21 Sydney Guy - Confused

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Joined in 2010
June 13, 2010, 01:52

I’ve just been to a wedding and while it was great, it’s got me thinking, so thought i would post up here. Saw this site earlier in the week and I’m pretty impressed.

Basically, i’m a 21 year old guy, brought up in a loving christian home. I’ve always been at church/youth and would have always said I was a christian. I’m gay, and have been for some time, but it’s only recently that I’m really coming to terms with it. Basically I’ve tried to pretend that I’m not, i’ve tried to change and now I’ve resigned to the fact that you really can’t just change your sexuality like that, no matter how much you try, read your bible, pray, blah blah blah.

The simple fact is that I hate being gay. I still don’t know whether I believe that it’s ok to be gay (although i’m coming around to the idea) but whether it is or isn’t ok, I don’t want to be! I hate that I’m living a constant lie to people, a lie that I don’t even want to live! It’s just sad that not one person knows who I really am. And then at the end of the day, I hate that person anyway. So I guess that even coming out, or reconciling my faith with my sexuality doesn’t even solve my problem!

At the moment, I just really want to get out of this mess that is my life, but I don’t know that I like the available options. No matter what I do, I’m going to hurt people around me, so I dunno.

Joined in 2010
June 13, 2010, 03:08

Hi 24hourclock

Welcome to this great community, I only joined recently and I have been helped heaps already.

Im glad that your are “…coming around to the idea that its ok to be gay” thats a great start.

I know you said you “hate living a lie” and I am sure that we all can identify with that, but what I have realised only very recently is that it impossible to live a lie with God. He has always known you completely…and will always love you fully.

I know this to be true although sometimes it may not ‘feel’ like its true because of all the confusing stuff we have been taught in our church/family/culture.

There are people here who will reply to your post and who can say it so much better than I have. You have come to a place where people do care about you and what you are going through…and who have answers.

There are lots of encouraging stories here like Shans

Joined in 2007
June 13, 2010, 07:10

Awesome that you found your way here bro.

I understand you bro. Hope you find some answers do your research. Having same sex attraction is not a sin in itself. Hope you can find out if being gay is ok for you and that you find peace whatever direction you will go.

I will say go for a coffee with Benjamin and speak with him you will see that we all have the same story.

Because you live in Sydney I don’t know if you are going to Hillsong.

take your time by finding out the answers that give you peace.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
June 13, 2010, 09:44

hey 24 hour clock……what an interesting username.

Just a little thought about the process of coming out……..the first step is denial…sounds like you have moved on from there.

I talk ,more about the process later… to have the day with my daugther and grandkids.

its so good you found us…… did you do that.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
June 13, 2010, 09:50

PS…..we have great youth get togethers if you are interested……check out events page here

Joined in 2010
June 13, 2010, 10:46



I understand where you are coming from. I didn’t want to be gay either, After a lot of research, soul-searching and praying I have come to believe that there is nothing in this world that can change me, except God. And If he isn’t changing me, there must be a reason.

I want to write more, but I am already late for work :~

Take care man!


Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
June 13, 2010, 11:46

Hi 24hourclock

Welcome to f2b! It’s great that you have found us. Please know you are not alone and we have many fantastic stories here showing progress, triumph and encouragement. There’s Shan’s story and Ben’s and countless others so I encourage you to read them if you haven’t already.

You mention hating yourself. This is actually quite common for a lot of people, especially when they haven’t reconciled their sexuality. avb came up with a great model called ‘Attitudinal Stages toward Homosexuality’. It has the following attitudinal states: (The idea is that we move through the stages toward a positive outcome).

At the beginning there may be hatred (as in your case), then there’s dislike, discomfort, tolerance, acceptance, affirmation (that’s where the celebration and pride come in), and lastly, for some, advocacy.

I like this model because it shows there’s a few stages to work through, and since attitudes tend to be the hardest things to shift, knowing about the stages allows for time to change rather than expecting an overnight turn around. It’s encouraging to notice, as avb has said, that people are reaching a state of affirmation more quickly because the available supports are accelerating the process. This is really good news and something to celebrate. 🙂

Anyway, thanks for posting, 24hourclock. I hope we hear more from you.


Ann Maree

Joined in 2008
June 13, 2010, 13:42

Hi 24hourclock,

Ditto to all of the above and welcome! The continuum model that freedom2b[e] uses is a good indicator of where you might be atm. Here is a link to another thread that might help.

Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2008
June 13, 2010, 19:34

Hey 24hourclock,

My name’s Ben and I am 22 years old and the Sydney Youth Co-ordinator for Freedom 2 b[e].

It’s so great to have you here. Welcome to Freedom 2 b[e]. This community gave me some amazing support and strength in my journey and now, it’s been over 2 years since I came out and I am a very happy young gay Christian guy. 🙂

It’s hard to come to terms with being gay. Even when you know that you are it still doesn’t make it any easier to accept. This is called internalised homophobia. Most LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi-sexual & transgendered) people suffer from some degree of internalised homophobia.

I tried to change my sexual orientation most of my life, growing up I would constantly read my bible and pray and at 16 years old, I even went through 3 years of ex-gay therapy (conversion therapy). Clearly change wasn’t acheived for me, no matter how hard I tried.

You say that you don’t think that ‘coming out’ or reconciling your faith with your sexuality will help you?? I think it will. Coming out is not easy and it is up to you when and how to do this. But for me, ‘Coming out’ was a huge weight off my shoulders and living in truth is the greatest feeling!! Knowing that I could be gay and Christian (which you can be) was a huge relief and it gave me so much hope and strength. I believe it will do the same for you. 🙂

I live in Sydney too and I am always free for a chat over coffee. Feel free to add me to facebook (Benjamin Gresham) or send me a private message on here.

Also you might be interested in coming along to the amazing Freedom 2 b[e] Youth event we have coming up??

Have a great week mate!!

Joined in 2007
June 13, 2010, 19:54

Hi 24hourclock,

Just thought I’d pop in to say hi 🙂 and welcome to the forum. You are definently not alone in how you feel.

..and to second what Ben said, in encouraging you to come to the youth get togethery thing. I am new too, so it’d be cool if I am not the only one :p haha

Hope to talk soon


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