remote. Still this is an honest disagreement and Throckmorton should be commended for urging honesty with clients. If people have all the facts, are not being misled or presented with bogus theories like “reparative therapy” than they are free to do as they please. (Although there is a legitimate worry that guilt and shame may harm clients)


The bottom line is we do not have to agree on everything to have an honest discussion

[url=http://www.truthwinsout.org/blog/2010/04/8106/


]http://www.truthwinsout.org/blog/2010/04/8106/

and this in wikipedia


Throckmorton has been involved in controversy over the origins and treatment of variations in gender identity. The February 2008 issue of Christianity Today carried an article discussing how Throckmorton has advised people who are in agony over being transgendered that their desires are not in accord with the Bible.[15] “Even if science does determine differentiation in the brain at birth,” Throckmorton says, “even if there are prenatal influences, we can’t set aside teachings of the Bible, because of research findings.”[15] Throckmorton subsequently argued that these comments were quoted “out of context.” On his blog, he stated that people should consult physicians, specialists, and spiritual advisors in resolving their feelings. If someone decides that sexual reassignment violates faith, then this feeling may guide their decisions.[16]



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
June 6, 2011, 09:56

far out if our parents were to blame then wouldnt ALL my siblings be gay or lez??????? far oot! 😐



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
June 6, 2011, 18:21

Hi magsdee


You said:


far out if our parents were to blame then wouldnt ALL my siblings be gay or lez??????? far oot!


Good point! I guess when faced with this argument those that blame the parents would soon find some other target to blame. Sad isn’t it?


Blessings,


Ann Maree



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
June 6, 2011, 19:32

yep they will find some other reason, no one wants to admit that we are born this way since it would mean admitting they were wrong, same as the church at large, sadly theyve placed themselves on an infallible pedestal and they will reap from that sadly :(( at the cost of human lives tho sadly too…….but the tide is changing..



forestgrey
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
June 6, 2011, 21:57

Spot on, Magsdee. They have “painted themselves into a corner”. Their pride won’t let them admit that they just might be wrong. They are saying that they have the absolute truth and have nothing else to learn. It is somewhat arrogant. But, we just have to keep loving them until something cracks. It’s interesting how some of them don’t soften until a child or sibling comes out – then family love overwhelms their theology.



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
June 7, 2011, 11:31

yes true and there are more not so afraid to come out like there used to be……..its gonna have to give eventually (the churches view) same as anything else that has been misconstrued……..freedom is eminent!!!!!!!! 🙂



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 7, 2011, 14:08

the fundamental flaw in the parents relationship with children can make them gay theory is so huge you can drive a Mac truck through it.


It can never answer the question what about the other kids in the family who didn’t turn out gay…..and…..why have all those people with wonderful, loving relationships with their parents turned out gay.


Gay and lesbian people who have had a difficult time with their parents can latch on to this theory as an explanation when trying to find out why. I know I subscribed to it myself for many years. My Dad was fairly distant. I had three sisters. I genuinely thought that this is what had made me gay. Of course I woke up one day and realised that growing up in the 50’s and 60’s ……the majority of fathers were basically distant…seeing their role as being a provider and authority figure (wait till your father gets home was said regularly when I misbehaved).


If this theory was true then there should be a huge spike in the number of gay men produced in this era………there of course has never been a spike in the number of gay men or lesbians ……it has remained constant….over decades and cultures.



Michelle
President
Joined in 2008
June 8, 2011, 23:24

8) Its certainly an ignorant point of view and boils down to his interpretations. I happen to have an unusual history with my parents…Mum was attentive and nurturing but not really affectionate, Dad was always present but also not really affectionate but very compassionate to others. When I came out though Dad was my biggest supporter! Ive also just found my second cousin is part of F2b (my dads cousin!) so if their is a link to my being Gay damned if I can explain it!


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