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susi's journey through the valley of death

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Susanne
 
Joined in 2007
February 20, 2007, 00:02

thanks so much for the prayer. it is now the dawn of yet another new day, and i am having difficulty wanting to face it. i just want to go back to bed. i feel so weak and distant. hard to sleep last nite. have to take daughter Hannah to school, so will try to get motivated…thanks gals for your support.

in Jesus name and blessing.

sus



Susanne
 
Joined in 2007
February 23, 2007, 16:11

Thursday, February 22, 2007


It is today. The sun is out, and I am home alone. I sit and ponder all the events of the past 6 months and more, in an effort to bring healing and wholeness to my being. I heard a story from a therapist I am now seeing, and have found much logic and understanding in its presentation,. It goes like this:

A man was seen standing on the roof of his house, as a flood was ensuing, and in an effort to escape the rising waters, had climbed to the highest place. He knew the Lord, and was seen praying to him for help. As he prayed, a lone raft came down the water, close enough to catch, but the man let it pass by saying I believe the Lord will save me. He continued praying, and along came a boat with some people on board. They called to the man, get in! We can save you! But the man hollered back, “The Lord will save me!” He went back to prayer. Soon a helicopter flew overhead, and dropped a line to rescue the man, but the man refused again, and again said “The Lord will save me!” Then the water rose, and the man was drowned. He entered the gates of heaven, and went to the Lord saying “why did you not rescue me?” And the Lord replied, “I sent you a raft, a boat and a helicopter, what more did you want?”

This story brought with it a vision, of all who have rallied round me to help me through this time of heartache and despair. However one vision was a cause of deep sadness. As I stood on top of my roof, the flood waters rising, a boat passed by. It contained the people who had taught me to trust in the Lord, to be obedient, and yet their boat had a hole in the bottom. They cried out to me, “We can save you for the Lord” and i placed my trust in them, instead of the Lord. Their boat was sinking. I climbed in anyhow, and as we went along, I grieved. I knew something was amiss. There was a hole in their boat. There was hate in their hearts, for by adding me to their boat, it began to sink faster, and when they could not get me to conform to their way of thinking, they “released me with blessing” (threw me overboard). I did not drown, but before I lost all my strength, the Lord sent another boat. This one was full of unconditional loving people, who loved and accepted me as I am…

There are those who say they love, but cannot because of hatred in their hearts, and those who love in the ways the Lord taught. All say they follow Jesus, and all do in one way or another, but the greatest of all gifts I have received is the unconditional love, without the human understanding of the conditional love of “love me enough not to leave me there” statement that arose out of the’ love the sinner, hate the sin’ theology, which in effect brings with it the expectation that people can bring change in other people, even when God chose or allowed certain things to be.

I find comfort in His word in regard to this story.


“Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.”

Luke 6: 22

This verse speaks so many volumes to me, in so many ways. It has become alive for me to see that even those who profess love, really do not fully understand love, and their hearts are hardened, and their eyes blinded. In that, all scripture has come even more fully alive for me, as well as His love for me and my deepening love relationship with him. I pray for them. I love them. I forgive them. I pray for myself to continue to love and forgive even in the onslaught of rejection and hate. For now, my heart grieves for the things that grieve the heart of the Lord.


In Jesus Name,

Susanne



frogger
 
Joined in 2005
February 23, 2007, 17:53

awesome…. i love it!!!



Susanne
 
Joined in 2007
February 24, 2007, 06:44

i woted this today, starting as a letter of clarification to some of the things i am hearing come back to me out of the church that released me, and found it ended up being something of a testamony…its long i know, and i apologize, but just felt i had to post it.

thanks to all who have helped and supported me this far.


February 23, 2007

Greetings friends in Christ.

It is with deep sadness that I write this letter, as I know with its reception, will likely never hear from some of you again. I feel I must give you the courtesy of explanation as to what has happened.

