hi gang…..there has been some mention of people continuing communication with people off the forum through PM (private messaging)…….or via email.

whist I think it is great that people are offering further support to individuals it does also raises a concern for me.

We have managed to create a wonderfully supportive safe space here on our forum….it is quite unique that way.

As I’m sure most of you know over 90% of our registered users are readers (sometimes called lurkers in forumspeak) and don’t participate in discussion. There are also 100’s of visitors who just come a read the discussions, stories etc but never register.

So my concern is that there is probably a lot of relevant discussion going on through PM’ing that the vast majority of other registered users and also the many who are not registered but come here to read ……will be missing out on.

I’d like to suggest then that we keep the discussions on the forum……unless of course it is intensely private or personal. But the fact that people’s anonymity is maintained by hiding behind a user name….this shouldn’t be a problem.

Remembering also that this is a cruise free zone……which means that people are not to use this site to hook up or come on to people. If this ever happens to you through someone PM’ing you then please notify one of the moderators.

Please let me know your thoughts.

Aren’t the moderators listed somewhere? I’m not sure who they are anymore…

Anyway, yes, AVB, I actually had the same concern. I know I hold a lot of conservations that don’t make it to the forum. Then when I feel like posting on a thread later, I think… “this comment doesn’t make sense unless you know about the conversation I had with this guy.”

I don’t know how exactly to remedy the situation though… I feel like there is a point at which I move beyond helping someone sort out their sexuality and faith and move towards the place where we’re actually friends. So at that point, I don’t think it’s relevant to post all of that stuff on the boards. But hmmm…how to keep relevant conversations on the boards so that lurkers can read them and benefit… hmmm… I recommend posting summaries of conversations whenever possible. Or if you finish having a conversation with someone, add a post to the board describing how it went and what was discussed. That way things can stay personal in the conversation, but important information can be posted on the boards. That’s my suggestion… hope it’s a good one. 🙂

I agree that there are pros and cons to the issue. Ideally, keeping everything in the open realm really is best and this is what should be empahized as best practice. Although, there may be odd times where PM is approriate.

Maybe just some ensure greater clarity in the rules/guidelines – with particular emphasis to the para “Remembering also . . . ” in the OP.

Assumedly the facility for PM can be turned off if it becomes obvious that it is being misused?

Them’s me thoughts!

I think that offline conversations should be the exception to the rule – here on the forum is where the connecting should occur. Sure there will be times when private messages or emails are necessary for one-to-one communication but as the general rule topics should be open to ALL members to contribute to.

For the lurkers on the forum they need to be able to read the posts in their entirety without having to worry about separate (closed) discussions. In my experience as a f2b moderator it’s often only after being a lurker do many feel comfortable “coming out” and registering as a member to tell their story …

Just my thoughts.

0:) I was having a conversation with a F2b[e]er about this very topic on facebook this morning !

I think that significant conversations and thought out prose should appear on here- and then it’s open, available to everyone, and is beneficial to all the visitors on the site. I’ve gained a lot by reading old posts- and rereading ones that I’ve seen before.

But we don’t want to clutter the site with too much trivia- a little bit of lighthearted fun and banter is a good thing, but if we clutter the site with it, then it will be difficult for people to find the really interesting/useful stuff.

So, a separation of material into onsite/offsite isn’t a bad thing.

That said, if the contact has started through this site, then I think that the ethics of this site should still be observed.

I recently added someone on facebook because I wanted them to have more immediate access- since I don’t look at this site nearly as often as facebook. But I made it clear that I was intending to follow the F2b[e] guidelines. Also, I wouldn’t want to see the use of this forum downgraded.

Someone from here recently sent me a friend request- which I consider to be a high honour. But it’s more about knowing each other better- and again, I emphasised the F2b[e] guidelines.

We all value this site, and we must all take care that we post to the appropriate places.