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Question time - Sexuality/faith resolution

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flash
 
Joined in 2008
November 10, 2008, 17:35

Hi Flash. I’m not sure if you’ve read my story or not…..but if you have you’ll know that I’ve been in and out of the closet several times. It was only in the last time that I actually accepted my homosexuality. Even after that though it was still a reluctant acceptance……6 years down the track though that shifted again to celebrating my sexual orientation.


I’d like to respond to some of your comments if I may.


I am an ex-gay. I used to post here under a different name when I was an out gay but this year I believe my orientation has been altered.However if we walk closely to God through prayer and staying away from things that we know lead to temptation then I believe the orientation can be overcome.


Its an interesting term that. Ex-gay. When I was in the US in 2007 Alan Chambers, who heads up Exodus, said he doesn’t really like the term and wonders if he has ever really met one.

http://articles.latimes.com/2007/jun/18/nation/na-exgay18


Its an unfortunate term which gives the impression that if I’m no longer (ex) gay then I must be heterosexual. Of course we know that this is not the case not only by experience but also by research. What a person can do however is change behaviours, suppress their homosexuality, deny it any expression but it is never changed.


I remember thinking for so many years that if only I can get a hold of and control homosexual thoughts then my ‘natural’ heterosexuality will come to for. this never happened though.


Can anyone on here say that their relationship with God is as strong as it was before they came out?


Totally…without a doubt my relationship with God has never been more honest, open, fufilling, uninterrupted and resolved etc.


When I was out my sin alienated me from God.


I think you’ll find that sin is not an action or behavior but an attitude. it is pride and rebellion. Your homosexuality didn’t make you a sinner any more than a person heterosexuality makes them a sinner.


I still have the odd moments when I am tempted but we have to remember that temptation is not sin. Even Jesus was tempted.


I hear this a lot and i think it reflects some confusion by people. I’ve praised the ‘ex-gay’ leaders in Australia who been honest to say that the even in a heterosexual marriage the gay never goes away.


You may have heard me say this before…….but it bears repeating. “my morality is a choice. My sexual orientation however isn’t.”


I live a totally moral life as a same sex oriented person. My sexual addiction died when I came out. It was such a relief. It was a shame no one told me before this was possible….it would have saved me 22 years of absolute torment. So its not the sexual orientation that is the problem its the expression of it. This goes for both gay and straight.


I will not criticise my gay friends as we are all sinners but I will no longer accept it as natural or God-intended.


we appreciate your spirit.


Thanks for your reply Anthony. I have read your story and related to it a lot. I also have been in and out of the closet several times. The thing I find is that every time I accepted myself as a gay man my relationship with God would fade. I had to come to a point where I wanted to be a gay man or I wanted a relationship with God and I’ve decided that I my relationship with God is more important than my sexual urges.


What I face is no different really than what any person faces. I’m sure most married men meet women that they are attracted to. However for the sake of their relationship with their wife they will not give in to temptation. That’s one thing that I really struggled with in the gay scene. Most gay Christians I’ve met believe that now they’ve accepted their sexuality it’s ok for them to go out and be promiscuous. I know, I was like that too. Also most gay men I know comment on other men in purely sexual terms. That’s not ok, as much as straight men making every woman they see a sexual object is not ok. I don’t believe promiscuity or sexual innuendo is an option, straight or gay.


I choose to no longer refer to myself as gay or homosexual. I may always have temptations of same sex attraction but Christ is able to help me overcome temptation.

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
November 11, 2008, 00:33

it seems flash that those who choose to follow the path that you have and I did for many years only knew, for a variety of reasons. unhealthy expressions of their sexuality


I wish you every success my friend.


I work with people in this area all the time. Currently I’m working with several men in their 50’s, 60’s and even 70’s who are all gay and in heterosexual marriages. Some have acted on their same sex orientation others not. The one thing they all have in common though is that as the potential for life shortens there is something inside them that is screaming out……when do I get to live. This is actually not about having sex with men surprisingly….its about letting go of the pretense that they are straight and begin to live authentically.


I guess at least you know through the many stories of those here as well as mine that it is possible to be gay, live a moral life and be a christian. If at any time you feel you’d like to explore that option…..you won’t be alone and will have our support……something you’ll possibly not find in your church. I didn’t……but then again……..that was nearly 20 years ago now. Ben, Bryan, Isobel, Shanti Shanti are all the first fruits of the new day that is dawning.

magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
November 11, 2008, 06:58

I guess at least you know through the many stories of those here as well as mine that it is possible to be gay, live a moral life and be a christian.