I have “come out the other side’ as it were, on my long journey and walk thru my own valley of death, and have since discovered the truth for me, from God, on who and what I am. I have also found out what through the minds eye in a human perspective on love, is many times conditional, and then not Gods heart nor what he desires for our heart; how we are ruled by our mind, and society order, and in then in that to “logical thinking”. Our mind placed in first order brings with it lack of understanding of the things of God, which are beyond our understanding, and causes spiritual blindness, and a dark spot in our spirit, or heart within us. In this, the scriptures have again come alive, are here, now, and speaking clearly to me, in me, and my relationship with him deepening to a level I have not experienced before. I know what He means when He says their eyes are blind, that the Pharisees and Saducees are alive and well in todays age, and I am very much in the middle, as was prophesied. I know it is our call to love with our whole heart, the mind being servant to the heart, and the heart of God, which is the spirit within us.

Most of you know the story, but for clarification purposes, will briefly tell some of the highlights. As long as I can remember, I was always attracted to women, and could not understand, nor would I give into it. I fought it with all I had, and gave into societies expectations of what social order meant. Also, as a young girl, had been molested by a person, I will not name here for protection of the family is still in order. It began at an age before I have recollection, until age 15, at which time I “cut him off” for I did not “need” him any longer. I found myself in a whirlwind of sex, drugs, alcohol. I became pregnant, and at the insistence of my parents, had an abortion. I always knew God, I had immense faith even as a child, and always longed for more of Him. Jesus was my constant. I graduated High school, with no plans, and a much older boyfriend who wanted me to marry. I spent the summer with my parents, did much soul searching, and two weeks before schools were to start, decided to try college. My father jumped all over that possibility, and literally jumped through hoops, calling on everyone he knew to make it happen, and so he did. In two weeks, I was signed up, accepted, had gotten a student loan, and was off to college. I met the man there I thought to be my “soul mate” as so many things fit for us, and a year after college, married him. As I look back on that, and the two beautiful daughters we have, it for me was nothing more than a marriage of convenience for societies sake. Not that there was not love, or that our relationship was bad, just not full. For either of us. I was always searching, seeking, wholeness, pure love, and Jesus.

Finally, when I “came out” to him, there was much fear, anger, frustration, and a long and ugly divorce. I was able to deal with the onslaught of that in the perfect love of Jesus, and the companion who later became my true “soul mate”. My ex-husband has since shown me love that surpasses human understanding. He has been a source of great help and support. He affirmed who and what I am, and even tho painful, confessed to infidelity on his part, as well as that “he always knew I was gay”. I have great respect and brotherly love for him.

My relationship with Jesus became so on fire with the acceptance of who he made me to be, that I actually considered ministry. But because society was so not accepting of who I was, realized it to be a futile desire. I did however find perfect love. The kind of love and oneness described over and over in scriptures. I also was given divine understanding that the current interpretation of His word, was errant, unkind, unloving, and simply not His truth. He showed me His truth, and I was set completely free. I attained the full peace, joy and was so annointed with His spirit. We studied, we prayed, I read her scriptures nearly every night. It was pure. It was perfect. But the world was not.

We left the church we had been attending, as unhappiness with the new pastor proved to be an issue, and began out journey towards finding new Christian communtiy. And so we did. The church we found was progressive, had music we could really get into, and a speaking of the word to an understanding we could really live with…for a time. When we found that they called our life and lifestyle sin, we thought we were strong enough to overcome that one issue, as we were living it in that worldly view of non-acceptance anyhow. We took every class they offered. Yet I was weak, where she was strong. The doubts began to creep in, slowly at first, then later with a fury unlike anything I had ever experienced. They became deeper and deeper ingrained with every new thing I experienced, the prayer, the prophesy, the healing I witnessed, both for self and others. I became angry, frustrated, confused. Our relationship began to suffer, both mine with her, and mine with God. I stood in the yard one day and screamed to the heavens “I don’t believe in you anymore!!!” I repented of that shortly after, as I knew too much already. I knew him intimately, and knew he loved me. I began crying out to him daily for truth. His truth. I became obsessed with having to know. I became physically, spiritually, and emotionally sick. I gained nearly 60 pounds, developed allergies causing me to lose the job I loved so dearly, and began to die.

Thats when He came to me. I literally had my own “burning bush” experience. He spoke to me. This is what he said:

This is the message I received from the Lord on August 15, 2006.

>>I was sitting at my dining room table, reciting and journaling the

>>23 Psalm tho for almost 10min. I could not even remember the book

>>or verse number. (serious spiritual warfare).

