55 year old lesbian out and free

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Joined in 2011
August 14, 2011, 12:54

I have been a pentecostal christian all my life from age15. I have loved the Lord with passion and diligence. Since the end of my marraige 18 yrs ago have been celebate believing i would go to hell if i ever lived life as a llesbian. I am a graduate of Franks Bible College in NZ and Brians over here. Last night is the first tiime the nightnmare of being back in that place in nZ, broke,owning nothing and rejected was replaced with a life affirming NO I dont need this,,,MY life has been scared by the pentecostal church where I have never been able to fit in.I have just left a church where despite being told i was accepted never was and had no friends. I am a professional woman of substance working in the trauma field but the church has treated me like an idiot and never used my giftings because I am too different..I have fought my sexuality all my life but over the past two years have found a group of women who have accepted me become friends and mates.I am a surfer and sailor and finally dont feel ashamed for being a dyke. No amout of so called deliverance is ever going to change that and I refuse to go back to a friendless life. I just came out to my pastors and was offered more ex gay stuff and told i was going to hell…..I wonder why Im not in church today!!!! cheers JILLY

Joined in 2010
August 14, 2011, 18:47

Querido Jill,

Bienvenido to F2B. It is good that you have found us and we are glad you are here. The pain you have experienced is one that is unfortunately far too common: our misguided brethren misusing (and misinterpreting) scripture to turn their backs on the LGBT children of God. What a strange creation is man to deny it’s brethren the very thing God commanded us to give in great abundance: love!

Fortunately, there are many more churches who embrace the Word and know to embrace all persons, irregardless of orientation. Searching on “” reveals them, their location, and their growing numbers.

As for situations more…temporal, might I suggest looking at your city’s CRG (Community Resource Guide)? Every major Metropolitan Center has such a guide available in free clinics, soup kitchens, libraries, and online which collects and gives contact information about local resources to help you get back on your feet.

Of course, we are always here to offer support and assistance, should you need us.

You are not alone. We are all here for you.

Yours in Christ,


Joined in 2011
August 14, 2011, 22:06

Thanks for your kind words Raul. Living in a country town leaves few options for church. I am so blessed to have found this site and to realise that there are many others who have walked this path and that i am not alone. I have found the resources very helpful and affirming. I rejoice that I know God acepts me as I am. It will take sometime to walk out of such longterm indoctrination and to recover from what I now know to be spiritual abuse but I refuse to give up or become bitter.Thanks again

Yours in Him


Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
August 14, 2011, 22:08

Hi Jilly

Welcome, welcome!! It’s great to have you here. 🙂

Your strength of character is wonderful and will keep you on track amidst all the nay saying of the church people. No one can ever take that from you and thank God for that quality which feels as if it’s come bursting forth. Your passion and strength are an inspiration to myself and no doubt, to many others. 🙂

At the end when you say that the church said that you would be going to hell, I chuckled, thinking you might have been tempted to tell them to go to hell! 🙂 On a more serious note though, don’t they know that when they treat others like that, they contribute to creating a hell on earth so you don’t need to go to hell, they’ve made one for you. And that’s not the job of anyone to do for others, especially those wanting to follow the example of Jesus.

Good on you for listening to your heart and following that, not the negativity of others. I applaud you for that. 🙂


Ann Maree

Joined in 2008
August 18, 2011, 20:48

Hi surfjill56,

Welcome to the forum! Thankyou for sharing your story with us. You sound like a woman who has had an interesting journey thus far. I’m glad you have a group of friends who accept you for you 🙂

Enjoy your time on the forum and please take some time to read some of the stories.

Warm regards


President f2b

Chapter Leader
Joined in 2006
August 18, 2011, 20:49

Hi Jilly! So glad you posted! You show much resilience and it sounds like you have decided you just need to move on, this can be difficult but liberating at the same time. Main thing is that you have support and good people around you.i so wish you much happiness in your life Jilly!

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