Hi Simon,

Welcome to freedom2b. I am SO happy that you made the decision to join the forums and share your story. I am confident that you are already an encouragement to many others on this site and those not yet ready to share their stories.

I relate to so much of your story and I too feel the anger at the church inside of me…sometimes it's strong and other times it's weak. I think this will get easier as I remember that even the church needs forgiveness and love.

What you said really resonated with me:

I don't think it was just a coincidence that I watched that video ages ago at a time of desperation and then to find myself here today, i believe God lead me here, to this website, to find people who believe the same things i do.

I don't believe in coincidences. I believe that things like this happen for a reason. A similar thing happened to me when I first found freedom2b. I followed that guidance, trusted God and never really looked back.

Wherever you are at on your journey, freedom2b is a safe place for you to discuss things and meet with people who are like you. You are not alone and we welcome you with open arms! 🙂

I hope you find this site a place of healing and restoration…whatever your future path may look like.

Ben

I am really pleased you found Freedom 2b and it is great to have you here.

It would be good if you could make friends with other guys just like you. Freedom 2b meetings are a great way of doing that, if you were able to get along to them. You will be accepted just as you are and people will not judge you. That is just so good.

I can definitely relate to how you feel about the church. Separate from all that, at some point you may feel you would like to try to work on reconciling your faith in God and your God given sexuality. Many of us here have been able to do that. It is absolutely fine to be gay and Christian. Take your time. There is no rush. But for me it really helped to accept myself just as I am.

Remember no matter what happens, no matter what anyone says, God loves you just as you are.

Hi Simon

You said:

There is one problem i am dealing with at the moment tho, now that im out to my mum and grandma i have been feeling really nervous, guilty, embarrassed and scared… is this normal? Its like, now that other people know im gay its "set in stone", there's no going back from here and that's scary, it makes it so much more real.

Yes this is totally normal. Coming out happens in stages. Contrary to what we may think, it isn't just one event. It's usual to have doubts after making any major disclosure or decision and you can feel vulnerable and unsure of how others will respond and how that will make you feel. This insecurity won't last forever. It does get better.

I posted a Christmas photo up on my facebook profile last night and one of my high-school friends who i haven't talked to in years posted a comment asking "are you gay?". It surprised me… and now im panicking again… i felt so comfortable with my sexuality and now this guy i use to be good friends with and go to church with is asking me out of the blue if i am gay… a part of me wants to lie and say "No im straight!"…. i want to run back in the closest all over again… this guy drove me to church and was allways there for me… i don't know how to reply to the comment…

You might want to consider a couple of things before replying. First of all, how close are you to this person and does he have to know you're gay? And remember: just because you're out to family or others, doesn't mean you have to be out to everyone. Secondly, how do you imagine he's likely to respond? Anthony Venn-Brown, founder of this site, has suggested we rank others from high to low risk in terms of their likeliness to reject homosexuality. To discern this, we can observe the way the other responds to gay people, and if accepting, he would be deemed as low risk. However, if he makes homophobic comments, he would be high risk. (Obviously this is a simplistic example to make my point and there would be other factors to consider as welI). I agree with Anthony's recommendation that we come out to low risk people first of all while also considering if we need and want to come out to that person. So what will the benefits be from your disclosure? By coming out to low risk people, you build your confidence and support network. This makes it easier to cope with negative reactions if they come from other more high risk people later on.

I wish you well, Simon. You're very brave.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

looks like were we both writing at the same time Ann Maree…..hehe.

Quote from avennbrown on December 18, 2011, 6:55 pm

I think two things are happening for you Simon.

the first thing is that you are losing control of who knows…..even if we swear people to secrecy some will talk….some wont be able to help themselves….so your concerns are normal. The only way to really counteract this now is to make sure you tell as many people as you want to asap …….but only if you want. This way they get the information from you in the way you want it to come across.

Really great point Anthony. It's a shame your mother didn't keep things to herself, you have mentioned she has mental health issues so maybe she didn't fully understand your request. In light of what Anthony has said, it might be a good idea to speak to your grandma as soon as you can. I think you really need this for yourself. You have said how important she is to you. Good for both of to you connect with her, let her know you are still the grandson who loves her and nothing has changed between the two of you. Take control back of the situation.

I think feeling like you are in control of who you tell and telling in the timing you want is really important. You can take control back, as Anthony has said.

In regards to FB, one of the things my son did before he came out to his FB friends is he culled his list of friends, also separating them into different groups, those he was happy to share everything with and those only some information. Like you he had FB friends from school that he hadn't see or had any contact with for sometime. He had a small group of people he considered good friends and he came out to them only. with the friend you mentioned on FB that asked you if you were gay, just because someone asks doesn't mean you have to answer. You are entitled to privacy and entitled not to have to answer that in such a public way in front of other FB friends. Can't you delete his comment? If you feel the need to answer him, maybe you could answer him one on one and not on FB where other's can see. Fobbing off is always a good way of answering questions you don't want to.

It's good that Anthony and Ann Marie have let you know that what you are feeling is normal, helps brings some feeling of normalization for you.

As Ann has said you are very brave and doing really well. Keep in contact on the site, it will be a great deal of strength and support for you.

God bless