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melver14
 
Joined in 2013
October 31, 2013, 02:46

Hi I need some advice, I have been a closet swinger since I was thirteen years old. I have two children who are from failed hetrosexual relationships. The advice that I need is that when I tell some people that I have children they always ask if I am bi and I am getting annoyed by this question, so how can I learn to stay calm when people do this assumption about me.

Audrey



Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
October 31, 2013, 15:09

Hi Audrey,


Great question 🙂 sorry I can't answer that question for you but I think it's a great question. I'm sure other's on this forum will be able to tell you what they have done in your situation.


All the best 🙂



sarab
 
Joined in 2011
October 31, 2013, 20:49

Hi Audrey,

I am not sure that labels are overly helpful. if people wish to ask you questions about your sexuality with their own preconceived ideas about it because you have children – then I guess you have some choices. You could either just simply "set the record straight" and tell them where you sit. Or, you can just let it wash over you – you don't owe anyone an explanation or information. It's up to you to disclose what you want to who you want. Really, there are many gay and lesbian people with children – my sister is one for example! She would now clearly identify as lesbian – but clearly (with a child) there was a time she was also into men. Sexuality is far more fluid than most think – I am not sure that "either/or" constructs are very helpful. So, in short I would ask – what is it that upsets me so much about the assumption that I might be bi? Why does that bother me? How might I think about responding in future if people make the same assumption?


Hope this helps a little

Sarab



jamesn
 
Joined in 2009
November 2, 2013, 21:03

may be distance yourself from the situation, expect it is a question that will be asked and rehearse an answer. I know lots of LGBT people who see children as a blessing and would love to be involved with someone who has children. Perhaps see it as a positive blessing, not a negative. We can't change who we have been, but we can change who we will become.



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
November 4, 2013, 21:20

Hi Audrey

I don't understand why others would assume you are bi because you have 2 children. As others have said, there are many gay people with children, and single people for that matter as well whose sexuality doesn't come into it. Maybe you could ask them why they make that assumption? And then as Sarab has said, perhaps consider why it bothers you so much.

Blessings,

Ann Maree



Al
 
Joined in 2013
November 6, 2013, 22:10

I kind of get where she is coming from aswell. until recently i thought i was "straight" and attracted to girls which isnt the case, but experience this year has told me that you should always be open with who you are shouldnt let other people judge you on life style ideas, at the end of the day your only accountable to God and your always gonna be wrapped up his love. I guess that is what ive learnt and what ive had to get my head around this year.


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