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How I have come to accept myself (and the journey just begins)

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Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
January 2, 2011, 12:55

Hi Mr Summit


Everything seems to be unfolding very well. It’s fantastic, isn’t it?


Congrats again!


Hi gettingthere


It’s great to have you with us again. Mr Summit’s story and thread is well worth the read so enjoy!


Blessings,


Ann Maree

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
January 2, 2011, 18:28

Hello Mr. Summit,


I don’t know if you know me, but I’m gettingthere, I’m 18, and I’m Canadian. Sorry for being totally nowhere during your entire story, I have been so caught up in other things that I wasn’t paying much attention to this community the last few months. Unfortunate for me, since I missed out on all these awesome developments! Darn! I’m working on reading through your thread and from what I’ve seen so far, your story is just AMAZING. So proud of you and so delighted to hear all the great things going on. All the best! Hope we can communicate more.


did you see your mention in the report



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
January 2, 2011, 18:30

Mr Summit…..I really believe that if we do this right…..we so minimize negative reactions.


BTW……should you get one…..and there is bound to be one or two……just remember that their reaction is not actually about you…..it is that persons issue…..you have resolved yours.



gettingthere
 
Joined in 2008
January 2, 2011, 19:28

Hello Mr. Summit,


I don’t know if you know me, but I’m gettingthere, I’m 18, and I’m Canadian. Sorry for being totally nowhere during your entire story, I have been so caught up in other things that I wasn’t paying much attention to this community the last few months. Unfortunate for me, since I missed out on all these awesome developments! Darn! I’m working on reading through your thread and from what I’ve seen so far, your story is just AMAZING. So proud of you and so delighted to hear all the great things going on. All the best! Hope we can communicate more.


did you see your mention in the report


No, avb, must not have. What report is this?

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
January 2, 2011, 19:49

Hi gettingthere


avb is referring to the 2010 f2b AGM report recently posted in the discussion section.


Here’s the link: http://www.freedom2b.org/topic/1247


Blessings,


Ann Maree

greengoose
 
Joined in 2010
January 4, 2011, 17:23

Hi Mr Summit, was great meeting you last year 🙂


Congratulations! You handled the situation brilliantly. I’m very happy for you. Now you can start the year afresh as a whole new person. Some people can indeed surprise with their open mindedness, glad to hear your parents are among them.

Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
January 4, 2011, 22:57

The gym is proving a nice way of working off my feelings.


My parents are going through the motions. First it was grief (for what I went through, that I’ll never be a dad, etc). Now it is guilt (that they caused it). I think they’d very much prefer I was straight and they talk about my being gay like a disorder. They can’t see anything positive about me being gay. It’s a little depressing. I just want to shout “It’s not a disorder!!” But they are still very loving and accepting and I know they’ll go through different phases until arriving at a positive attitude sometime down the track. I’m very lucky. 🙂


As for me, I have suddenly finding myself thirsty for knowledge on all things gay. Before I had been single-mindedly concerned about 2 things: if homosexuality was a sin, and coming out. Now I want to know everything about building meaningful relationships, finding my place in the LGBT community, and even safe sex. It’s like I am already moving on to what’s next. I just found myself browsing books at amazon without even thinking of it. I’ve had a couple of bad experiences recently which might be driving this (I feel a little like the nieve Christian boy that I am, lol).


On Thursday I am changing my Facebook “interested in” to men and posting a note with my story in it. I’ve tightened up my privacy settings there pretty tightly. Whilst I will be out publicly, I’m still not at the point where I am ready for people to learn that stuff by googling my name. I guess I won’t have much control over that though (except my name is extremely popular). I won’t be telling any one at work as it is none of their business, but I won’t be hiding it either.

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
January 5, 2011, 01:00

Your parents will go through a similar process to the one you have gone through Mr Summit


THE PROCESS OF RESOLUTION

Let me take you through the process that I went through. Its not the same for everyone but like Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ process of grieving, most people pass through each stage at some time no matter how briefly. Problems develop when people become stuck in one place and can’t move on.


1. Denial (I’m not gay, I was drunk, I’m bisexual, I was just horny, it’s just a stage, I was just experimenting, its just a phase).

2. Rejection (I can change it, I can overcome it)

3. Suppression (I can control it, monitor it, it’s my secret, no one need know)

4. Hatred (this thing is too strong for me, I hate my gayness, therefore I hate myself)

5. Acceptance (Healthy & unhealthy). It’s wonderful that so many young people today are coming out and accepting their homosexuality. There is also a group, like I was for years, who have accepted their sexuality but only reluctantly. They would prefer to be heterosexual and as long as that remains in their thinking, they can never fully embrace their true selves and enjoy the sense of freedom that brings. They exist with a subconscious belief that life is unfair, they still live with a sense of shame and some believe they will inevitably go to hell because they gave in to their homosexuality.

6. Celebration (I love being gay). This is the beginning of living a life of authenticity and congruence. The person who celebrates and embraces their sexuality lives a powerful life that transforms those around them because no one can deny what you have………a wholesome and profound love of self.

RaulG
 
Joined in 2010
January 5, 2011, 07:42

Querido Summit,


Your parents are undergoing a perfectly natural psychological readjustment period. Remember that our brains need some time to adapt to new situations and new dynamics. So it is with your parents.


As for relationships/safe sex, I highly recommend “Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work” by McKay, Fanning, and Paleg. Remember sex is a distant third in the list of the most important things in a relationship.


Remember: condoms are NOT just an option, they are a requirement. I cannot stress this enough: put your foot down and insist on safety. If he doesn’t respect that, than chances are he doesn’t respect you.


Yours in Christ,


RaulG



Boi70
 
Joined in 2007
January 5, 2011, 17:00

I can so relate to where you are at ‘Mr Summit’ and also to the points that Anthony made about his journey. Like he said, the journey can be a bit different for each of us. I can also relate to the frustration with your family. My mother took awhile to come to terms with me being gay, too.


It is amazing how our focus changes from it being about ‘coming out’ to ourselves, our family, our friends, and to the World in general.


It can be about exploring all the possibilities. I know this was very much what it was like for me; and I had ups and downs on this journey. I learnt about the LGBT world and the variety of people and experiences available, the different types of relationships that some people want and most importantly I learnt about myself, and how I fit into all this. 🙂


Sometimes, it is a little like shopping. You can walk down a shopping aisle and see lots of things stacked on the shelves. You don’t necessarily put everything on the shelves into your trolley. And sometimes you put things into your trolley that you like, and sometimes, you decide that you don’t want that product in your trolley again. :bigsmile:


I found even through the ups and downs, God was keeping me safe. He helped me, as I have had various relationships that did or didn’t work out, and I have had some great friends to encourage me along the way. 🙂


And along the road, it is also important to be safe. Amongst all the tempations, it is important to make educated decisions. I learnt heaps by reading up on medical information about STDs either through the various pamphlets available or through some websites.


Anyway, have fun and play safe, my friend. I can’t wait to hear more from you about how things are going.
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