Hey there, my name’s Shayla, I am a 24 year old lesbian who first began “coming out” about 18 months ago. I am now completely out and proud to be gay. I was brought up a Christian and always taught that homosexuality is a sin. A little snippet of my more recent story is as follows..
In January I told a friend from Hillsong church that I’m gay. A while back I had given up on church and the Christian thing out of anger over the judgement and lack of acceptance. I didn’t know this friend too well at that time and assumed she would try to “pray” for me or offer advice, etc, but instead she shocked me when she told me she is passionate about trying to bring about change in the church when it comes to homosexuality, even though she is a straight woman herself. Then she gave me the link to F2B!
Until the day I browsed this website, I believed I was going to hell for being gay and that there was nothing I could do about it.
I heard screaming in my head constantly and, although I had come to terms with and even started to love my sexuality, I still felt tormented with thoughts of being rejected by God. Reading through the articles and resources on F2B answered so many of my questions and put most of the screaming to ease…it hasn’t been easy though.
Two months ago I came out to my parents via a letter that I wrote them. It was my heartfelt desire to be honest with them about who I really am. I knew it would be a shock to them, but I wasn’t quite prepared for their response.
Firstly, I received several nasty facebook messages from my father about how his little girl is filthy and sinful and so forth. Next, I received a 3 page letter in response to mine, all about how I am doomed to hell purely because of my sexual orientation. They trapped me at every corner, telling me that homosexuality is caused by a demonic spirit and that it’s this demon that will cause me to agree with the new uprising against homophobia in society and in the church. I don’t want to believe them, but it is hard not to when they’re your parents. My father and I no longer speak, but my mother, although shocked and confused, has made a point of telling me she wants to keep contact and maintain an honest relationship.
So that said, I am still battling with different thoughts and beliefs that I haven’t quite figured out yet and sometimes this is frustrating, to say the least. But I am proudly and openly gay and believe God would rather me live in truth than lie for the rest of my life. I feel so much weight lifted since I came out – honesty is amazingly freeing. And having F2B as a place to turn to, as well as my beautiful and now much closer friend – who shocked me by being a “different Christian” – has made the biggest difference of all. It’s not always easy, but you CAN come out and live an amazing life – just don’t do it alone.
Love, Shayla xoxo
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