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Former Youth Worker from N.Z, now rejected church goer.

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gymgirl
 
Joined in 2007
November 16, 2007, 17:30

I had these big visions when I was younger (raised in the AOG & New Life Churches), that one day I’d preach God’s Work – marry an evangalist & life would be great.


I did my training at two different bible colleges in NZ….but now, I’ve fallen from grace (so to speak), from the Christian point of view.


I’m a lesbian & I can’t change who I am. This year I turned 28 and I thought that I could no longer kidd myself or run from who I am.


So….I start my life all over again & now I’m training to be a lawyer. But sometimes I find it hard & I wonder if God could possible love me still – being gay.


Churches in New Zealand I don’t think are loving towards gays….I wrote an article in support of same-sex marriages & it went on-line in the Gay Community. Then this NZ Christian web-site wrote an article negatively about me, stating basically that there was still hope for me and to repeat. So, I wrote another article speaking about loving homosexuals.


Some times I wonder if I could keep living life as a gay person. If I wasn’t a Christian & had a relationship with God, I think that I would have easily given up hope & my will to live….as its not easy & I find it hard being rejected by people, for something I can’t change.


The other day…..this bi-sexual christian sat down with me and said how scary it is for someone who is a lesbian to live their whole lives with their girlfriend….not knowing that they may go to hell….& how you’d have to love that person so much to risk not going to heaven.


I fought back my feelings of displeasure with my ‘so called friend’ who I no longer see, as she’s rejected me for being gay . But it made me wonder, how quick people are to judge….I’m far from being an immoral person….I live my life with Christian values of loving others, I’m still a virgin (although thats rare for somebody my age)…But I’m just waiting to meet that right person, who I know will be a girl – as I’m not attracted to guys. Does that really make me an immoral person deserving of hell? Can God still love me?


I have questions still….some times I look back at my life and I feel like I’ve failed God’s Calling on my life. As I’ve had preachers pray for me in churches & say that God is calling me to go overseas and preach the gospel when the times right….I’ll go!!!!


But, now I’ve lost everything…but I’ve gained a lot of passion. I see a lot of injustice and inequality towards gays and I feel a passion to advocate for seeing love installed in the church…but, I’m afraid that would never be a message I could preach…..so I will have to stick to being a barrister for criminal law….but, I wonder – WHY? Why is that gays and lesbians have to feel ashamed in the church? Why is it that churches don’t see logic and apply intelligence in realising that they portray hate towards gays, instead of love? I hope this changes……I don’t go to church anymore.


November 16, 2007, 23:19

I fought back my feelings of displeasure with my ‘so called friend’ who I no longer see, as she’s rejected me for being gay . But it made me wonder, how quick people are to judge….


I know exactly what you mean Gymgirl. My best friend who I grew up with and was best man at his wedding told me he didn’t want to see me again after he found out I was gay. Kind of goes against the concept that God is love to me.


I love the line in Simpsons when Homer asks Flanders where his wife is.


“She’s at Bible Camp learning how to be more judgmental”.


It’s funny cause it’s true. 😆



gymgirl
 
Joined in 2007
November 17, 2007, 12:45

Thats really funny…….You made me laugh (I haven’t heard that one before). It reminds me of one of my lectures at bible college in NZ (Lifeway), where Trevor Yaxley (great man) – but he was putting down homosexual people and said it was selfish of this women who said to her child, when she asked ‘where’s Daddy’, and the Mother said – ‘Mummy wanted another Mummy”. The whole room of bible college students cracked up laughing-in support of him…..I sat there as a lesbian student thinking, ‘well….if only you had a bit more understanding’….it seems we raise a generation of pasters and evangalists, who learn more about judgement, than becoming more knowledgeable and understanding….I’m glad I left bible camp & sat outside with the broken & homeless & heard of their stories outside the relm of ‘bubble’ christian community.



Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
November 17, 2007, 13:00

I got a chuckle from the Simpson’s line as well. It’s just sad that the reason it is funny, is because it is true.


Welcome to F2B gymgirl, I’m pleased to meet you. I can also relate to being lesbian and sitting in Bible College listening while good and sincere men and women put down homosexuals and wishing that they had more understanding and compassion.


Fortunately, some of us did break out of the ‘bubble’ and got out there where the rubber meets the road and learned a better, more compassionate way of meeting people where they’re at.


God bless,



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
November 17, 2007, 15:31

Hey gymgirl…..welcome and thanks for sharing part of you journey with us.


there are still many within our pentecostal and other circles who are yet to realise that homosexuality does not equal immorality. I does tick me off when people make all sorts of assumptions and judgements when they know i’m gay. A statement I’m quite well known for that often makes people think is “My morality is a choice, my sexual orientation however isn’t“. I think it was that statement that I kept saying at my meeting with the national executive of the AOG that encouraged them to rewrite their statement on homosexualiy.


Of course there is always that funny response we get sometimes…….‘so are your a practicing homosexual’


no….I’m no longer practicing…. I think I’ve got it down to fine art now. I think gay, I live gay, i’m gay to the very core of my being now. I was a practicing heterosexual for 22 years and somehow I just couldn’t get it right. My dress sense was too good, I danced like Fred Estair, and could whip up amazing meals.


