Hi Nick,
I noticed your post and it struck a chord. I am a former Baptist pastor and seminary instructor. I later joined the AOG where I was very active for 20 years. They asked if I would consider ordination but I said “no”.
I have been married to a most beautiful woman for over 30 years. It’s a long story which I have posted on my My Space; but, to make it short I finally came out at age 59.
I have had strong gay feelings since I can remember, but I honestly thought that I just had these unwanted feelings and could not really be gay as that was against God’s will.
I did everything in my power to rid myself of these feelings and almost took my life. It was through some gay Christians at a James Dobson anti-gay rally held in Seattle, through a Gangster Disciple who surrendered his colors to me, and the worry of a mom over her gay son that the Lord used to convict me to come out.
It was a time of freedom in the Lord but also a time of fear in what others might say. I loved my Lord and my church.
At first I only came out to those I felt I should, but most were on the internet.
What is almost strange was that the first year I came out I was allowed to prevent four youth from committing suicide. One was only 12 and he was brought to me by his friend of 13.
I feel a tremendous sense of responsibility to those who trust me. I was a leader in the AOG and considered one of their evangelists and a mentor to others, including other pastors. I would rather die a thousand deaths than lead one astray and so my coming out and accepting myself as gay was, and sometimes still is, a hard decision. I could have kept my mouth shut and avoided a lot of trouble.
I am now out to everybody. My wife has stayed with me but my church-a new pastor- excluded me even though I am faithful to my wife.
What has allowed me to become more assured of God’s love with each passing day?
1. I have seen the tremendous hurt in our gay Christian youth who feel rejected by God, their church, and some their family. And for those who don’t come out they hear how homosexuality is an abomination and those who are gay are worthy of eternal damnation. I helped a 16 year old girl who tried to burn herself to death because she didn’t want to be a lesbian. Her story is awesome on how we both blessed one another.
2. I know that I have honestly done everything that I could, and the Bible prescribes for to become ungay. I confessed my desires to the church, I prayed, I was anointed, I fasted, I claimed victory, and I abstained from gay activity-but I was still , had those unwanted gay feelings.
3. I know that God doesn’t make mistakes and is honest to His being. So I either had to admit that God was just “playing” a cruel joke on me or that gay was OK with God. The latter was leading me to a point where I would wind up hating God for His uncaring.
4. Since I have come out I have been allowed to help many youth and others out of depression or suicidal feelings. Most were Christians but some were not.
5. I began to study the Bible more closely on those passages which seem to condemn homosexual orientation [when in fact they do not]. If the story of Sodom is interpreted as usual, then God doesn’t come out as looking to holy. Also read books by Mel White, Shelby Spong etc. Read scientific articles. Learn the truth behind “Dr. Cameron” and the AFA and Reparative Therapy.
6. Read all of Romans chapter 1. We are told that it condemns us who are gay. But after you read it ask yourself if you are like the person described in verses 18-32.
7. This may sound heretical, but even if those verses used to condemn us, did in fact condemn us, then I would have to ask God if those were His words or the words of man.
8. This is your journey and no one else’s and so, with God’s guidance, only do what you feel is right. This is your business, your coming out and your life.
9. Finally understand this:
1 Tim. 4:10, For therefore we both labour and suffer reproach, because we trust in the living God, who is the Saviour of all men, specially of those that believe.
Romans 8:33-39, 33Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth.
34Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
36As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
37Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
God bless you my friend,
blaine
|
