Gay Identity What is it? Do I need it?

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Joined in 2008
October 4, 2009, 23:30

Haha, when I first saw this thread I thought it was an invitation to a conference, so I ignored the thread. Don’t ask me how I thought that though. Let me see… I’d like to go through and answer all of those questions, but I don’t have time at the moment…. instead I will throw in a few thoughts just to get my hat in the ring.

Recently, one of my best friends (not Spur… it’s another straight guy friend of mine who I haven’t talked about on here, but I will eventually…) told me that he knew I was gay from the first time he met me, and you know what? I was actually happy about that. And it kind of surprised me. I had prided myself on being gay, but not being OBVIOUSLY gay… whatever that means. I wanted people to be shocked when I revealed I was gay, so that they would then think to themselves, “Hmm, I guess if he’s gay, those gay stereotypes must really not be true,” and in doing so, I’d be making the world a more thoughtful place. And yet… here was this guy who was telling me that he knew, from the first time I opened my mouth, that I was gay… and when he told me that, I felt so proud of myself. I have no idea why. Like I said, the feeling surprised me. On the other side of that coin, I have had an experience where I came out to someone who was shocked (and lots of people I have met have not instantly assumed I’m gay, so it’s probably a gaydar thing). But when that happened, I felt almost apologetic in a way… I know I didn’t feel accomplished like I did when my friend told me he knew instantly that I was gay. So I have no real idea what any of this means long-term… I’m only 17… but… eh… all I know is that felt really good to have someone tell me they knew I was gay. I hope that this is somehow relevant to the topic…. and it probably to longer for me to type all that out than it would’ve taken for me to answer all of the questions in the topic post. Oh well. 😛

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
October 5, 2009, 09:59

For me…..its really important to totally embrace my gay identity. It is a high priority in my life……possibly you see why. I work in this area of creating change.

But even before that it was important to identify as gay. that was because the majority of my life had been consumed with hating, suppressing and even trying to kill my gay self…….that when I accepted it I didn’t want to hide any more. this is who I am. I am not heterosexual. I am gay. Proud of who I am. No shame, No guilt. No fear. Loving who I am and loving my tribe.

I don’t like it when heterosexuals flaunt their sexuality…….like every day….hehe.

Joined in 2007
October 6, 2009, 08:07

Gay is a manner of understanding the define moment of where one person stands. When taking the mask off your face. To try and define the matter of being true to yourself. To find the secret key of open clear hope.

All gay people feel like they need a sense and yearning of being understood. Meaning are we the misunderstood human race clan.

I only wonder. Thankyou for insight.


Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
October 6, 2009, 13:47

I think we all need to ask ourselves the question…..what meanings do I attach to the word gay. This will influence whether we embrace our gay identity or not.

For many years I rejected my gay identity because I only had negative thoughts about what it meant. There was no other model I was aware of. All I ever heard about gay people was negative.

what do you think?

Joined in 2009
October 6, 2009, 14:14

I think the question of Gay Identity falls under the notion of self-Identity. The most important aspect is to know who yourself are, no matter what kind of Gay Identity you adopt, if you don’t know what your self-identity is, then it will turn into an identity crisis. So I think having Self-Identity is the more important than having a Gay Identity, because Gay Identity is so diverse, there is no one define notion of a Gay Identity.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
October 6, 2009, 21:51

is your gay identity a part of your self identity?

Joined in 2008
October 6, 2009, 23:13

I have a question. Why do so many people talk about the act of embracing the gay part of themselves like it’s something we need to diminish as much as possible? Because really, think about it, it’s a big deal. Think about where we as gay people came from in our history, a place of utter rejection… now we are gaining acceptance, but what we are doing with that? We are trying to camouflage ourselves as much as possible, trying to make ourselves be as similar to everyone else as we possibly can. Why? The GLBT heroes of the past didn’t fight for equality so that we could just say, well, I’m gay, but it doesn’t really matter at all. Because you see, being gay in a world like ours DOES matter, because it marks you as different in a world that is trying its hardest to make everyone the same. By being you, you automatically screw up the world’s system. Through your life, you have the opportunity to teach the world lessons of acceptance, love, and dignity. That is not some minor thing… nor is it something bad. Now, I’m not at all saying gay people are radically different from straight people. I fully acknowledge that gay people and straight people are more similar than different. However, gay people and straight people are not identical, and we are going down the wrong route if that is the message we are trying to tell everyone. We are different, but these differences should be embraced instead of swept under the rug. And indeed, when we do that, what are we saying to the world? More times than not, it’s that the “straight” way of doing things is better than the “gay” way of doing things. Usually, gay people are quick to point out how similar they are to straight people as if the more similar they are to a straight person, the better the gay person becomes. Why? Why can we not be accepted ON OUR OWN MERITS? Why must me prove to others that we are like the majority before we can deem ourselves acceptable?

As for me, I view being gay a part of my identity. And yes it is important. And yes it is not my entire identity. It does not define me, but if I was not gay, I assure you, I would not be the person I am today. I’m not perfect, but I have learned to love myself. And part of loving me includes loving the gay part of me.

*breathes in*

*breathes out*

Phew, glad I got that off my chest. 🙂

*steps off soap-box*

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
October 7, 2009, 00:34

LMAO……i’ll respond tomorrow…have to go to bed

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
October 7, 2009, 11:48

I relate to a lot of what you say gettingthere. …which is quite wierd considering there is 40 years between us…..:lol: 😆 😆

I think also by embracing our gay identity then we de-construct many of the myths and stereoptypes that exist about gay and lesbian people.

Maybe we need to begin here by defining what we all mean by gay identity…..then we know whether it worth embracing or if it is relevant to our lives.

So what does gay identity mean to you? Define it.

Joined in 2009
October 7, 2009, 22:00

… here was this guy who was telling me that he knew, from the first time I opened my mouth, that I was gay… and when he told me that, I felt so proud of myself. 😛

Maybe you were so proud, pleased, happy because even though he recognised that you were gay he accepted you just as you were- without knowing anything else about you that might have led him to say ‘well he’s a really good mate, even if he is gay’.

There’s nothing like complete acceptance- just as we are.


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