Thanks Anthony! 😀 Thats a perfect example! 😆 😆

the way we say things is just as important if not more important than what we say. in a place like a forum its like body language is to communication. Nearly 80% of communication face to face is non-verbal. But the strongest element here is the the way we express our opinions and beliefs. Unfortunately it is a learned skill…..and doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Then of course there are the times we just respond because a post angers us……then for most people the the skill of writing sensitively goes out the window

Shanti Shanti Shanti Wrote:

I think that, for one thing, I do it all the time and I think that it never seems to work . I think that, for another, if I had to start every major or minor opinionated sentence with “I think that…” I think that I would go mad(…er ).

I think that if people can’t tell when I’m stating my opinion (factual though I think that it may sound) then I think that said people aren’t very discerning. I think that it is just implausible to begin every thought with a phrase that states it is subjective. I agree that when this is not done, it sounds like a challenge, and you are inclined to defend your position – but I think that there must be a better way of doing things.

……um, really?…….

Do I even need to point out the use of comon sense here? Lets get real William, thats not what I was implying. Im pretty sure you knew that. 😕

Shanti also wrote:

If people can’t tell when I’m stating my opinion (factual though it may sound) then said people aren’t very discerning.

In many of your posts you often talk about being misinterpreted. I am constantly reading appologetic replies from you to other members because of something you might have previously said in another post. From the statement above, this is probably the reason why. 😉

Here is just a little advice, and this will get you far in life my friend…. be very careful of how you present your words, especially when you do not know who may read them. Always look at your message from an outsiders prospective. The only one who truly understands you…. is you. 😉

Ok,

First of all, let me tell you that I truly believe that your heart is in the right place and that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you only have the best of intentions. You are my brother in Christ and we are to lift eachother up! Dont be discouraged William 😉 I love the idea that this is a place for healing, an online refuge so to speak. No one should feel down or feel that they are being picked on, which just leads us back to how we say things. I dont want to beat a dead horse, but might you allow me to have one more go at it? I hope that we all might be able to take something away here. I am by no means trying to criticize what you wrote in any way. Communicating how you feel through writing can be very difficult at times. 😉

I absolutely know what you meant, John, but I’m afraid that if people could have employed common sense so far, then they would have, and we wouldn’t be in this mess. It is well within our capabilities to know what we each mean in terms of what is a factual statement and what is an opinion, and that is all I’m trying to say.

Now, step back and read that again, but this time imagine that you are one of those “people” you are refering too……

Sounds a little insensitive doesn’t it? 😕

In those two sentences you implied three things that someone could very easily interpret negatively.

1. Every person who was upset over a post that they did not agree with lacked employing common sense.

2. Every person who has read your posts should instinctively know exactly what you meant as fact or opinion.

3. This whole “situation” is a “mess”.

Did you mean to imply these things in a negative fashion? Of course not! 😆

I think that the problem here isn’t that you do not communicate by the book. ie; spelling, punctuation, gramar, italics, underlines, and so on. Its just that you have to put a little more sensitvity into some of your statements. I would gather that you are a very no nonsense, ‘lets get straight to the point’ type of person, maybe even a little sarcastic at times?

I could be totaly wrong, but thats just the impression I get from you.

Basicaly, step back, and put yourself in someone elses shoes. 1) The person who is an active part of your thread and will post to your comment, and 2) The outsider who may be reading this very post right now and thinking “What mess?!?!? I was rather encouraged by all these posts! I didnt know there was a mess? Maybe I should go somewhere else…”

Sometimes, a little compassion, with maybe even a dash of senstivity goes a long way. 😉

Alright then, I can see where you are coming from, John. I still stand by what I said, but if I may I’ll try to respond and make myself clearer…?

Actually, I do see how I could have made myself clearer here. This is an example of the way I speak sometimes that doesn’t go ‘by the book,’ as you said. See, I’ve made a habit of referring to specific groups of people in the third person, ie. if I was talking about gay Christians, then I would say ‘gay Christians’ rather than ‘we’, even if I mean to include myself. In the same way, I have here referenced ‘people’ meaning ‘those who regularly post on this forum’, which inevitably includes myself – a fact I could have made much clearer.

Concerning point 1: I don’t think I implied this – I suppose I can see how you might have interpreted it that way, but there was no such intent behind it.

Point 2: I stand by this opinion. Most of the time, whether something is an opinion or not is self-evident – it helps to have an indicator, but it is not really necessary once you know what kind of person you are talking to, and what their major opinions are. If I am talking to Sandy, for example, I know that she thinks the Bible to be infallible, so when she says something like “God condemns homosexuality,” I know this is her opinion based on her interpretation of the Bible as God’s infallible Word*, and not necessarily a definite fact. Sometimes, yes, it can be hard to discern what a person means specifically, but I think such instances are fairly few, and cannot be generalised to a formula we can set out to avoid.

Point 3: Well…what would you call it? In the past week or so discussion has become (as far as I know) more heated than it has been since the site was started, and it has reached the point where we are even considering banning some topics because they are too explosive. [shrugs] I would call that a mess, but then, that’s just my opinion. 🙂

As for the rest, what can I say – you have me pegged. I am constantly criticised for being blunt – in terms of opinions and truth you could say I have a ‘go in all guns blazing’ approach – I don’t beat around the bush unless the matter is really serious. And yes, my tone of voice is perpetually stuck on ‘dry’ (of course, in writing that doesn’t always come out so well, so I refrain a bit on here). However, I have never viewed these things negatively – in fact, I regard my bluntness as somewhat of a virtue. But, perhaps, I may go over the top occasionally, and need to re-establish my boundaries.

Also, you have a good point in that I (and others) should try and post specifically as to not offend the other person, but I would say that it is quite difficult to do this because you never know what is going to upset them.

* Sorry to use you as an example Sandy, this was just the first thing to come to mind.

yep……remember maggie…..you are having a break……stop peeking. 😆 😆 😆