19yr old semi-out lesbian Brisbane

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Joined in 2009
September 30, 2009, 22:19

Hey brothers and sisters in the faith and the struggle

Thought I’d make myself known on this forum. I’m a 19 yr old christian living in Brisbane for the moment. I’ve been following God for 4 years and have lived an extremely blessed life to date. I’m the only believer in my family of 6 and am currently so happy to be part of an incredible apostolic church – not to say that it is a gay affirming church (it’s not), but an awesome house and fellowship and a thousand other things I could think of that seem so much more relevant to me in my faith.

I came out first to my brother then parents (not pretty at all) then a random selection of friends (both christian and not) in march this year. It was prompted by the fact that at the time I was seeing an beautiful girl who helped open my eyes to myself. Our relationship felt so natural and lovely to me that there was no denying I was gay anymore. I had had inklings before this – you know, the things we’ve all shared – stronger-than-normal feelings for friends, double glances at pretty girls, never really getting into those romantic comedies like our hetero friends did ( I just thought they were rubbish movies. I laughed when I then saw a lesbian romance and could finally relate). Looking back, there had been two times before actually accepting I was gay that I should already have been convinced of it. The first was on a school trip to France where I was convinced another girl was gay and was considering being with her if she told me so. On the same trip, another girl brought me to tears because I was so attracted/infatuated with her. Keeping in mind that I considered myself a really strong, head-screwed-on type of girl, it was terrifying to think I could be so emotionally shaken. The second time was on a christian camp I elected to go on – I remember being so hungry for God that I went regardless of the fact that I knew only one other person, It took place on my 18th b’day and I could hardly afford it. I couldn’t keep my eyes off a girl I met there – I spent the eve of my ‘adulthood’ crying to God in disbelief, desperately asking for change.

Like many of us are familiar with, that change never came, and instead I was given the grace to accept myself for who I was. Naturally I studied parts of scripture and points of secular research on sexual orientation to see where I could stand. Two things I knew; homosexuality was not a choice, it was inbuilt in me, and God was amazing and He loved me even more than I loved Him. Unfortunately in current times (change will come!) there are so few of us who can take the stance that holds both these statements to be true. We who can are in my opinion a very privileged minority.

There’s not a whole heap of support around me, but it’s lack I’ve never felt has come from God. It’s from other people’s ignorance and misunderstanding. I think I’m more at peace with the issue than those who don’t need to deal with it in themselves (referring to non-christian gays and hetero christians).

I’m not really out at my church yet. I’ve told a few people and naturally I thought the word would spread but apparently they’re respecting me (although I didn’t mind). I will tell more people eventually – but only when it is fitting – like I touched on earlier I don’t see my sexuality as having an influence in the way I serve, love, worship etc. I know the news won’t be welcomed with open arms, but the best I can do is live an authentic life and continue to follow Christ – then at least there’s two of us kept happy.

I truly hope the walls that divide Christianity and homosexuality can be torn down , just as those regarding race, gender equality etc have been before. If anyone in Brisbane would like to meet up please let me know.

Blessings x

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
October 1, 2009, 11:58

HI Kholo…..its so great to have you join us in our forum….and thanks for the insight into your journey.

there is a questionning going on in our circles these days……not all but some. One of the best ways to come out is to work out who are high risk, medium risk and low risk. then work out at what pace you need to share with these people ….some we dont need to disclose to. Also how much do we need to let them know.

how did you hear about us.

Joined in 2009
October 12, 2009, 23:57

Thanks AVB,

ah I found out about freedom2be through the wonderful world of facebook. I think a common link through a gay marriage page got me here. Was so relieved to find it 🙂

Joined in 2007
October 13, 2009, 00:19

Welcome, Kholo!

It’s great to hear that you found us through facebook that’s encouraging that there was a crosslink to this site.

Your story is encouraging and interesting–wish I’d had things as together as you seem to at 19! I was well into my 30s before I could even admit to myself that I was gay, and didn’t admit it to anyone else, apart from my then husband, until I was 44.

I think it is wonderful that the world has changed to a point where young people are less afraid to come out sooner.

Great to see you here!

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
October 13, 2009, 01:38

thank god for facebook again….. 😆 😆 😆

Joined in 2007
October 14, 2009, 21:54

Hey Kholo!

Welcome to F2b. I’m always happy to welcome another woman among us, this place gets a bit gay-male-centric at times 😉 😆 Feel free to join in any of the discussions in other parts of the forum too, we would love your input if anything takes your interest or if you, yourself, have a discussion you want to start.

It’s a brave thing to do, post your story online for the world to see and I really appreciate you doing it. I hope that we, as a community, can help to support and encourage you as both brothers and sisters in Christ and gay and lesbian individuals.

If you have any concerns or queries feel free to ask our friendly moderators (their ID’s are at the top of the welcome page) or myself.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
November 4, 2009, 19:44

Hi Kholo

I like what you said about God giving you the grace to accept yourself, as well as this:

I think I’m more at peace with the issue than those who don’t need to deal with it in themselves (referring to non-christian gays and hetero christians).

That’s really beautiful! Thank you.

All the best to you,

Ann Maree

Joined in 2010
April 26, 2010, 21:26

love your story! sounds really really really similar to what was and is going on in my life! amazing to hear stories of people with similar experiences!

i’m a pretty tough girl when it comes to many things, but when it comes to crying over a girl, cant really help it. haha

around october last year, i came out to this girl i fell head over heels for (coming out for the first and currently, the only time, to a girl i fancied), she was a christian but was from a very closed minded christian background and she said that from what she knew about the bible and God, she doesn’t quite accept it. i tried to explain but she basically said she’ll be sticking to what she learnt from her church. i didn’t really mope about it as much as i thought i would tho. i think cause it was just such a relief to actually, for the first time, being able to say what i really felt to someone. she’s finished her studies here in newcastle nsw and went back to her home country but i must say, i still do fancy her a whole darn lot! but well.. haha what can we do 🙂 we will always have God to look to for strength and comfort whenever, wherever and in whatever situation 😀


Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
April 26, 2010, 21:36

Ouch! Unrequited love is so painful.. Wouldn’t it be good if it didn’t have to be?

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
April 29, 2010, 02:45

love changes everything!/notes/glb-coaching/falling-in-love-will-change-everything/108056896023

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