Fear and Coming Out

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Joined in 2008
June 16, 2009, 15:50

I thought it was time we had an actual discussion. And this question has been especially pertinent to me recently. 🙂 So here we go.

I believe all of us here would recognize fear as a negative thing although, I’m sure some of us would quickly point out some fears are good. Fear of sticking your finger into an electrical outlet because you might get shocked is a healthy fear, so long as it doesn’t become obsessive or crippling for some reason, like refusal to go near an electrical outlet because you might somehow stick your finger in it. That’s also true. But we’re going to start with all of this assumed, because that’s not the point of the discussion, just a bit of framework.

I’m sure most of us would agree that you do not have to come out unless you feel safe and comfortable doing so. But what is the difference between refusing to come out because you are afraid to do it and refusing to come out because you think it could unnecessarily jeopardize a peaceful situation? Is there any overlap? Are they just two ways of describing the same thing with the latter simply being a pretty way to describe the former? Is it wrong, even morally wrong, to use fear as an excuse to not come out? Is refusing to come out to certain people a sign that you are not comfortable with yourself? I could see arguments for both sides… quite a sticky conversation, I think.

So have fun. I’ll be interested to read the answers. 🙂

Joined in 2006
June 16, 2009, 17:50

well my life experience says this – yes some fears are crippling and others are very healthy

you have to work out the difference and mostly through experience and listening to your spirit/soul/instinct (whatever you refer it as)

as far as coming out – we have to weight everything up

and everyone’s situation is unique to them,

i found in part that i feared very bad reactions from my kids and family but they were great (fear was unfounded)

while when i came out to people from my church days as they came across me (cos i left church for non sexuality reasons) – well they were most typical and ugly for the most part – some of them 6 years later still sneer at me and abuse me verbally when they see me in the shopping centers/beach etc

i think the fear of the unknown and our imagination is our worst enemy

but for me – coming out was the most liberating experience i have ever encountered in my life

and i had a fairly wild (as in good) conversion to Christ believing

But i was not in church when i came out

I think that would be a major factor in deciding to come out or not, depending on your church, the leadership etc

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