49 yr old Ex Straight Penticostal

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Joined in 2009
May 12, 2009, 23:16

Well to make my story short and sweet.

Basically from the age of 12, I new I was Gay but being a Christian I thought I was doomed to hell. Anyhow after a 2 year study of Theology, Psychology and Medical information I came to the conclusion God created me Gay so people need to get over it as I have.

So after 35 years of sheer hell and another 2 years of coming out to myself I finally came out to my 80+ year old parents. I wrote them this Letter.

As l went out for a coffee with me and my gay mate Matthew from Geelong who came up to show off his new boyfriend Matthew to me and my parents. So they seemed OK with them and with great fear I gave mum the letter as I left.

Dear Mum and Dad,

you are probably wondering why I am writing this letter. I just want you to know that I love you dearly and so blessed that God has given me such wonderful and caring parents, who have been there for me, put up with my crazy antics and outbursts through the good and bad times.

For awhile I have wanted to tell you but picking the right time and getting the words to come out of my mouth just didn’t happen. Its an incredibly emotional issue for me so I have put it to paper. Mum and Dad I am Gay and no I don’t have a boyfriend and Matthew is a good friend who loves God like I do and we talk and pray to God.

Since I was a kid I knew that I just didn’t fit in I couldn’t work out why until I was about 12 and then it clicked that I was attracted to guys. This was my worst nightmare I prayed to God to take away the Gay but he didn’t, its as though it was something I had to deal with myself. For about 35 years I would wake up in thunder storms, from a sweat filled terror thinking that Jesus was returning and I was going to hell.

There seemed no way to escape from my feelings. I thought God hated me so much that I was doomed. I cried and prayed so many times for God to change me, to the point death looked more appealing than life. I desperately wanted it to go away, church was telling me that I was an abomination and going to hell. There seemed no way out, the world was against me and the church was too. It took me years of studying the bible, medical and Psychiatric information to find that being Gay is just another variation in God’s great creation. God said Leigh I created you this way there is nothing wrong with being Gay you are blessed and highly favoured. you are my son and I love you the way you are.

I know it seems a shock to you and will take some time for you too come to terms with it. Its taken me most of my life so take all the time you need. If you have any questions I will do my best to answer them. I haven’t changed. I am still the same son you loved yesterday and today you have learnt something new about me that all of us can grow and learn about together. I just can’t bear to lie about it any more its been eating me up all my life. This letter seemed the only way to tell you, it will help you to read again and again so you can understand what I have been going through all my life. Please understand I don’t want this to hurt you I just want you to know the whole authentic me.

If you want to talk you can phone me. Please understand I do love you so much and I don’t want to hurt you. I tried talking to church people but they just haven’t read or studied there bible they really don’t know. Besides God said he would place his love and understanding in peoples own hearts, so follow your heart Mum and Dad true love and understanding comes from your heart not from some book, deep down you both know the same unconditional love all parents have for their kids its a Gift from God.

Thank you for being my parents I couldn’t wish for anything more I love you so much and you can ring me any time on my mobile phone.

Love Leigh

PS. You might want to give each other a hug right now you will be confused and thinking you did something wrong just remember it wasn’t anything you did that made me Gay. God created me that way and we will grow through this together with God.

Well guess what I got a phone call on me Mobile from me Mum about 30 minutes later and she said that her and Dad thought I might have been Gay when I was a teenager but didn’t discuss it with each other till now.

And they are not bothered by me being Gay, Woo Hoo what a relief, then again I had my speech worked out and everything and it kinda was a let down, But it was the best thing to do.

Hopes this helps others regards Leigh

Joined in 2006
May 13, 2009, 08:10

Welcome Leigh to F2b 😀 and thankyou for sharing your story, with a wonderful outcome….your letter is very touching and such a good letter, Im sure it will encourage many and help many with their own…..thankyou 😀

Joined in 2008
May 13, 2009, 20:59

Hey Leigh,

Welcome, and what a terrific outcome for you and your parents 😀 There was no malice at all in the letter, and I really think that helps when you’re honest and sincere about the reasons for disclosing your orientation. Hope to hear more about your journey on the forum.

Joined in 2006
June 4, 2009, 23:02

Hi Leigh

I really appreciate you sharing that story! It sounds a lot like mine actually except I haven’t written the letter yet…

You have encouraged me!!

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
June 5, 2009, 14:35

hi Leigh….how wonderful to have you with us and particularly for sharing your moving story.

a letter is often a good way to do this……you really get to say all that you want to say to potentially high risk people without being interrupted.

I hope you get to share my with us in discussion etc. its always good to get a variety of perspectives and experiences.

I do think most parents know or suspect…..but like us….they stay in denial about it for years.

Joined in 2007
June 6, 2009, 23:42

Hi Leigh,

Please, do feel free to pop into discussions if something sparks your interest.

Your comment about feeling let down you couldn’t give your speech because your parents were cool about it cracked me up because I had exactly the same experience! My mum and dad were totally cool with me being a lesbian. Dad kind of got this look on his face like he was trying really really really hard not to think about what lesbians do in bed but thats about the extent of it. We get ourselves so worked up sometimes over things that don’t have to be a big deal. I should know, I’m the queen of making a big deal out of nothing.

Thanks for your post, its great to have you here.

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