>>This is what I wrote:

>>The Lord is my shepherd (a shepherd vision of ’98 was recalled)

>>I shall not want (my struggles with materialism this summer was

>>noted)

>>He makes me lie down in green pastures (my cloud game with God,

>>Jesus and Holy Spirit)

>>He leads me beside still waters ( had an unending desire to be

>>on/near water this summer)

>>He restores my soul (He has been working on this sooo hard this

>>summer to do just this)

>>He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake (my

>>prayers this summer were about “my desires” avoid pride,

>>self-righteousness, for His glory)

>>Even tho I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, (my whole

>>year! Illness, job loss, the issue of homosexuality, and a boss who

>>is anti-God right now)

>>I will fear no evil (fear: on a prayer walk in ’98, he showed me

>>right fear/wrong fear)

>> (evil: Jesus saves me from, Barbs prayer

>>over me, Muriels vision)

>>Your rod and your staff they comfort me (vision of his arms wrapped

>>round me as I sleep)

>>You prapare a table before me in the presence of my enemies (the

>>”church”, tonights prayer meeting, the lifestyle question)

>>You anoint my head with oil ( still to come?reaffirmation/baptism?

>>real oil?)

>>my cup overflows (will come in my divine appointment when I am

>>trained and ready)

>>surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,

>>and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (my early death

>>vision of ’96, prayed off, I cant wait to get to heaven, but He has

>>work for me here now, I have a soul or two to shepherd and save.

>>

>>As I completed this, I glanced out the window, and a blaze of

>>bright orange was up in the corner property oak tree. I thought

>>one of our horseback riding blaze orange vests for use in the fall

>>hunting season had blown out of the barn and up into the tree. (it

>>was far to early for the leaves to change, and none had so far.) I

>>put it off, as I knew it was far to high up to reach, and kept

>>reading and journaling. I was nearly knocked off my bench! It

>>would not leave me alone, and I knew it was the Holy Spirit nudging

>>at me. So aloud I said “FINE! Lets do everything YOU want to

>>do!!!” So I set out to tromple through the woods to “go see if I

>>could get it down somehow”. When I arrived at the tree, I

>>instantly knew I was in the presence of God. I was humbled,

>>reverant, and even a bit giddy, but not afraid. He wanted me to

>>lie down in the grass and look up into and through the tree, and

>>talk. I had just the week before had a dream of a snake slithering

>>down my shirt, and my first words to him were “are you going to

>>have a snake crawl into my shirt now?” But he filled me with his

>>presence, I was surrounded by his glory, and the world disappeared.

>>We talked openly for the first time in years.

>>” Come to Me”…”I Love You” He said

>>I replied, “I Love You Too…. I want to ask you to find someone

>>else, strengthen the men”

>>”The women need you” He said

>>I replied, “but I’m gay!”

>>”I can take that away” He said (side note, didnt say he

>>would, but can…)

>>I replied, “what of the others, Joanne!?”

>>”I will take care of her” He said

>>(at this I burst into tears, weeping and crying)

>>I said, “what of the others? Leisa, Kathy, Pam, Dawn, Rev.

>>Samuel……….?”

>>At this I received no answer

>>I said, “You’re gonna leave me on the fence on this one arn’t

>>you?!”

>>At the mention of the Rev. Samuel, a vision of slight darkness,

>>does he only have it half right?

>>”I need you to be in a relationship with Me” He said. I knew that

>>meant JUST Him right now, not forever, that there was to be another

>>earthly relationship with someone AND Him, someday…

>>I said, “I don’t want to be like Moses, I want to be obedient, but

>>I want to think you have someone else…” “I don’t know what to

>>do! Give me grace!”

>>”trust me” He said

>>”Go now” He said

>>”Do what?” I replied

>>”I will lead you” He said

>>At this I was on my knees, weeping and crying, museing at the

>>conversation, and what it was going to mean, going to do to my

>>world, my life, my home and family, and it was then that I could

>>feel the attack by the enemy..

>>”Turn away!!” I yelled “you have no power here! I belong to

>>Jesus! In Him I will listen!”

>>”I don’t Know Lord, but I trust you.” were my last words.

>>The clump in the tree was in actuality, a small burst of very

>>brightly colored leaves as if on fire, as such I call this my own

>>”burning bush encounter”.


