Hi Shan

You are very welcome – glad to be of help.

I like where you’ve shifted your disclosure to. You just need a full stop after the word ‘gay’ so it doesn’t run into the next sentence. You might even need a dash or a few dots after the prior sentence that links it with “I am gay”. I’m thinking it might also need something else after

the “I am gay.” like: “Yes that’s right, and being gay is the secret I’ve been longing to share with you for so long.” This will allow the news to sink in whereas at the moment I’m almost not seeing the statement and thinking: ‘Oh God is he in trouble with the law?’, looking for the bad news. I mean know I’m OK with your sexuality so it might not have the same effect it does with your Mum. However the disclosure needs to be clearly seen so there’s no mistake or room for her to pretend she didn’t see it. Does that make sense?

I love everything else and the way you’ve reinforced that you’re still the same person as well as referring Mum to available supports. It’s a very thorough letter that will be a great support in and of itself.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

True… I have changed it again. Basically reworded it although I think it is better.

I think this is approaching finished… I am actually quite happy with it now 🙂

Thanks so much everyone 😀

S

No!

Not sick at all of making changes!

Erm… To be quite honest I still have trouble saying or typing the “g” word… Which sounds so pathetic… But I figure I am still getting used to everything….

It will probably get changed to something very similar to that… As soon as I can type it 😛

S

yep……the ‘g’, ‘h” and ‘L’ words……….words that haven’t come easily to our lips in the past……as we’ve had so many negative connotations and perceptions attached to them. One day soon my friend you’ll be able to use them with pride and no sense of shame.

As I’ve often said……..most people dont understand the term or concept of gay pride…….and the reason they don’t is they have never had to live with gay shame.

I am still not comfortable with it… But the fact that God is ok with me is a huge relief…

Anyhoo… After just over two weeks writing this letter I think I am ready to share it… Huge thanks to Ben and Bryan for proof reading it numerous times…

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Dear Mum,

Let me start by thanking you. Since leaving Dad you have done a wonderful job of being both of my parents and I can?t thank you enough for that. You have instilled the values that I carry with me each day. I truly appreciate the numerous sacrifices you have made for me to bring me up the best you could. The most significant being a personal relationship with Jesus.

I never thought I would have to write a letter like this. Nor did I want to. This is undoubtably the hardest thing I have done. I started this letter in March and have revised it numerous times. I am telling you this because I want to be truthful to you and I can not continue further living this depressing lie. I believe I am entitled to a chance at happiness and this is something that I need to do.

I have struggled with numerous things for the past 8 years. I have believed that I was the only one in my situation and that no one would understand. I came to the conclusion that the only way out of this would be to take my own life, which I have attempted numerous times.

Last time I was in Sydney I was planning on finishing everything. I was doing some work and my search program came up with a link that shouldn?t have been. I read through it and it brought me to tears. I understood all of the struggles this young Sydney guy named Ben had gone through with being a gay Christian.

I also found an Australian forum that helps people better comprehend if these two seemingly opposite things can somehow fit together. I have found immense support from this group and have found a few people to talk to who share similar stories, the majority from a Christian perspective many of whom are Pentecostal.

Mum… I relate to these. I am gay. I have been hiding being gay for years. I have prayed about it for years, fell asleep crying about it, asking God to somehow change me and make me ?normal?. I have come to understand that this is not a choice… This is a genetic thing. It is nothing to do with the way I was raised. I can not change it. It is hardwired into me. This is my normal.

I am still a Christian, and perhaps stronger than ever. I believe God made me for a purpose and he considered everything about me. If he doesn?t want to change me why should I kill something he made and considered perfect? He doesn?t make mistakes and I will no longer consider myself to be his first.

I know for certain you can?t “Pray away the gay” like I have tried to do for years. It is all beyond my control. I can?t do anything about it except do the best with what he has provided me with. I believe that he will forgive me for anything I do against his will as long as I do not deny him, which I have NEVER done. I believe that God is fine with me just the way I am. I believe that I have issues with self hatred. I am continuing to pray, and am learning more daily.

I vividly remember you telling me about homosexuals and that they could change if they wanted to and there were programs to cure them. I have looked up the programs and spoke to people who actually went through them and have done my own research This is not a decision I have entered into lightly… I have put so many thoughts into this and so many prayers making sure that this is the right thing to do. I have also done may hours of research, both into the science and into the religious aspects.

From the information I can gather they mainly try to get you to hate the “gay part” of yourself. Well, it dawned on me when talking to another few people, that I actually did this to myself. I have hated myself because of this and taught myself to suppress emotions, attempting trying to “shut down” part of myself once and for all.

I have always known I was significantly different to my peers. I don?t believe any of the labels doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists have given me. None of them. I believe carrying this secret has been the main cause of my depression. Also FYI, I don?t and haven’t had a boyfriend nor am I living the “Gay Lifestyle” as portrayed by the media.

You don?t have to agree with me on this, but I would appreciate your support in becoming the person God made me to be. I can totally understand that this may come as a complete shock, But I am praying so hard you will find a way to accept me. I am exactly the same person as this morning, before you read this. I am just finally taking off my mask and letting the truth out.

You have been the best mother I could have asked for. God gave me just the person I needed to come thorough so many rough times with me, yet, you have never stopped being supportive and encouraging me to do the best I could in every situation. Without you there is absolutely no way I could be where I am. You have done a brilliant job in circumstances that wouldn?t be considered “ideal”. I couldn?t imagine better circumstances. The lessons you have taught me will stay with me for life.

I do not believe this needs to be public knowledge and would seriously appreciate you respecting that, but at the same time I know you will need someone to talk to. This is as big of a process for me as it is a shock to you.

I would appreciate you speaking to xxxxx. She has been understanding about this.

You can also speak to xxxxxxx on xxxxxxxxx or xxxxxxxxxx. She and I have discussed this pretty intensely & I think she understands where I am coming from.

Underneath there is a DVD… “For The Bible Tells Me So”. I would really appreciate you watching this. It explained so much to me, I pray it does the same for you.

I would really like a response from you, preferably an email. This gives you a bit of time to contemplate it and think over it. I don?t have all the answers, but I would love you to send any questions/issues/thoughts you have.

I will be in Sydney for 2 weeks, not one as I have previously told you. This has been arranged with both xxx, xxxxx and xxxxxxx. I think it would be best for both of us to have a bit of reflection time.

I love you and hope you can accept me for who I am.

<3

Your son,

Shan...

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Any thoughts would be appreciated! Thanks everyone... Again, I honestly never thought I would even draft this letter... Everyone here is really amazing 🙂