24 year old lesbian, raised Christian, recently out

  Page: 1

Joined in 2011
April 13, 2011, 23:08

Hey there, my name’s Shayla, I am a 24 year old lesbian who first began “coming out” about 18 months ago. I am now completely out and proud to be gay. I was brought up a Christian and always taught that homosexuality is a sin. A little snippet of my more recent story is as follows..

In January I told a friend from Hillsong church that I’m gay. A while back I had given up on church and the Christian thing out of anger over the judgement and lack of acceptance. I didn’t know this friend too well at that time and assumed she would try to “pray” for me or offer advice, etc, but instead she shocked me when she told me she is passionate about trying to bring about change in the church when it comes to homosexuality, even though she is a straight woman herself. Then she gave me the link to F2B!

Until the day I browsed this website, I believed I was going to hell for being gay and that there was nothing I could do about it.

I heard screaming in my head constantly and, although I had come to terms with and even started to love my sexuality, I still felt tormented with thoughts of being rejected by God. Reading through the articles and resources on F2B answered so many of my questions and put most of the screaming to ease…it hasn’t been easy though.

Two months ago I came out to my parents via a letter that I wrote them. It was my heartfelt desire to be honest with them about who I really am. I knew it would be a shock to them, but I wasn’t quite prepared for their response.

Firstly, I received several nasty facebook messages from my father about how his little girl is filthy and sinful and so forth. Next, I received a 3 page letter in response to mine, all about how I am doomed to hell purely because of my sexual orientation. They trapped me at every corner, telling me that homosexuality is caused by a demonic spirit and that it’s this demon that will cause me to agree with the new uprising against homophobia in society and in the church. I don’t want to believe them, but it is hard not to when they’re your parents. My father and I no longer speak, but my mother, although shocked and confused, has made a point of telling me she wants to keep contact and maintain an honest relationship.

So that said, I am still battling with different thoughts and beliefs that I haven’t quite figured out yet and sometimes this is frustrating, to say the least. But I am proudly and openly gay and believe God would rather me live in truth than lie for the rest of my life. I feel so much weight lifted since I came out – honesty is amazingly freeing. And having F2B as a place to turn to, as well as my beautiful and now much closer friend – who shocked me by being a “different Christian” – has made the biggest difference of all. It’s not always easy, but you CAN come out and live an amazing life – just don’t do it alone.

Love, Shayla xoxo

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
April 13, 2011, 23:59

Welcome Shayla……so good you found us eh.

So many people need this kind of info….

This below might be of help to you in your journey to resolve some of those bible verses. It is a part of my seminar Homosexuality, Christianity and the Church: resolving the conflicts.

The process most gay and lesbian Christians go through in order to resolve the perceived conflict between their faith and their sexuality

1. We know deep within our hearts that we are okay

2. If we begin studying a bit deeper we think that we and the authors we are reading are just trying to justify our positions – keep reading

3. The next step is – we fear being deceived by satan – keep reading

4. The next step is – you realise that this is not a black and white issue and the evidence at least means no one can say for certain, absolutely, definitely without a shadow of doubt. – keep reading

5. The next step is – we realise the evidence is overwhelming that the interpretations have been based on reading English translations viewed through a limited cultural lens of preconceived ideas and misconceptions.

6. You realise that it’s not just you who has this new understanding but also a growing number of heterosexual Christians and scholars.

7. No more cognitive dissonance and you can get on with your life living it with purpose and meaning; no longer drained by the subconscious sense that you are condemned and unworthy. The words of Jesus become profoundly true. You will know the truth and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

Joined in 2008
April 14, 2011, 00:35

Welcome, Shayla. I really feel for you with your parents and am glad my parents were not like that, but my church was.

Anthony is right about the process we go through, I also find the following bloggers and writers to have interesting viewpoints:

– John Shore, especially his article ‘My God Cares About Hearts, Not Crotches’

– John Shelby Spong, in particular his book ‘Living In Sin?’

– Rev Candace Chellew-Hodge’s ‘Bulletproof Faith’

– Have you read Anthony’s book? It too is excellent.

I hope you stick around. You’re not alone.


Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
April 14, 2011, 13:04

Hi Shayla

You’re amazing! Thanks for sharing some of your story with us. 🙂

Thank God for your friend at church. What a great gift! 🙂 🙂 🙂

Re your parents, I’m really sorry they responded as they did, especially your father. I’m thinking if you can separate the emotion that often goes with these sorts of strong reactions, that might help a tiny bit. In other words, just remember that your parents are responding as they’ve been taught from misguided translations that don’t take the original biblical contexts or language into account. A lot of us have been there. And they would have been given this information in a highly charged way which further heightens their emotions and makes things very personal. Try to separate their responses from who they are, and from who you are. It’s not really about you in a sense although understandably painful to be on the receiving end of those comments.

Glad you’re here and great your friend knew about us. 🙂


Ann Maree

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
April 14, 2011, 14:09

– Have you read Anthony’s book? It too is excellent.

I hope you stick around. You’re not alone.


thanks for the recommendation 🙂 🙂 🙂

  Page: 1
WP Forum Server by ForumPress | LucidCrew
Version: 99.9; Page loaded in: 0.062 seconds.