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Party party party mentality

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iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
October 25, 2008, 17:57

When I came out this year, I found that there seemed to be this “party party party” mentality that I was pushed to conform to, even though I don’t consider myself a “scene” gay as such …


Has anyone else experienced this pressure to conform to a certain type of stereotypical behaviour when they came out?



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
October 25, 2008, 18:42

I guess when I first came out the first time (I was 19) I “wanted” to party LoL 😆 and to excess (easily out 5 days in a week), for many years on and off 😯 8)


BUT coming out again for the 2nd time, I do know what you mean Mobiguy, come out and party, come get pissed (drunk) lets check out the chicks (for me anyway 😉 ) every weekend offers for such.


Thankfully I couldnt even if I wanted to but I dont want to. Now I have a partner, once every so often if I could I would, dunno maybe 2-3 times a year. Personally tho and my partner being the same, we much prefer dinners or the occassional show or having people over, I think for one I have become a day person, so having lunch somewhere nice in the open is appealing and barbie ‘s.

It could be an age thing or the fact that I have outdone all that in the past, Im not saying Im old LOL and have a greatttttttt time at parties but nightclubs, once or twice a year now is plenty for me. 😉



iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
October 25, 2008, 20:37

Yeah maggie, I guess age would be a factor if you came out at a younger age than what I did 8) Don’t really have the inclination now to go out partying all night, but as you say, once in a while is ok 😀



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
October 25, 2008, 21:20

Ohhh yahhhhh gotta get the boogie shoes and twinkle toes out once in a while 😀 😉



iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
October 25, 2008, 22:32

Mmmm … one day I’ll totally surprise AVB by turning up to the Palms nightclub in Oxford St after a f2b meeting 😯 😉



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
October 26, 2008, 17:11

Mmmm … one day I’ll totally surprise AVB by turning up to the Palms nightclub in Oxford St after a f2b meeting 😯 😉


LMAO!


its nice to know though isn’t it mobilegay…..ooops mobliegguy….that at F2B there is no presure to conform or to join us for the entire night…..as we say stay as little or as long as you like…..just make sure you are getting what you need and feel comfortable



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
October 26, 2008, 17:20

BTW…..I think there is a lot of pressure to conform to the party thing. i think that is mostly because of our background.


We are told about this terrible “homosexual lifestyle” that is debauched….people spend their lives in bars and nightclubs doing drugs every weekend and the males having sex with 10 partners each night. ( Read the christian books and they tell you that is what it means to be gay).


So when we come out…..finally……we have no other image of what it means to be gay or lesbian so we often go the most visible expression of the gay community which is found in the gay ghetto. As I call it in my book…the tip of the iceberg……its a subculture.


I spent 5 years in that subculture trying to find what it meant to be living authentically as a gay man. It wasn’t there.


Many at F2B have mentioned how helpful it was to find our alternative that was closer to who they wanted to be.



iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
October 26, 2008, 20:56

just make sure you are getting what you need and feel comfortable


Thanks AVB 8) 😉 Yep, it’s not whether I can dance or not 😛 but knowing that I can/have/will make a positive difference to both myself and others in f2b 😆



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
October 26, 2008, 21:22

This isn’t really about the party mentality but its semi-relevant and Im in a story telling mood so bare with me.


When I was about eleven or twelve Ellen Degeneres was on TV giving some kind of an interview and a family friend says “Oh that Ellen! I don’t know, I think there is something wrong with homosexuals, they all seem to be trouble makers just trying to get attention”.


When I realised I was gay and subsequently came out in the same week (laughably easy by the way, it never really occured to me not to tell people…. oh I was so young!) I was determined to be a trouble maker trying to get attention because thats what homosexuals were. I spent a good part of my early highschool years doing ridiclous things like putting flour on the ceiling fans (so when they spun around it “snowed”), leting down the teachers tires, reading books in class insted of doing work and well a whole lot of other stuff… then it just became habbit. I was suspended at least five times and dad always said he spent more time in the principals office than at work.


It wasn’t until I hit year twelve and grew a brain that I actually knuckled down and did some work. It just goes to show the power that other peoples opinions can have over us.



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
October 27, 2008, 07:56

It just goes to show the power that other peoples opinions can have over us.


Since this can of worms has been opened up 8)

When I first started going out to the city nightclubs (in the late 80’s) and having lesbian/gay friends and joined a lesbian soccer team even 😀 , I was so indoctrinated by my “friends” that men are “just bad, allllll bad with eight arms, one eye in the middle of their forhead and with their brains in their pants” ( 🙄 ) that any show of feminity that I remotely had or show of having male fiends was picked on and so I was made to feel unacceptable as just a “me” lesbian, so I dumped most of my clothes, went into a mens shop and bought mens pants and clothes and even mens shoes from a shoe store (grosby’s 😳 lol) and for the next 3 mths gave men hell and turned up my nose at any feminine lesbian women but then I woke up thankfully and went for something in-between for a few years and on occassion wore mini skirts out and was called a “purse” for doing so or a snob to many lesbians but I didnt care anymore 😛 .


Then when I became a christian I got back in touch with my feminine side and well, Im back to just being me and loveeeeeee wearing something in-between smart casual and just me clothes and make up 8) . Plus I have noticed the “scene” has changed so much and their are much more feminine girls out than 15-20yrs ago and they are not picked on or called pretenders.


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