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Justme 40, Trying to make sense of things!

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Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
August 16, 2010, 22:24

It’s actually one of the more common responses I get when I discuss my journey on my blog. Some Christians do the whole clobber passage thing, but not as many as used to, but more often now, I am getting questions about why I thought divorce was the best solution. It’s quite strange, actually.


I’ve even asked some of them whether they think that God would expect me to live a lie, or live unhappily to which they only seem to come back with the old “Well, what do you believe the Bible says about sex outside of marriage?” line.


It’s puzzling. I think that if that’s the God they believe in then that God is cruel and unloving too. It leaves me at a loss for how to respond and I usually end the discussion there, since I *would* be married, if I *could* to the woman I love.


:~



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
August 17, 2010, 01:17

Hi avb


It sounds like they were perhaps not open to the idea of divorce for hetero couples either??


If that’s the case, they sound pretty old fashioned and closed minded as well.


Blessings,


Ann Maree


yep….it was all about divorce



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
August 17, 2010, 01:19

It’s actually one of the more common responses I get when I discuss my journey on my blog. Some Christians do the whole clobber passage thing, but not as many as used to, but more often now, I am getting questions about why I thought divorce was the best solution. It’s quite strange, actually.


I’ve even asked some of them whether they think that God would expect me to live a lie, or live unhappily to which they only seem to come back with the old “Well, what do you believe the Bible says about sex outside of marriage?” line.


It’s puzzling. I think that if that’s the God they believe in then that God is cruel and unloving too. It leaves me at a loss for how to respond and I usually end the discussion there, since I *would* be married, if I *could* to the woman I love.


:~


I find it a fascinating mindset.


Of course this mindset has pressured some woman to live in abusive, dysfunctional relationships for years.


Law…..not love…..methinks



Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
August 17, 2010, 02:11


I find it a fascinating mindset.


Of course this mindset has pressured some woman to live in abusive, dysfunctional relationships for years.


Yes, I was one of those women.


Law…..not love…..methinks


I agree.



RaulG
 
Joined in 2010
August 17, 2010, 10:05

I was speaking at a bible college in Melbourne recently……and interestingly enough the questions that came at the end were not really about bible verses etc…….most wanted to know how I felt about the promises I’d made and covenant with God in marriage.



Mark 2:3-28:



” 23One Sabbath Jesus was going through the grainfields, and as his disciples walked along, they began to pick some heads of grain. 24The Pharisees said to him, “Look, why are they doing what is unlawful on the Sabbath?”


25He answered, “Have you never read what David did when he and his companions were hungry and in need? 26In the days of Abiathar the high priest, he entered the house of God and ate the consecrated bread, which is lawful only for priests to eat. And he also gave some to his companions.”


27Then he said to them, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. 28So the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath.”


I think the case you brought up, Mr. Brown, is of people reaching for the letter of the law and not the spirit.


Divorce is still bad news, but living a lie is much more so. You made the best of a bad situation.


Yours in Christ,


Raul



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
August 17, 2010, 10:06

I’m astounded that the issue of divorce still exists in that way, and in bible college!


I would have gone mad, killed D or myself if we’d stayed married! And I didn’t want to end up hating him. I didn’t think God wanted that so chose divorce as the lesser of 2 evils. I’m so glad we did that and were able to remain amicable and respectful. I mean, we made a mistake getting married in the first place (although in some ways, there are no mistakes since we learn so much from them. And we don’t know things until we know them). We tried to fix the issues but they were unfixable. So the choice was to be less than we were and stay in the marriage, which was killing both of us, or get out. Emotionally and in every way, we were given new lives when we exited that relationship.


When I did my unit of bible college, my final essay was arguing for divorce as permissable. I went in with an enquiring mind, looking at all scriptures on the subject, never suspecting that I would one day be faced with that very situation. I was surprised at what I found and greatly blessed. I’m so glad I chose that topic. The grace I discovered saved me for when l later went through that terrible time of divorce. I received a high mark for the essay and the overall subject too. In contrast to what you encountered at the college, avb, my experience was positive and mindsets were open minded. The teacher was interested in how we applied scripture rather than our actual views.


The overall principle has to be about love, both for ourselves as well as a spouse and others. And if that can’t be achieved in marriage and all reasonable strategies have been tried and ineffective, it’s up to the persons involved to decide if divorce is an option. It’s not for anyone else to judge. What Christians and others with closed minds don’t realise is that they may be putting a noose around someone’s neck by judging and condemning people to a life of misery and/or eternal damnation. Life is hard enough. Why would they make it harder? I recall considering suicide and saying to my husband, that if it wasn’t for that essay and our strength of minds and characters, it might have been an option. I considered it because I thought it might be an escape from the anguish and judgment we faced. It was almost unbearable. Thank God I didn’t go down that route though. What a waste that would have been. And for what – some outdated Christian judgments?


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
August 17, 2010, 11:32

Ann Maree,


I am fairly certain that had I stayed in my marriage, I would be dead by now. Either by suicide or illness. The relationship was toxic, it was slowly draining me of my will to live. I seriously do not believe God wanted me to stay there.


All the advice I had from friends at the time was to get out, that God didn’t condemn anyone to live with abuse or to stay in a situation that was endangering them.


This swing back towards law over grace is worrying in the extreme.



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
August 17, 2010, 17:31

I hear you Meg. I don’t believe that a sane and loving God/person would want you to live in an abusive situation.


I’m glad you had good advice around you.


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
August 18, 2010, 16:23

I think we honestly make promises with the awareness that we have at that time and genuinely mean to keep them…..but there comes a time when we have new knowledge or awareness realising that to maintain those few words is unhealthy personally or for all concerned.


To ask people to uphold the promise is cruel.



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
August 18, 2010, 18:09

I agree avb. It’s not only cruel but unrealistic. Who we are today is not the same as then. And sometimes those changes are about uncovering more of who we are (as in the case of suddenly realising one’s true sexuality is not the heteronormative one we were conditioned with). So in order to be our true selves, it’s realistic to consider the option of leaving a heterosexual relationship behind.


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