20 yr old guy struggling in a christian background/ out

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Joined in 2008
May 13, 2008, 20:40

Well I don’t think my story is exciting, But i was told i should post my story on here… So i have lol.

*When i was about 10 yrs old i was sexually abused by my next door neighbour at the time, i didn’t know what to do about it being so young and scared. even though his sick voice was telling me its our lil secret. i lived with it for many yrs… this experience made me question my sexuality!!!

*When i was 12 yrs old i’ve noticed that i became more interested in boys more than wat could be percieved as normal,but i denied it for a good 8 yrs this desire became stronger as i got older.

*At 18 i was so depressed i stopped living. i thought to myself how can i be gay if i am a christian, i prayed earnestly hard for god to make me “Normal” but the prayer was never answered. i struggled with faith and homosexuality.

* I finally got myself a bf and then i decided wat i was, I must be gay if i have a bf? then i came out to my family, it was hard but worth it cause now i am happier being me!!! my family took it overall ok but personally they took it hard. My mum took it the hardest my dad just went quiet and pretends im not gay. Like i said my mum told me she loves me cause im still her son but wat i do is an abomination the funny thing is she told me the other day that she accepts that i am gay yet is unable to come to terms when i tell her im still a christian and im not allowed to discuss my lifestyle either so it just proves alot doesn’t it

***Well thats my story in a nut shell, thank you for reading it ***

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
May 13, 2008, 22:54

Hey Shotgun……welcome to our space…..or should I say your space. You’ll find that you’ll have lots of people here who understand.

I think its unfortunate that some gay and lesbians first same sex experiences are abusive. I’m sure it doesn’t help later to see that our sexual orientation is normal and natural.

Even though I never experienced abuse I know that my first same sex experiences never contained any tenderness, affection or any level of connection. It wasn’t till my 40’s that I discovered what same sex love was.

I guess it is the same for a heterosexual who is abused by someone of the opposite sex. It can take some time to separate that experience and see sex as something wholesome…….just thought I’s share those few thoughts Shotgun……..hope to hear more from you.

BTW……have you seen the thread about christian parents who don’t understand

Joined in 2007
May 13, 2008, 23:20

Hi shotgun, welcome to the forum.

Hope you like it here! 🙂

Joined in 2006
May 14, 2008, 09:47

Welcome Shotgun 😀 and thankyou for sharing your story, looking forward to hearing from you more.

Joined in 2007
May 14, 2008, 09:57

Hi Shotgun,

Welcome to F2b.

How did you end up coming to terms with your faith and your sexual attraction? If you don’t mind me asking. What made you change your mind and realize that you could be gay and Christian simultaneously?

Joined in 2008
May 15, 2008, 15:49

Thanks all for the welcome and such….

Shantih Shantih Shantih
Joined in 2008
May 17, 2008, 23:14

Hey Shotgun,

I’m sorry to hear about all that stuff that’s happened to you, if you ever need to talk about it more, as Anthony said, this is a safe place, and I’m sure you’re more than welcome to PM anybody here. 🙂

I’m glad things are starting to look up though. 😀

God bless,

– William

Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2008
June 19, 2008, 01:33

Hey mate,

I can relate to your story on so many levels. It’s great to see that you are accepting yourself and stay strong in God despite what anyone else says.

I hope things get better with your Mum.

All the best champ!!

Ben 😀

Joined in 2008
July 20, 2008, 23:43

Hey there Shotgun!

Welcome to the space, I have honestly gained so much from just realising that there are other people out there in the world who have gone, or are indeed going through, the same thing as we are/have. Everyone is right, it is a safe place.

Your parents reactions sounds remarkably similar to mine. I came out two years ago and my parents initial reaction was severe. My mum took a nervous breakdown and was heavily medicated for the first 6-8 months, she is still on tablets (just not as strong). My dad retreated back into himself and was very quiet, wouldnt make eye contact or look at me. It was a very hard time and suicide was on my mind alot, I thought they would ultimately be happier if I wasn’t there, because I would no longer be “forcing them down The Road that they didn’t want to go down” – a phrase that was banded about a lot those first 6-8 months!

That was two years ago, my parents have come along way since then. Its been a lot of baby steps, but theyve gotten there. Only a few weeks ago my mum openly stated that I was gay to the local church gossip (something which she had been dreading). My dad has read a lot of books about being the parent of a gay child, and comes and asks me questions a lot. So they are making progress.

I know you will probably be sitting there reading this going “yeah thats all really nice for YOU, but what about ME!”, I done that a lot when i first joined F2B. All I can say is, that it DOES get better. I was CONVINCED 100% that my parents would choose God over me, but they didn’t. You are their son, they love you. It will take time, but they are not going to want to lose you.

Feel free to PM me anytime if you wanna chat

God Bless



Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
July 21, 2008, 10:08

nice to hear from you Justin…..and that things get better with your folks……everyone is in such different places with this issue.

Ben recently coming out to his parents could be what we would call a text book example of the best possible scenario.

Time……sometimes it takes time though.

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