Hello to the Freedom2B community!
I have been on your mailing list for quite some time but have not
written to you as yet. i have just joined the group!
Bizarre the story doth go! I will try to keep it brief!
I came out to my family in 1986. Struggled with my sexuality from a
young age. I was 19 years old when I came out the first time.
Went into nursing in 1988 during my training became involved with another nurse who was brought up in a pentecostal family (AOG).
She witnessed to me in our r/ship- took me to church, and the sermon preached was on “Hell” “Are you ready to meet your maker etc!” Fear gripped me and I got saved.
The r/ship ended within 2 years, I battled with God and my sexuality in this time, and finally gave in to God, comitted myself fully, got baptised a in 1990, burnt all my the bridges of the past and off I went. But the battle did not end there!
I ended up going to a Potters House church (under christian fellowship ministeries) for the next 13 years. In that time:-
-Got married in 1994 (husband left the church 1 and half years after we married (major disappointment to me)
– had 2 children now 7 yo and 9 yo boys
Left the potters house in 2003 as I did not like how judgemental I was becoming and for other reasons and joined an AOG church.
In 2006 seperated from my husband for reasons that went beyond my own control.
During my entire christian walk (18 years to date) I have constantly struggled with my sexuality. But kept on believing God for complete deliverance or resigned myself to the fact that this was my ‘cross to bear’ or the ‘thorn in my side’.
I was faithful to my hubby my whole marriage, but fell a few time before I married. My hubby knew about my past when we got married. But I felt like I was beating this thing and wanted to marry.
This is the interesting part!.
Since I found out about my hubby liaisons (on the computer-Email) I kept going to church for a while until my best freind of 14 years confessed how she had fallen in love with me. I meet her in the potters House, she to experienced a very ordinary marriage in the church. Even though she had left the potters house a couple of years before me we remained good friends.
We have been together for 8 mont. She is my true soul mate, I do feel so blessed!
We are not going to any church at the moment. But do plan to.
I am still in a great battle with the whole thing. Guilt tries to override my new found happiness. I am secretly thinking i am going to hell, but how can I go back to living a lie, and I have never felt so loved as I do now. Awesome! So its on the back shelf at the moment!
michelle and I are coming to Sydney to be part of the Madi Gras, boy how things have changed for me in such a short time!
Looks hopeful that a Freedom group will be starting up in Melbourne. I have so much to share and I do need help to resume my christian journey!
Where to go from here I dont know. My partner michelle and I are just about out to every one even my hubby!
What a year it has been.
I do feel like God has answered my prayer. I used to cry praying “God I just want to have a soul mate, who loves me, and who I can freely love back, with all my heart and soul.
Now its getting over being “A true gay woman” as someone once told me, which I rebuked at the time Ha! Ha! and being a christian.
How does that work and after 18 years of trying to conform and change in a VERY legalistic church, boy its a new journey all together!
Hope to get to know some of you better