21 Sydney Guy - Confused

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Joined in 2007
June 15, 2010, 16:11


When you said 18 year olds confident with their sexuality…

Circumstances change how I think we all view it. Ben on here didn’t come out till around 20, and then still had stuff he had to deal with.. avennbrown much later. for me at 18, i had had people affirming my sexuality for many years, and me ‘coming out’ … most people knew about me anyway (be careful who you open up to). we are on different journeys.. it has nothing to do with development.

im a pretty quiet person.. boldness and confidence are not exactly flowing from my every pore… i came out (and accepted myself) because it was my time and id satisfied the questions that id been asking for years.. not because i was here, queer and everyone better get used to it… i needed, and u need, to answer those questions.. like is change possible.. before its possible to move towards that point

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
June 15, 2010, 16:54

well said Scotty…..avennbrown much later……..try 40……hehe 😀 😀 😀

Many come out in midlife……..mostly from the baby boomer generation as the society they were brought up were ignorant about sexual orientation. Mental health professionals didn’t realise it was not a mental illness till the 70’s…..laws that made same sex activity illegal kept many in the closet and they married believing this would help. Midlife though is the time when people have to face issues that have been buried.

I have worked with people who have come out at 60 and even later……hard to understand why you’d bother.

But as I’ve often said of these people…..’its better to live one day on this planet being true to yourself than an entire lifetime which is a lie’.

Joined in 2010
June 15, 2010, 17:56

Wow 24hourclock,

You are so brave speaking on a forum about your feelings. Congratulations. 🙂

I can understand where you are coming from in terms of coming from a Christian background and wishing that God would make your life easy and not allow you to be gay. Been there, done that. You’re not alone. It took for me to go to some Freedom 2 be meetings and to hang out with a whole lot of gay christian (and even secular) friends, before I began to accept that being who I was created to be wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

Sexuality is funny (not ‘haha’ funny, but intriguing), in the sense that in one regard a person is compelled towards people of the same sex in a very intimate way, but in another regard our faith and the socially constructed ‘moral compass’ within, makes us feel guilty and gives us a negative view of being gay. This is not a criticism of you, I’ve been there too mate.

At present, I’ve just come out and am in a great relationship, feeling comfortable with myself and the relationship between my bf and I.

Trust that you are created the way you are because God makes no mistakes and your personal journey with your relationship/sexual orientation is such a valuable one, that has the potential to impact yourself and others in a positive or negative way (depending on how you choose to slant it). I believe that you can have an amazing life living in the way that you choose to (not to say that we choose to be gay, but we can choose to pursue whatever we like, due to free choice).

If there is any advice that I could leave you with (not that I’m super knowledgeable), it would be to forgive yourself and use healthy self-talk about yourself. When we have healthy relationships with ourselves, we are better equipped to seek God and to seek the life that will suit us.

Oh and dear friend, try not to focus on what people will say or think (easier said than done). At the end of the day, we are all just humans trying to live life the best way we can. All of us struggle with accepting ourselves, or with illness, or with heartache or with finances. No one has any right to judge you. If they do, then they aren’t worth your time. And I don’t believe God will judge anyone for being who they truly are.

Hugs to you!


Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
June 15, 2010, 18:50

Macman1……that was a very thoughtful and compassionate response…..thanks.

hope to hear more from you.

Joined in 2009
June 15, 2010, 20:23

Then there’s others who have come out at 18 or younger and I feel like I’m way behind in my ‘development’. How can 18 year olds be more confident and brave to do this while I’m here at 21 still struggling along with this pathetic kinda stuff.

It was actually overhearing a conversation about another guy coming out at 19 which made me think “Damn it, if he can do it at 19, I can do it at 23”. So even if you sit on this for 2 more years, you’ll still only be on par with me. I don’t think that’s something to worry about just yet :p

As for being convinced of truth, I suppose this is something you will need to work out on your own. Theologically, both sides have their set of stronger and weaker arguments. Beyond that though, there are certainly some rather convincing reports of ineffectiveness from former ex-gay supporters. I’m yet to see reports saying the same about what we do here. I don’t think anyone can deny that most people who find us are glad for doing so.

Joined in 2009
June 15, 2010, 22:34

but, can I suggest, from my own experience, don’t wait until you’re 50!!!

Joined in 2010
June 16, 2010, 00:13

Ann Maree – that’s an encouraging story to hear about your friend. Especially in the anglican school system though, they will look down very harshly on that kinda thing. Maybe Hillsong need to start a school next?

Macman – I’m not brave, i’m just getting desperate now. Interesting to know that you basically came out and now you’ve got yourself a bf. I can tell you now, it’ll be one thing at a time for me! I’m certainly not gonna be ready for a relationship anytime soon. I had someone try to tell me that a boyfriend would solve all my problems once. Crikey!

Avennbrown and IanJ – trust me, I wont wait until i’m 40 or 50. I either get this sorted now or else I won’t be hanging around.

Cheers for the advice so far.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
June 16, 2010, 19:08

I believe you’ll get it sorted out….and will be thinking of you. 0:)

Joined in 2009
July 2, 2010, 02:15

Hi 24hourclock

Welcome! Welcome! 🙂 Welcome to this forum and this community 🙂

I am not very good at comforting people, but I can tell you that here in this community, you are not alone in going through the tough struggles of sexuality and religion, and that you will never be alone in dealing the both issues, we will be here to support you and give you as much love as possible 🙂

Just remember, no one can judge who you are, God sees you as a person, a wonderful person inside you :), and he loves you for who you are 🙂



Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
July 5, 2010, 17:04

how is it going 24hourclock?

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