But I was afraid. I wanted with all my heart to go to Joanne first, yet was compelled to think she would not believe. I had to go to the church, to help with discernment, they had “proved” to me so many times that they were “spirit filled”, and would be able to help. It was with great pain, grief and unbelievable strength that I followed through on their interpretation. To be “called out of homosexuality. To “divorce” my wife, and to live a “pure life” in Christ. In hindsight, I now believe he did not call me out of my marriage that had been so perfect and pure, but to climb the mountain top to be alone with just Him, no church, no society pressures, but I walked this dark, lonely valley for 5 months. I was told my obedience would bring reward, but I had to walk through the pain. I was never in such despair, depression, anxiety, and so very alone. I lived with people of the church, with gratitude for the giving, had my beloved farm for sale, and watched my family, friends, walk through this death as well. Joanne taking it the worst and hardest.

I lived in death. Death to self. I threw myself into classes, prayer, and constant pressure to speak the words “it is sin”. I never could. If that was sin, life was not worth living was what i heard over and over in my heart. I was so confused, lost, and alone. Darkness was always near. I was given visions, words, that I could not understand. Many of the visions I drew, as I am also gifted by Him as an artist. They all make sense now.

It was a Sunday. A woman from church stopped me before going up for prayer after service. She told me how she had been feeling bad for the things she had told me one day early on in the journey, where she took the literal word of God and beat me with it, and she felt then it was not right to handle the situation. She said she felt somehow responsible for my continued despair, and now wanted to “help”. She said she spoke to another pastor friend of hers, who had another friend who was gifted in deliverance, and wanted to encourage me to see him. “Just think about it”. You have been struggling too long and hard with this without relief” she said. I wept at her words, more so for her asking my forgiveness in a round about way. I went to the front of the church, and told pastor of the words she had spoken to me. He sat. He thought. He began questioning me. There gathered two other women, both powerful in prayer, to listen, to pray. I was told I was stuck partly because I was not able to speak the words “it is sin”. I was told that for total release, I would need to start to speak the truth, in front of God and witnesses, and it would set me free. I followed his lead. He spoke the words, and I repeated them. “homosexuality is sin. The relationship with Joanne is a lie. Your whole life a lie. The things you were taught at your coming out in that sexuality a lie….on and on in that vein. Prayer went on for nearly an hour. At the end I was nauseated, and had the most unbelievable headache I have ever experienced. I never felt so sick. The sickness permeated my entire being, gaining speed and worsening as the day grew night, and by morning, I no longer existed. I did not know where I ended, and the world began. My body felt detached from the earth, and from me. It was the closest thing that can be described as an out of body experience. It was on this morning, I could no longer take the pain. I had completely lost my will to live. I was going to end it on this day. I intended to drive off the highest cliff I could find, and would have, had God in His ultimate goodness and love literally rescued me. I found myself at the church, asleep in the sanctuary for hours. When I awoke, I heard “go home. I love you”. In the dazed sense of disorientation I could not fully comprehend the words. Over the next few days, it became crystal clear. I spoke with the church secretary for a while, her answer was that the prayers were purging all the lies from me, and I was now closer to recovery, that I had to keep saying it, and it would come. I told her something was very wrong, and I did not believe any of the things I had said. I called pastor, left a message, knowing it his day off, but knew I was in desperate need. I was going to kill myself this day, and I needed help. I knew not where to go, nor what to do, but that I needed help. A good, christian counselor. It was only by divine intervention that I was led to the doors of another church, knowing I would be chastised for my homosexuality, but still the deeper sense of immediate help. I went in, and asked the secretary if I could make an appointment. She went to the pastors office to check his schedule, and came out saying, “he actually could see you now if you have time”.

I poured out my heart. I cried. He spent the next few hours counseling, and consoling me. Much to my surprise, he also affirmed my sexuality. God really does love me. I spent much of the rest of the day in prayer, and in praise to Him for saving me, loving me, and bringing to me the truth. When I repented of all my doubts, all my worry, all the lies I had spoken on that Sunday, I had the most powerful experience of the spirit I have ever had. I was totally released, totally forgiven, and totally in the truth for me. I have never loved Him more.