Absolutely I agree Anthony, you can live a moral life as a Gay/Lesbian Christian, Im certainly not promiscuous and neither other females and Gay males I know, its sad that so many equate homosexuality with promiscuity. 🙁 but fortunately the word is starting to get round about the ignorance of this.

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
November 11, 2008, 14:53

I’m so moral I shock myself sometimes….. 😆 😆 😆

magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
November 11, 2008, 14:58

sheeeesh! 🙄 😆 😆

matt
 
Joined in 2007
November 11, 2008, 15:52

Why do I feel sexuality is a problem, towards Why am I Gay.


The answer to this is I really thought enviromental factors, were the causes of my life now being Gay. After losing my Father to natural causes, a couple of years ago. I really stumbled in the church looking for a male , model, to understand me and live in some sort of Father ‘Spiritual connection. Do you remember that song in the Christian Faith, ‘What if I stumble, and What if I fall”. Some how I felt disconnected to ‘Sexuality in general, like I just did not want to talk about it. But it had reached a way to the core of my soul. As this was a Brokeness to me. Like the glass had shattered in a million peaces of emotional ‘Greif. So I kept looking in the church movement, for a connection to some sort of ‘Brother model, in the Aspstolic Faith. Yet it always fell into a Bi- Sexual problem, towrads the Heart. I am reaching for the touch of God’s Spirit for healing, but it was just to much. I had to think if you put on a mask, in front of your fellow christian friends. When can you take it off, so you can begin the life of who you are, behind the ‘Mask. I had expressed it in my Art, that I was lost in musculinty. So I felt being Gay for me, I sort of got lost in the -“Art Crowd of Life’.

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
November 11, 2008, 19:45

hey Matt…..that is quite a profound journey…..glad to see you’ve got clarity on what has been going on. Once we get clearer on things we can move on.

HillsBen
Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2008
November 11, 2008, 21:36

Hey Flash,


Gay, Ex-Gay or straight we are here to support you not condemn you, no matter where you are at.


I guess I am an ex-ex gay now. I believed I was changed for a while, really did. I even went on dates and everything..only to realise I was still living a lie to myself and to God.


Can anyone on here say that their relationship with God is as strong as it was before they came out?


Honestly, my relationship with God has only gone from strength to strength since I came out. I feel closer to Him in spirit and truth. My worship is raw and I give my all to God. I have grown in His word and in serving Him. I am still on this journey called life and there is much beauty about our Saviour that I am yet to learn….however being truthful to myself and to God shows me the amazing love for all people that was given at the Cross.


Bless you mate, no matter what you do!! 😀

gettingthere
 
Joined in 2008
November 12, 2008, 00:04

While we are on the topic, I’ll quickly throw this in. I think my relationship with God grew almost by default now that I think about it. I lived in fear about my gay identity and it was holding me back. Once I accepted it, it was no longer a hindrance and I was able to pursue God without fear. Does that make sense? Well, that’s how I felt. I agree with the others that self-acceptance led to a greater and deeper relationship with God.

frogger
 
Joined in 2005
November 12, 2008, 11:28

1. To what capacity does the route of self hatred and unacceptance effect and relate to a person who has not found peace in accepting their sexual orientation (being gay or bi) and still live as a Christian.


I can only speak personally for myself- unacceptance and self hatred lead to self destructive behaviours. It lead to issues with my partern because my sexuality had not been addressed, even though we were in a same sex relationship. It effected my confidence in every facet- with family, employment, with God, at church, with friends…



2. Why am I gay? I am not gay. I am bisexual. I am bisexual because I am. It doesn’t matter why…


3. What attitude should I have to my ‘ex-gay’ friend? I really want to ban his head in (figuratively) and tell him what a warped attitude he has. Or tell him off. Instead I am polite. What should I do?

I have a number of friends (10 +) who are ex-gay, deny ever being gay and some are married or divorced. I find this quite challenging. I want to support them and love them. But, i struggle with their sexuality issues because I have dealt with mine and I know how free they will be if they just accept Jesus loves me just as they are, and they are okay! But, I can not. So, we discuss it when they want to discuss it, or when I feel like I can talk to them or challenge them a little. I share all of me with them. I support them in their struggle to become straight as best I can, without judgment. But, I share my relationship with God, my family and my sexuality all the time. I never stop being me. My relationship with God is better than it ever has been in my 30 years of life. I am proud of that. No one can take that away..

I’ve learnt that you can not force it or pressure someone, you just have to be patient and accepting.


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