Homosexual…….I guess I’m just gifted in that area,…no need to practice…… some of us have it, some of us don’t. What’s your gift?”


😆 😆 😆


Please forgive me for stereotyping 😆 😆 😆



Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
November 17, 2007, 15:52

Of course there is always that funny response we get sometimes…….‘so are your a practicing homosexual’


no….I’m no longer practicing…. I think I’ve got it down to fine art now. I think gay, I live gay, i’m gay to the very core of my being now. I was a practicing heterosexual for 22 years and somehow I just couldn’t get it right. My dress sense was too good, I danced like Fred Estair, and could whip up amazing meals.


Homosexual…….I guess I’m just gifted in that area,…no need to practice…… some of us have it, some of us don’t. What’s your gift?”


😆 😆 😆


Please forgive me for stereotyping 😆 😆 😆


😆 😆 Anthony, you crack me up! 😆 All is forgiven, and thanks for the smiles.


Blessings



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
November 17, 2007, 22:54

I never knew you were such a comedian Anthony! Mags is right, your a crack up!! 😆 😆 Can I use those lines sometime? 😉


Feel free to quote me any time. Yes I do have a sense of humour……I let it out occassionally in the second edtion…… 😆 😆 page 319….probably what helped get it banned at Koorong. 😆 😆



gymgirl
 
Joined in 2007
November 18, 2007, 16:35

Yer….your pretty funny Anthony. I’m really pleased there is gay christians out there. I only find out a few months ago (through the chaplin) on campus, that there was one gay guy who goes to the gay and lesbian group on campus. Otherwise, I wouldn’t find any gay christians in church – except through the Living Waters Ex-gay courses they run in NZ, (or should I say – use to run) – which are no longer successful.


This gay guy sent me a C.D of Tony Campolo, on the issue of homosexuality, and I found it helpful in realising that there was at least one minister who dared to speak on the issue, in a non-judgemental way.


Now, from seeing the write up of you Anthony on the gaynz.com website, was encouraging to me, as your book, your passion, your experiences & life, is incredible!!!! Great, when someone’s turns everything into a positive and works at bringing change, where it is desparately needed. Thank God – for your courage – your an inspiration.


I’m looking forward to getting your book and reading it….its great, before I knew of your work, there was no resources I knew of to help me with my understanding…..the University chaplin couldn’t answer any of my questions – she just sent me away and told me to do my own research.


THANKS!!!!!!!!



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
November 19, 2007, 00:37

Well that was really helpful of him, NOT!!!!!!!! shock

Hi gymgirl, Im glad you found us at F2B, it helps when you know their are other gay/lesbian christians about. Beats me how people can stand in the place of God and judge where we are going to go when we leave this orbit. There is a great resource section on this site that can help with questions you may have, it certainly helped me in many ways.


Its going to be interesting to see where your profession and the call on your life will take you, God can put quite a curve ball into it all and just amaze us how he will minister through us to the people he wants to reach, I mean far out, look at Anthony, I bet 20yrs ago never in his wildest dreams did he think he would be doing what he is doing now, yet it is all part of his calling,(just what I reckon Anthony wink )


I guess thats just the mystery about God, maybe as we walk on our journeys wondering if this is the journey he wants us on, we find that we are exactly in the right place and he is actually leading us through it all, even the bits that we side step and side track on, it seems everything we go through and come through has relevance, I know many things Im sure we may experience, he crys that we had to have it happen but he can turn anything into something good if we just hang in their, nothing is a waste, I just wish I understood it better to help the people that need it most, right when they are in the midst of it all ( .



gymgirl
 
Joined in 2007
November 19, 2007, 15:41

Thanks for that Magsdee…..sometimes I have wondered if I could continue living (being gay), but remembering that God loves me (I believe) – dispite the rejection and disparagement from church people – keeps me going.


Sometimes I’ve spent times with God praying & asking him that if it is wrong that i’m gay, then change me – as I can’t. One night I cried out to God in dispair with feelings of rejection from friends who turned away from me – when they found out I was a lesbian, and I wanted answers.


This one night – I felt God speak to me & he said that it didn’t matter the fact that I’m gay – but rather – what matters to him – is in living my life (who I am) – that I’m not double-minded. That made sence to me & I felt the impression in my heart, of famous sports people and the like….you can be successful, you can be many things & have many gifts (its who you are)…that doesn’t matter….what matters – is how much you love God & in the centre of your heart, if your focus & love is him – then who is another to judge.


I sometimes write articles and opinions for our gay community in New Zealand and I feel such a passion to advocate for gay rights in the legal front of same-sex marriages being legally recognised in New Zealand. I love writing, so I’m starting to write a book in the new year….see how we go!!!!!….Its funny God’s calling for our lives….I would have never guessed that I would be where I am today re-building my life, – but I think that its in our times of brokenless and loss, that God can really use us more……as…when I sat in church, I easily judged others from my christian bubble – now I see the world differently & I love from a position of really knowing what the definition of that word means – it took brokenness for that to be so.


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