I finally went to Joanne. I asked if there was any chance, and hope, and could I come home. She said yes, but that for now we would have to live as friends. I moved back home, we took to the task of painting and setting up my now away at college daughters room as a place for me. The next days and into weeks now are proving filled with difficulty and sadness. There were more “divine appointments” as I call areas in which I know He is leading me. I met with another affirming pastor, and that relationship, along with the other affirming one, is proving to be one full of healing, hope, and the future God desires for me becoming ever more clear. I was told to meet with the pastor and wife of the unaffirming church to express my love and gratitude that the new pastor saw, as well as to give clarity to what has happened to me. This pastor said he would be willing to be there as a support, but not to debate or get into any discussion of theology. The offer was made, and was denied. I was told I was “released with blessing” from the church I had loved, and asked to return the keys I had been given as I was the person who cleaned the church weekly. I tried to see it, but was overwhelmed by the rejection. I prayed, and still do for my willingness to stay loving, even in the face of hate. They said many times they love me, yet hate the sin, but how can it be if what they perceive to be sin is who I am, then in the spirit, deep within my soul, is the unfounded hate that bears on my soul. I felt judged, condemned, and rejected in such complete fullness, and my prayers as a result are for self to love, forgive, and give to God. I had just felt human judgment, condemnation, and rejection, as I have all along since way back in my first coming out, and I hate it, I battle to not do to others as they have done to me, and pray many times daily to not let the anger of my mind color the love of my heart. I tell myself and others, it is where they are, to love them there, and leave them there, as it is not my job to change the mind of others, but is Gods job.

Joanne was far more wounded than I had even begun to know or understand. As well as my woundings coming forth with great intensity. She is filled with anger beyond understanding, verging on hate. She has intense lack of trust and is still in so much inner pain. I became filled with grief as well as guilt, taking full responsibility for what had happened. I love her more than words can describe, yet have come to the knowledge that it may be far to gone to be reconciled. Such sadness that brought. Now facing more loss, despair, and feeling the effects of her rejection, but having the love of Christ to guide me, have been able to reach out in healthy ways, and seek and accept help fully. My battle now is with self, complete lack of trust for others, especially those who call themselves brothers and sisters in Christ. I felt alone. Afraid. Lonely. I had now no one. Only Jesus. I was in such deep, and full sadness, that only I and Christ shared. I know what he felt as he walked to the cross. I know deeply the judgment. I know the condemnation. I know the rejection. Even from those who called themselves friend. Oh the pain he felt when Peter denied him. I know this pain. I love him more that he endured it for me. That He forgives me. And that He now carries me to spaces, and places, and people, only the spirit and the heart can know. I feel his love more fully, and love for him deepens at every turn. I am still alone in the physical sense, as I may be for awhile, but know he will not leave nor forsake me. I am now in the place that has been prophesied many times. In the middle, on the fence. But the middle is the place of light, of the cross, and of every color of the rainbow. To my left, is the conservative right. The farther they are from the fence, the farther in darkness they become. To my right, is the liberal left. The farther they are from the fence, the farther in darkness they become. I am right where He wants me to be. What will become of it, I do not know, but I trust Him more daily, as he brings to light, more of the light. I have “enemies” on both sides of the fence, and when my time comes, he will give to me the fullness of life he promised. I heard from both sides, that either choice I make, will be one of a narrow path, but am finding the doors opening that men try to lock, and doors that lock that men try to open. I am blessed and love him for it.

I am still in a place of much healing and growth, and there are still many pains to be endured. I am not ashamed to admit I have sought a licensed therapist, even though some would say I must not trust the Lord enough, it is the gift she has been given from him to help His body. I am learning to release the guilt, shame, and let God do any judging or condemning. I am seeking His help daily to let go of Joanne, and open the eyes of my heart to continue to hear Him. To close the things of the world, and open the things of His heart, desire, and will for me. Sometimes, that is the only thing to get me through the day. The knowledge that I am in His will, right where He wants me to be, and trust Him for his love, compassion, forgiveness, and even, my “daily bread”.

