How do you do it? I mean, what do you do when people are on your back and you are the only one who believes as you do? How do you survive when you have to fight – alone – against your family, your friends, your church, your teachers and every one of them believes that you are rebeling against everything that they stand for?

I know that I should think positively and hope for the best. Create the future you want in your mind first and all that. The only problem is, based on everything I’ve seen, I can’t for one second see anything good happening. In a matter of weeks, our class is going to be taught that homosexuality is wrong, that society is twisting things to fit themselves, and I, the gay Christian kid, am not looking forward to that day. In fact, the word ‘survive’ is probably an appropriate word to use for this situation, because I’m starting to fear that, given the contreversial nature of it all, a firestorm might come up and I’m scared. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I don’t want to just sit there and look down at my notebook stupidly for the whole forty-five minutes, but at the same time, I don’t want to have people talking about me – me, who has been at this freaking school for years, longer than all of them except my (homophobic) elder brother- in the way that I know they’ll be talking. Maybe not me specifically (hopefully not me specifically) but it’ll be me they speak of every time they speak of gays as evil and it’ll be me they speak of every time they speak of gays as perverse and it’ll be me they speak of every time they speak of gays as abominable and I don’t know what I’m going to do.

I know that I have managed to achieve a level of peace and normalcy in my life that I am so grateful for. But at the same time, I realize more and more that my wounds haven’t yet been healed and I’m fearing that this will just turn into a trigger that is going to cause something to break. I don’t think I’m going to get a chance to say what I want – because saying what I want to say, in this class, constitutes a twisting of the word of God, and is an example of what we are going to be trained to go against in this class. In short, I’m really not ready for this and I feel more and more like I’m sliding closer and closer to a vicious thunderstorm and even though I know I have a small number of supporters, I feel almost like I’d rather just have nothing and live my life alone in a vaccuum than go through this. So what in the world am I supposed to do? Anyone?

Thanks Anthony.

I guess one of the problems is that the class is VERY structures. We follow this pattern for every lesson and I don’t think we’ll be straying from it at all. I don’t know. Maybe I should try to ask about something. I’ll think about it some more.

(BTW, I’m sure almost everyone at my school knows I’m gay, they just don’t talk about it. And that’s not me being suspicious, I actually know that. So almost anything I say will come off as being personal, I think.)

gettingthere My heart goes out to you in a massive way.

All of what Anthony says is very good. But …. if you are not feeling strong enough to speak up, and if you are not feeling strong enough to sit in that class and stay silent (which depending on your teacher) might not be possible if it is a “discussion lesson” and all are expected to contribute …. then be “sick” that day. I am serious. I am studying education, to be a teacher, I also have 3 kids (all teenagers) and although I do not think this is a good idea for 99% of the time, I think, if you are not feeling strong in spirit and mind and emotion then be “ill” that day. The downside to that is your assessment on the issue. Depending on what that is will also determine whether my suggestion is a valid one or not.

My kids can defend homosexuality and other issues/causes in class because they now attend a state high school. They use to go to a christian school and such things were almost impossible for them. So from that perspective I know all that you are talking about.

Your decision, whatever you do, us on freedom will support you to the enth degree. Hearts, thoughts and prayers are all for you here ‘gettingthere’.

😉

one last thought … Use the wonderful phrase killed to death “what would Jesus do?” if you get the response he would hate them etc, “please, show me in scripture how Jesus showed us that way?” Are we not meant to be mirrors of Jesus. He never even mentioned homosexuality. So not a big deal to Him I would dare say, looking at it scripturally.

Anyway, all the very best.

hi gettingthere,

I am sorry that you’re feeling that this class is going to be such a negative experience for you and I am really feeling for you here. I think that it would be completely reasonable to absent yourself from that class if you’re not feeling able to face it at this time. by absenting yourself, you’re removing yourself from the stress and pain of it, and you don’t have to listen to a one eyed presentation which has the potential to be so damaging to your emotional and mental wellbeing.

You could also take the approach of asking some pertinent questions if you feel strong enough and if you’re given opportunity, but your safety comes first.

I’ll be thinking of you, and praying for you.

great to hear from you Lamb…..its been ages