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ex-pentecostal / now Bi

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deafant
 
Joined in 2009
October 9, 2009, 04:13

Hi all,


I am an ex-pentecostal and I am not currently attending a church. It was outside of church that I found more freedom to be me (by saying this I don’t mean to imply all churches are limiting and unhealthy). It was in this place of freedom I started to question lots of things and amongst other things, discover that I was bisexual. This didn’t sit too well with my wife (also christian) at that time and it was part of the reasons for our break up but it was the real beginning of being the real me and I didn’t have to hide who I was.


I did try attending another church (Anglican) for my wife’s sake and I also tried to stop being bi too – neither of those strategies worked very well.


– I only saw pale shadows of the Pentecostal scene in the Anglican church we attended. Obviously not all Anglican churches are like that but I didn’t really wanna be around trad christianity at that time.


– As for trying to be straight once I had been like aware of my attraction for men, I was out socialising with some friends and in walked these two oh-so-cute guys and I was gone – you could have knocked me over with a feather at that point! 😆


Also I didn’t realise how much of the teachings of the church affected me as I became active in seeking out same sex encounters and relationships and I still deal with that to some extent. Its kinda like having a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. Being tugged in two different directions which was and still can be mentally and emotionally taxing.


I am totally pleased to read up on different interpretations of the bible verses used as an argument against same sex relationships. So thanks for the resources you have here. Its sometimes like one thing to have ones own interpretation but to find other people interpret in a similar way gives me strength to know that it is logical and I am not alone in this view.


I just wanted to say I am kinda nervous about throwing myself in here – into what seems to be essentially a christian crowd when my experience with christians and churches in the past has been abusive on different levels to the point that in the end I wanted nothing to do with churches and christians as it was too damaging, hurtful and depressing – I am not saying any of you are like that but I wanted y’all to know that that I am not quite over it all and some of my memories make me quite angry and depressed at times. Suffice it to say I am probably not too crazy about attending a church at this moment in time. Thats not to say I don’t miss it – especially the lively singing – but at the same time there is an understandable aversion. I also don’t think there is much chance of being accepted by pentecostal church as a bi male.


Despite this, I have always remained a spiritual person – I have enjoyed exploring other spiritual paths and I have to say I learned so much from many different people 🙂 including christians. I have learnt that we are all people and I hate the divisions that is often created by people of a religious persuasion. We have much to learn from each other.



Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
October 9, 2009, 13:36

Hi deafant


Welcome to the forums. I am so pleased to see you here.


Your story was not too long by any means, we have some very long, and continuing threads here about people’s journeys and it’s always a blessing to hear them, because it lets us know that we are not as alone as we tend to think we are.



deafant
 
Joined in 2009
October 9, 2009, 15:44

Hi MagzDragon,


Thanks for your welcome I so appreciate it 🙂 and I was concerned about the 1000 word limit and after posting I found out it was only a mere 300ish 😆


I might go back and say some of the things I left out!


Hehe a modest 578 words or so now 😆


Love and Light 😀



Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
October 9, 2009, 18:42

Good on you for adding a little bit more to your post.


You’re not limited to one post either. If you want to add more to your story as time goes on, you can always just continue this same thread with additional posts. You might have noticed that some of us have done that, and some of us — namely me — have more than one thread. 😆



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
October 9, 2009, 23:08

welcome welcome welcome deafant


Good to have you with us. We put the suggested 1000 word limit as sometimes people posted short stories……and then wondered why no one responded….hehe. I guess we are all a bit time poor.


Freedom 2 b[e] is a place that has no agenda about beliefs……..just that we come from the same background. You’ll find gay christians here….some who no longer are following a formal faith and some who have redefined their beliefs.


http://www.freedom2b.org/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=29


BTW…..how did you find us.



iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
October 9, 2009, 23:46

Hi deafant, and welcome to Freedom2b[e],


I can relate to your journey as mine is somewhat similar, as I too left my pente church in difficult circumstances as they were sometimes abusive and controlling in their behaviour towards the flock. I don’t go to any church and haven’t been now for about 2 years. My faith is still with me but I am comfortable with the fact that I’m not in an organised fellowship at this time. That might change down the track but for now I have Freedom2b[e] to provide me with connection, dialogue and support as a gay man.



deafant
 
Joined in 2009
October 10, 2009, 01:41

Hiya avb, thanks for your welcome,


We meet again but this time in cyberspace. You may not remember me but I was at your book launch in Melb for the new edition and I have a signed copy of the book to prove it lol. I did ask you if it was you walking on the road in the picture on the cover of the book and you had a chuckle and said that I was the first person to ask you that.


I did look up this site back then as I found it via a lovely trans friend who may be on the list still – dunno – will hafta ask them when see them next which will prolly be tmw night. But back then there were a few reasons I didn’t get into this site back then. But this time around it was at the invite of the charming MagzDragon who I met recently on another site.


I would be in Group 5 yay there is a group 4 me altho I did become aware of being bi after leaving church and as such I haven’t experienced abuse from christian churches cos of being bi. Also interesting I read somewhere here that Freedom 2b isnt a Christian organisation which makes me feel a bi more comfy this time around. 😀



deafant
 
Joined in 2009
October 10, 2009, 02:05

Hey mobileguy,


Thanks for your welcome.


I am glad that you are comfortable with where you are at thats a really important thing and it makes such a huge difference doesn’t it? Your faith is not dependent on regular attendance at an organised regular fellowship. Belief in faith is all thats required.


Yeah the pente’s are some of the worst abusers ever I sometimes reel in horror for those that went through far worse than I did – I so empathise with their plight and their story. I think well it could have been me and I am gaga – speechless.


Love and Light



Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
October 10, 2009, 02:28

But this time around it was at the invite of the charming MagzDragon who I met recently on another site.


I would be in Group 5 yay there is a group 4 me altho I did become aware of being bi after leaving church and as such I haven’t experienced abuse from christian churches cos of being bi. Also interesting I read somewhere here that Freedom 2b isnt a Christian organisation which makes me feel a bi more comfy this time around. 😀


Charming huh? 🙂 Wait’ll you get to know me. 😆


I fall into group 5 as well. I left the church quite a while before I came out, and have not really experienced much in the way of persecution or abuse. I think that my main struggle was more of an internal one, which is why I keep putting off writing my story in a book. 😆 Internalised struggles are never as interesting as external ones! 🙂


My battleground was my own mind and attitude and my own beliefs and trying to resolve what I believed with the things I learned when I started to really look into the Bible verses most often used against GLBTIQ persons.


I was my own tormentor for a long time.


Thank heavens I got past all that though and am starting to piece things back together, slowly.



deafant
 
Joined in 2009
October 10, 2009, 02:57

Hey Magzdragon,


Never knock back a compliment there are too few going around 😀 Besides I’d hate to think that all that charm was just for show 😆 But its my british culture coming through (altho I am an Oz citizen!) – brits are good users of the word charming far more so than other english speaking cultures.


But I digress, – yay we are both group 5!


Yeah well internal struggles arent much of a spectator sport 😆 LOL however external struggles tend to draw a larger crowd – or at least thats the idea 😆 hehe.


I hear you the journey is often a torment in the mind – its been that way for me too. I am so glad you don’t torment yourself anymore I am doing it less and less as I commit and stick to my own personal growth. Little by little – its a frustrating pace sometimes but it pays off in the long run


Love and Light


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