But for now, it is today. The day is gloomy with the possibility of a coming storm, and I am home alone. I sit and ponder all the events of the past 6 months and more, in an effort to bring healing and wholeness to my being. I heard a story from a therapist I am now seeing, and have found much logic and understanding in its presentation,. It goes like this:

A man was seen standing on the roof of his house, as a flood was ensuing, and in an effort to escape the rising waters, had climbed to the highest place. He knew the Lord, and was seen praying to him for help. As he prayed, a lone raft came down the water, close enough to catch, but the man let it pass by saying I believe the Lord will save me. He continued praying, and along came a boat with some people on board. They called to the man, get in! We can save you! But the man hollered back, “The Lord will save me!” He went back to prayer. Soon a helicopter flew overhead, and dropped a line to rescue the man, but the man refused again, and again said “The Lord will save me!” Then the water rose, and the man was drowned. He entered the gates of heaven, and went to the Lord saying “why did you not rescue me?” And the Lord replied, “I sent you a raft, a boat and a helicopter, what more did you want?”

This story brought with it a vision, of all who have rallied round me to help me through this time of heartache and despair. However one vision was a cause of deep sadness. As I stood on top of my roof, the flood waters rising, a boat passed by. It contained the people who had taught me to trust in the Lord, to be obedient, and yet their boat had a hole in the bottom. They cried out to me, “We can save you for the Lord” and I placed my trust in them, instead of the Lord. Their boat was sinking. I climbed in anyhow, and as we went along, I grieved. I knew something was amiss. There was a hole in their boat. There was hate in their hearts, for by adding me to their boat, it began to sink faster, and when they could not get me to conform to their way of thinking, they “released me with blessing” (threw me overboard). I did not drown, but before I lost all my strength, the Lord sent another boat. This one was full of unconditional loving people, who loved and accepted me as I am…

There are those who say they love, but cannot because of hatred in their hearts, and those who love in the ways the Lord taught. All say they follow Jesus, and all do in one way or another, but the greatest of all gifts I have received is the unconditional love, without the human understanding of the conditional love of “love me enough not to leave me there” statement that arose out of the’ love the sinner, hate the sin’ theology, which in effect brings with it the expectation that people can bring change in other people, even when God chose or allowed certain things to be.

I find comfort in His word in regard to this story.


“Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.”

Luke 6: 22

This verse speaks so many volumes to me, in so many ways. It has become alive for me to see that even those who profess love, really do not fully understand love, and their hearts are hardened, and their eyes blinded. In that, all scripture has come even more fully alive for me, as well as His love for me and my deepening love relationship with him. I pray for them. I love them. I forgive them. I pray for myself to continue to love and forgive even in the onslaught of rejection and hate. For now, my heart grieves for the things that grieve the heart of the Lord.


In Jesus Name,

Susanne



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
February 25, 2007, 11:04

Wow Susanne, that is full on………..Lots in it……….still processing it all.

Thankyou for being so open and sharing so much….. )



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
September 26, 2009, 01:18

Hey Susanne….thought I’d say hi and see how you were going.



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
November 9, 2009, 15:17

Hi Susanne


I just recently joined this site and have read through your story and all the entries.


You have been through so much; my heart goes out to you with the grief you’ve suffered. I’m only glad you were able to receive such great support here, especially from Magsdee and Frogger.


How’s life for you now?


Hoping you are OK.


Rich Blessings,


Ann Maree



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
November 9, 2009, 16:18

hey Anne Maree…..I think you are on a quest to revive our 100 and something stories here on the forum 😆 😆 😆 😆


Go for it.


Also……..are you aware we have monthly chapter meetings in Melbourne run by Linda & Michelle. there next get together if Friday week……to be notified and be on the melbourne list please send an email to ‘[email protected]


I would have mentioned that earlier but for some reason i thought you were in Brisbane.


You will get to meet a number of people there who are on the forum….I’ll let them introduce themselves.



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
November 9, 2009, 17:30

Hey Avb


Hehe. Just good to hear others’ stories and have the opportunity to encourage them.


And yes, I’m aware of the monthly meetings. This month’s topic is of particular interest to me. I have good intentions but it’s a bit of a drive from my place.


Thanks anyway,


Ann Maree



Lady Jane
 
Joined in 2009
January 14, 2010, 21:17

Hi Susi,

I have joined the forum recently, and I have read all your posts. You were going through such a difficult time and handling it with such strength and courage. It’s been nearly three years since yor last posting. How are you doing? Please let us know.


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