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outed, rejected, but moving forward

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Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
June 16, 2009, 14:25

Hi Ian,


Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I’m blessed and encouraged every time I read a new story from someone here on the forums. It’s always amazing to see how God has worked through the situations with others.


I pray that in his perfect timing all will be resolved and you will get your heart’s desires.



peter aylmore
 
Joined in 2009
November 12, 2009, 18:36

Thank you Ian for sharing your life with others and myself.

I thank you for the reminder:

“just as I am without one plea,

…I come”

I asked God why he had “left me”, but Jesus gave me an answer and said that I left Him, it has taken me awhile to come back to Him. Your story gives me Hope.

Peter from Perth.



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
November 12, 2009, 20:55

Hi Ian


I was really touched by your story. Your faith and relationship with God is beautiful and inspiring to me. Thank you.


Ann Maree



davidt
 
Joined in 2009
November 13, 2009, 22:17

Hi Ian


I can relate to how you feel very much. What you said has helped me. I haven’t come out and probably never will given my situation.


Your reference to “Just as I am” was good. I had never honestly thought of it that way. I appreciated that. The verse that resonates with me is


Just as I am – though tossed about

With many a conflict, many a doubt,

Fightings and fears within, without,

O Lamb of God, I come.


but then I love this one


Just as I am – Thy love unknown

Has broken every barrier down;

Now to be Thine, yea, Thine alone,

O Lamb of God, I come


May the Lord continue to be very real to you each day and I will pray the Lord will open up the way for you to reconnect with your children.


Many thanks for sharing



IanJ
 
Joined in 2009
November 14, 2009, 20:59

Thanks for your encouragement Ann Maree and David,


You make it sound like I was preaching— sorry about that.


But God DID use those words ‘Just as I am’- they are on Ben Gresham’s blog. And they kept speaking to me- until the message got through.


I quoted the hymn because I thought that there would be some who didn’t know it.


God uses those words that we have hid in our hearts- and speaks to us through them.



IanJ
 
Joined in 2009
January 14, 2010, 21:46

I received a short text message from one of my kids at Christmas, in response to a message I sent him. And I received an email from another son, with a birthday request. I was so thrilled to receive these small messages.


I’ve recently written to my ex-wife. Amongst other things, I’ve written:


The past 18 months have not been all plain sailing for me. I am now coming to a point where I can feel some level of acceptance of myself, have greater understanding of the past and confidence in the future.

I did not choose to be gay; overwhelming evidence supports this view, and even the Christian organisations that run ‘ex-Gay’ programs or reparative therapy admit that they are unable to change sexual orientation. I have now come to understand that God loves and accepts all of me- even the gay bits.

I now understand the sense of being a failure that has dogged me throughout my life- something that I could never put a finger on, for which I could never identify a cause, or overcome. I spent years denying who I am, not having personal integrity and hiding thoughts, attitudes and behaviours. I continue to discover meaning in past events, that I didn’t understand previously.

In the church, I thought I was alone. I believed wrong things about me- and struggled. I didn’t think it was possible to be Christian and gay- but I have since discovered that there are many Christians who are gay, and Baptist, Salvation Army and Pentecostal Churches that are accepting and affirming.

But that doesn’t lessen the pain that I’ve caused you and the children. And the pain has been greater than it needed to be; I wasn’t prepared to deal with events and I didn’t explain myself well enough to you or the children. You are now left trying to come to grips with all that by yourselves rather than through interaction with me. I didn’t make wise choices; I didn’t see any alternative. I now know gay couples who have children, others who are divorced and maintain good relationships with their children and gay teenagers and early 20s who are out, in mainstream churches and all of these people indistinguishable from any people that you might meet in church or a home group. I’ve met their children and their parents and see how meaningful relationships can be (re)established and maintained.



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
January 15, 2010, 08:12

Hi IanJ


This is really well written. Well done! Let us know how things unfold.


I’m really happy for you that your kids have responded favourably.


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
January 16, 2010, 00:30

well written Ian


Like you I have some regrets about the way I handled things when I left my marriage and family. Unfortunately we can’t turn back the hands of time and do it all again with the benefit of experience. I’m assuming that possilby you were in the same situation I was……I had no one to talk to who really understood.


I now coach gay men and lesbians who are in heterosexual marriages sort things out. Usually with that support and addiitional insights they have much better outcomes.



IanJ
 
Joined in 2009
January 17, 2010, 21:39

Anthony and Annmarie,

Thanks for your encouragement.

The signs of response from my boys have been very tiny- but I am encouraged by it. Still a long way to go.



Like you I have some regrets about the way I handled things when I left my marriage and family. ……I had no one to talk to who really understood.


I didn’t even IMAGINE that there was somewhere I could turn for real, practical help.


Outreaching to a group of closeted Christians must be a “marketing” nightmare- but I feel like that is what is necessary if we are to prevent a whole lot of painful experiences. I don’t want to let others ‘do it the hard way’



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
January 17, 2010, 22:13

I think we have a great challenge eh Ian….to reach those closeted in the churches and also those who have left…..both of these two groups possibly fear contacting us. One will be challenged about thier sexuality which they are trying to suppress and deny……and the other challenged by what they might have done with the previous belief system…..suppressed and denied maybe.


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