Hey 24hourclock… I haven’t been on the site that much recently, but I decided to drop in and when I saw your thread, I knew I had to personally reply to it. You and I, we gotta talk.

I’m an 18-year-old missionary kid. Right now, I am on a tour with my family visiting churches across the United States and Canada to raise money for our mission work. My parents have Bible schools, a tribal ministry, youth camps, an orphanage, and on and on. I’m their gay son. I’ve been through all of this stuff that you’re talking about – the discontentment, the shame, the self-hatred, the fear. Talking about things to lose? For years, I thought my coming out could destroy my parents’ ministry, get myself kicked out of school, and force our family to leave the country! I understand and sometimes, I feel the emotions again – not as strongly, but sometimes they come back. It’s life. But listen, I can understand how you feel… and my heart right now is absolutely to just help you out. I would love to talk with you more. You sound afraid, but let me tell you, you come across as far more sharp than you are afraid. I have faith in you; you’re going to make it through this time. Now, don’t get ridiculous, you’re not going to end up some place where you never have another fear ever again or a place where everybody is happy with you – but it will definitely be a night and day improvement once you make peace over this issue. I have a lot of things I would like to say to you, but at the moment, not a lot of time. I’ll be praying for you and I’ll give you contact information in case you want to talk more. God bless.

Hey 24hourclock… I haven’t been on the site that much recently, but I decided to drop in and when I saw your thread, I knew I had to personally reply to it. You and I, we gotta talk.

I’m an 18-year-old missionary kid. Right now, I am on a tour with my family visiting churches across the United States and Canada to raise money for our mission work. My parents have Bible schools, a tribal ministry, youth camps, an orphanage, and on and on. I’m their gay son. I’ve been through all of this stuff that you’re talking about – the discontentment, the shame, the self-hatred, the fear. Talking about things to lose? For years, I thought my coming out could destroy my parents’ ministry, get myself kicked out of school, and force our family to leave the country! I understand and sometimes, I feel the emotions again – not as strongly, but sometimes they come back. It’s life. But listen, I can understand how you feel… and my heart right now is absolutely to just help you out. I would love to talk with you more. You sound afraid, but let me tell you, you come across as far more sharp than you are afraid. I have faith in you; you’re going to make it through this time. Now, don’t get ridiculous, you’re not going to end up some place where you never have another fear ever again or a place where everybody is happy with you – but it will definitely be a night and day improvement once you make peace over this issue. I have a lot of things I would like to say to you, but at the moment, not a lot of time. I’ll be praying for you and I’ll give you contact information in case you want to talk more. God bless.

love your work gettingthere 🙂 🙂 🙂

– It will change my relationships, particularly with other guys…

– My parents, while they are great, will be so upset…

– I hate the stereotype that comes with being gay…

– Where do you even meet gay guys?

– If I am to come out, I will be asked to leave my church…

My point is, that being straight would make life so much more simple, but yet, I can’t change it.

Perfectly understandable. I think aside from the last point, they all mirror many of my own concerns when I was trying to work it all out. The last point was a bit of a non issue because I’d stopped going to church back when I was in my mid teens. For many other people here though, that was actually the single biggest problem they faced, so I count myself somewhat lucky.

I guess for me, I ended up deciding that the only way I could move forward positively with my life was to start working through the issues, and focusing on what would actually make me happy. I surmised that I would need a partner, acceptance from my friends, and also from my family. It seemed like a long shot, but three years on, I’m 24, and I’ve actually made it on all three counts. I’m also back in church every week, which was an unexpected addition that I’m really enjoying.

Now, I’m not saying that others all end up having a fairly easy time like I did. Let’s face it – I lucked out. But I think that if you’ve got a fairly good idea of ‘where you’re at’, then the next logical step is to ‘find a way forward’. And as Ian mentioned above, I guess you’ve already begun, since you’re here. As with many things in life, things can become a lot clearer when you start sharing your thoughts with others.

Anyway, I’d highly recommend you do come to the Youth event later this month – I’ll be there. Ben will be there. Did I mention I’ll be there?

Hi gang. Just been doing some more thinking today after reading some of these replies.

Another big reason why I hate being gay is that doing teaching, i’d really love to be able to teach in a christian school and get involved in the christian side of things, but being gay will definitely mean I can’t be involved with that. Well, being openly gay will. Especially in anglican schools where I would love to go.

Second thing. Obviously on this site, you guys are all about being gay, being open about it, and being able to reconcile being gay with your faith. But I can find just as many sites which are the complete opposite, which offer these programs to beat it out of you, or forums which tell stories of people who WERE gay and are now ‘cured’ or ‘healed’. How is a guy meant to judge truth around here, when everyone claims to have it, and most arguments are (often suprisingly) convincing?

Some of you have said that it would be better for me to come out now, rather than later in life when i’m like 30 because it’ll hurt more people then etc etc. To be perfectly honest, I’ve never really planned to live that far into the future so I’ve never considered that. I see your point however.

Then there’s others who have come out at 18 or younger and I feel like I’m way behind in my ‘development’. How can 18 year olds be more confident and brave to do this while I’m here at 21 still struggling along with this pathetic kinda stuff.

Chris – if you’re gonna be there, I’ll definitely be there, haha. I’m just wondering whether we’ve spoken online before actually but maybe on another site – possible?

Ann Maree – I don’t mean to be rude by this at all, but who are you? You seem like an important person on here maybe? Gay stereotypes, where do I start!! The way they dress, the way they talk, the way they do their hair, the way they choose to have only girl friends (fag hags), the way they sleep around, how they will crack onto anyone with a dick, that they are ‘weaker’ then straight guys blah blah blah. Now, i’m not saying this is the reality, but often these things fit gay guys. I’m sure that I even fit some of these things anyway. I also hate how often gay guys seem to ‘change’ to fit this gay stereotype as soon as they come out – ive seen it too often.

Just a few more thoughts.

Hey 24hourclock

I just received some very encouraging news from a friend who is a teacher. She was feeling incredibly burdened by being a lesbian and working as a teacher in a Christian school. She was planning on leaving and so went to the school priest to tell him why. Contrary to what she expected, he was not at all homophobic and said he preferred her to stay and that he wanted to create an environment of diversity. He said he wanted her to be part of that! She now feels like a huge weight has lifted off her shoulders and is completely affirmed. So unexpectedly good things can happen, even in Christian environments. (I can message you her details if you need more info).

Oh and in answer to your question, I’m a moderator on this site and so play quite an active role here.

Blessings,

Ann Maree