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Personal Choice and Living the Heterosexual Lifestyle

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Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
July 29, 2009, 12:04

I posted this note on facebook notes……thought it would be relevant here as well.


I think some people do successfully decide to leave the gay lifestyle. It’s a personal decision and some do leave it. They may experience temptations for the rest of their lives, but if they choose, for personal, religious or whatever reasons, to leave homosexuality, we should support their decision just as much as a person who chooses to be gay. It’s tough.


Thom

[url=http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/
]http://thom-signsofastruggle.blogspot.com/


Hey Thom……I think the term ‘gay lifestyle’ is an incredibly misleading one. …..which I deal with at some length on my blog in an email to a megachurch pastor http://alifeofunlearning.blogspot.com/2009/07/email-to-megachurch-pastor.html


I’m assuming that when people are referring to leaving the ‘gay lifestyle’…..they are leaving a life of frequent sexual encounters, drug taking, dance parties and clubbing. But of course these are not gay activities…they are a part of a subculture within the GLBT community as they are in the heterosexual world. Any one of us can change our lives and the way we behave but of course we can’t change our sexual orientation……so you can’t really leave homosexuality. That was the big mistake I made for 22 years believing my morality and my sexual orientation were the same thing.


I agree with personal choice. I don’t have a problem with people choosing to be celibate, they just need to make sure they close their emotional life down so they don’t fall in love with someone of the same sex though.


I don’t have a problem with gay guys choosing to live the ‘heterosexual lifestyle’ by marrying a woman…..so long as:


1. the heterosexual woman understands that she will possibly have substandard sex all her life or none at all and that he may have to fantasise about having sex with a man in order to perform

2. the heterosexual woman understands that Her husband will never really be able to connect with her totally emotionally and therefore will not experience true intimacy like she would if she married a normal heterosexual man.

3. The man is aware that for the majority of these ‘marriages’…..they are unsustainable long term

4. The man is aware that around 40 he will most likely experience a much worse midlife crisis than a heterosexual man will.

5. The man is aware that the suppression, denial or hatred of his same sex orientation will most likely cause either mental health issue, obsessive or addictive behaviours or physical illnesses.


What I do have a problem with though is people being told they their same sex orientation is evil or dysfunctional. This simply is not true……..as demonstrated by the many 1,000’s of gay men and lesbians who live normal, fulfilled lives as responsible members of society……and the growing number who also have a faith.


If I’m heterosexual I can’t chose to be gay. If I’m gay I can’t chose to be heterosexual. If I’m gay the only choices I have are to accept, deny or suppress…..but the orientation remains the same.


It seems strange to me that a person would spend their whole life denying who they are and live a pretend heterosexual life……seems like a waste of a good life.


This is not just some opinion I have but experience gained through years working with 100’s of people in these areas.


Anthony Venn-Brown

Author of ‘A Life of Unlearning – A Journey to Find the Truth’

Available in all Australian major bookstores, Barnes and Noble and Amazon.com

Audio book on http://www.audible.com and also on Itunes

Blog http://alifeofunlearning.blogspot.com/

Honoured to be on the inaugural list of the 25 Most Influential Gay & Lesbian Australians


Specific coaching packages for gay, lesbian and bisexual clients and those questioning their sexual identity


1. To come out or not come out? – that is the question

2. Mixed Orientation Marriages – what to do?

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