Hi there everyone,
Have been watching the forum closely and figured it’s about time to share something of my own.
I’ve only really just come out of the closet in the last month, and I must say, it’s a massive weight off my shoulders to not have to hide my true feelings away (although, my family structure means I still have to, to a degree). Mother and father are a little embarrassed… They’re trying to ‘protect’ my young siblings from my ‘big secret’, and maybe I’m selfish, but I’m not really doing much to hide.
Always knew something was different about myself, just never had the knowledge to put my finger on what it was… I still had to go through the years of wondering and anxiety about liking other guys and not knowing why and feeling like the odd one out. Even dated a few girls, which was lacklustre. Until mid last year when my whole world began to crumble (a friend came out and I was confronted by how real it all was to me personally and how much I felt like him). It felt like I’d reached a crossroads and either I had to deal with this, or live a lie.
Having come from a large pentecostal church, I’d heard all the relationship seminars and love messages before. Always about heteros. Fine, it’s a bible thing and a tradition thing and I fully respect that.
At the moment I feel a bit out of place in a church. Probably because I feel that the messages aren’t hitting the right spots anymore. I know God loves me, Jesus is Saviour. That’s currently enough for me. The rest just feels a little bit of a hypocrisy and a show, to be honest.
So with much stress and a whole lot of discovery, here I am. It’s a continuing journey, but it’s been comparatively uneventful, unlike some stories I hear and my heart goes out to people who have really struggled beyond what I could imagine. I’m a bit stubborn and cut to the chase pretty quickly, so I’ve kinda plowed my way through all the last few years of crap to get to where I am (which is not the end of the road by any means).
Love the work that Freedom 2 be do. Have been touched by it personally.
Hugs and love,