37 and recently come out

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Joined in 2013
January 8, 2013, 10:54

Hi, I am new to this site and only recently have come out. There is much I am not sure of and am still trying to find my way reconciling my faith with my sexual orientation, so I thought I'd share a bit of my story.

It has taken me all of my adult life to not only admit to myself that I am attracted to the same gender as I am, but that it is also OK to desire to have a fulfilling relationship. I have been involved in very conservative churches since I was a teen and have always felt different and isolated within these communities. I took it for granted that I would find a man to marry, raise kids and never asked myself if that was applicable to me. yet at the same time I knew I was attracted to women and believed there was something wrong with me. And because of my beliefs at the time I have missed out on many opportunities to be in relationships. It was actually a lesbian friend of mine who got me thinking and examining the reasons why I have always been single.

Accepting my sexuality has been liberating, yet at times I still feel very alone in my experience. At times I feel that I must be the only one who has avoided geting close to someone due to fear of betraying their faith, their family and God.

I cannot imagine being in a heterosexual relationship, yet at times I have questioned whether my having always avoided close encounters makes me less of a lesbian?

Of one thing I am sure of though, God loves me no matter who I am attracted to.

Joined in 2011
January 8, 2013, 14:33

Hi Kreena,

Congratulations on finding your way to this forum and for taking the courage to share a bit of your story. You have described both a sense of being liberated and yet also feeling alone in what you're going through. There are many of us here on this forum who can well relate to those feelings. I am one of them! I also have come out to myself later on in life (46) and agree there has probably been a cost in terms of connections with other people. However – the good news is that you are sorting things out now. I wouldn't be the person I am today without what I've experienced in the past – same for you. So while I find it helpful and necessary to look back a little and try to make sense of my decisions – I do so carefully – continuing to look forward and not getting caught up with recriminations and regrets (hard sometimes!)

I too have been in conservative evangelical churches and have made some decisions to leave this behind and find a more accepting affirming church community. This seemed like an enormously tough decision at the time – but has been life changing and liberating.

A very warn welcome to you Kreena – I look forward to hearing more from you and of your story. You'll find people here with ready words of wisdom, support and a good dose of humour too!

Sarab šŸ™‚

Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
January 9, 2013, 17:27

Hi Kreena,

Welcome to F2B, thank you so much for posting some of your story. It takes a great deal of courage to take that first step and post your story. This forum is so encouraging, supporting and accepting. As you read the stories of other people Iā€™m sure they will bring you hope and encouragement. Many have been in similar situations of reconciling their faith and sexual orientation. As I read your story I was thinking how many aspects were similar to Sarab who has already responded. If you have not done so already I encourage you to read her story. She is amazing, has taken huge positive steps forwards and even though she would say she still has some things to work out she has come a long way from when she first joined this forum.

If you get a chance think about going to one of the F2B meetings. They have chapters in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane and now Perth. They are awesome, lots of fun, friendly, inspiring, motivating and so welcoming and accepting of everyone. šŸ™‚

Look forward to hearing more of your story šŸ™‚

God Bless

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
January 10, 2013, 22:21

Hi Kreena

A big welcome from me also and may I echo the comments of Sarab and Mother Hen, two great ladies here at f2b. šŸ™‚

You said:

I cannot imagine being in a heterosexual relationship, yet at times I have questioned whether my having always avoided close encounters makes me less of a lesbian?

Interesting idea. I don't believe it would make you less of a lesbian. It might have reduced your chances of human connections in the past. Yet as Sarab said, everything that happens to us is important for shaping and making us the strong people we are today. And by recognising where you have come from, you can then appraise that and either choose to keep going the same way or make changes. Your experience and sharing of such will also help others who will be able to relate. Thanks for sharing. šŸ™‚


Ann Maree

Chapter Leader
Joined in 2009
March 12, 2013, 12:31

Hi Kreena,

Thanks for sharing your story. Welcome to the family – the rainbow family šŸ™‚

I also came out in my mid-30's and I also grew up in a Christian family and was a Pastor's Kid (PK).

It's definitely OK to desire to have a fulfilling relationship. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to come out in my 20's but I also know that I wouldn't have had the emotional maturity then to handle it then.

Tolstoy once said 'the most important time is NOW'. Deep connections are more likely to happen now that you have come out. There is nothing better than feeling free and being able to express who you are to others.

Have the most amazing journey of self-discovery this year.


Joined in 2008
March 18, 2013, 21:33

Hi Kreena

Welcome to freedom2b šŸ™‚

Thank you for sharing with us.

I came out in my mid 30's after falling in love with my best friend! We have had many conversations about timing, whether things would have been different if we got together earlier and the regret of 'wasting' so many years BUT we are grateful for all we have now and how far we have come. I'm a believer in seizing opportunities and learning from mistakes, even those thrust upon us!

Warm regards


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