Hi sarab

Congratulations on your successful coming out to your friend. Sounds like it went very well. How do you feel as a result? 🙂

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi all,

Just thought I'd give a little update.

Ann Maree – you asked how I feel about coming out to a Christian friend.

I found it a bit difficult to tell her – but was clear on the fact that I wanted to. I felt that if I do decide to continue going to this Bible study that I needed an ally – someone who would know where I was coming from and that I could talk with should things get challenging or difficult in the group. She works in a field where there is a lot of diversity – so I knew she'd be OK with what I had to share. She was very unfazed and perhaps had begun to piece things together anyway. I feel that my decision was the right one and I am glad to have shared this with her.

As for other things that are helping me continue forward…

I am trying at the moment to focus a little less on sexuality – and all that this process of coming out to myself has entailed and what it means. Rather, I am trying to focus on what it means to know a loving God. (This came through a discussion I had with someone with whom I have shared my journey, is also Christian and gay). I think this is a wise path for me at the moment. I shared a little on Princess Fiona's thread that I have been talking to myself about "walking gently towards God". I – like Princess Fiona, can relate to feeling distant from God – disconnected. I aim to make it a priority to figure out again who God is to me. Today I even thought a little about Mother God – rather than Father God – I tried to picture a nurturing sheltering supportive Mother. I am also reminding myself that we are created in the image of God. I am putting a bit more quiet in my life. Switching off music, computers (!!), TV… and just trying to spend a few moments just "being".

I haven't written my letter to my friend yet about the judgemental "liberty minstries" book she sent…. I have though been composing it in my mind.

I have been to the Christmas party of the new church. I have had my last day at my old church. This was quite symbolic – leaving the old behind and moving forward to a new Year and a new chapter. I have been reminded also (thanks Ann Maree!) of staying in the moment – giving thanks for the present and recognising that growth and learning is happening now – and that happiness and fulfilment can be now – even in the midst of unresolved stuff. The "end point" may actually be an illusion. I don't mean by this that "happiness never comes". I guess though I just want to keep in mind that being content in the present moment will ultimately be a more positive path to where the future might lead me.

Does that make sense?

Don't get me wrong – I am still as screwed up as ever 🙂 🙂 – I have my absolute spin out moments… I have moments of catastrophising and moments where I wonder whether I can ever meet anyone…. I fear coming out to family… I go over old ground about coming out – when? how? etc. – I have times of anxiety about God…. So all in all I am a mixture of things – just trying to figure it out – as well as living a life day to day!

– well that pretty much sums up the Sarab update. 🙂

xxx 🙂

Hi Sarab

Thanks again for your comments to me, your are an inspiration. We may not have it all worked out, but are well on the way. 🙂

Wasnt sure if you were joking with your "still screwed up as ever" comment, cause you sure don't seem that to me when I read your postings. Your a wise, intelligent woman!!!!!!

Walks off to bed with a smile on my face tonight, thanks to your encouragement and words of wisdom.

Hugs

Hi all,

today I finsihed writing a letter to my friend. This is the friend who sent me a book "what we once were" – a fairly damaging anti gay book which pointed people towards ex gay ministries.

I thought I would share a little of what I wrote…

"Dear xxx,

It is never easy to raise a difficult or sensitive issue with a friend. I appreciate that it was perhaps difficult for you to let me know that you had "pieced things together" with where I am at. Thank you for your care and concern and for thinking to send me the book………. As you are aware I decided to see a counsellor this year to sort out how it is that I have been on my own for all my life. It has been at times a painful and challenging process, yet ultimately positive as I have come to realize and accept that it would not be a man I would choose to partner with and that I would like to see myself partnering with a woman in the future…..

…… I appreciate that you and I will see things differently on this issue. I have been a Christian and moved in Christian circles long enough to have heard every debate and every Bible verse used to state a case against same sex relationships. So, if it is not too much to ask – could I ask that you and I don't go down the route of "debate" on this? After all, we won't be covering new ground for me. I have heard it all before. The book you sent, while I know with much love and best intentions – is very much at odds with my understanding and beliefs. I have never in the past, nor do I now, see being gay as something people need to be "healed" of. There is not a part of me that could ever condone "ex gay ministries" I have read too many stories of the damage such ministries do to people's lives. Rest assured…… My faith is strong…. the church I am going to preaches Christ crucified and resurrected… a doctrine of grace, and just like all other churches – we have celebrated Advent – the coming of Christ in recent weeks. It is also a church that is affirming of same sex relationships. If anything, I think God has brought me to this new point and new church – & has given me a gift……. I am hopeful that this journey for me doesn't become "the elephant in the room" in our friendship. I don't yet know where I will end up – but it is important for me to act with a certain amount of integrity towards myself and within my friendships – hence the need for me to write this letter…"

And that's pretty much where I ended my letter…

I thought fb 2ers I would share this as it may help others and also as a way of saying thank you to those on this site who have made it possible for me to even write such a letter. Mother Hen – I had your words about "just being honest" with me as I wrote… and Ann Maree your encouragement about acting with integrity – being kind to oneself – setting boundaries etc – all of this has helped. Even those of you who have given me a little "wow"! or "WTG" every now and then – it's all given me courage and strength.

Thanks

Sarab xx

hey thanks so much mother hen – and yes I have indeed ended my letter saying "I hope you'll appreciate that I wanted to be open with you as I do value our friendship – You are an important part of my life".

As for the title of my original post… hmm – still a work in progress but thanks for the encouragement!!

sarab 🙂 xx