Hey A! Welcome to freedom2b. You’ve come to the right place.
Trust me I know what it’s like to feel empty in the religion bank. For ten years (as far back as I could remember having a conscience) I was struggling with my feelings towards guys, and I started to become angry whenever I entered church.
I wasn’t angry about the fact that I didn’t get any answers from God on my sexuality though; it was mainly the PEOPLE in the church who, in their heart of hearts, honestly thought it was right to HATE others in the name of God. To me, it is a complete contradiction as to what God stands for, because he doesn’t discriminate. He just LOVES.
Now God doesn’t always give us answers (my mum should know, she’s been through years of nausea, vomiting, neck pain, back pain, you name it – and she had reached the end of herself many times and received no answers from God about her pain), so sometimes we just have to find them out for ourselves, and in these times we need as much support as humanly possible until we find those answers!
Anywho, every time my parents dragged me to church I was quite angry. I wasn’t angry at God though, I was angry that if I went on the stage and shouted ‘I’m gay!!!!!!’, well, I’m not an expert, but I’m 99% sure they would have chucked me out rather than going ‘good for you!’, and to me, chucking someone out for being HONEST and TRUE to themselves? I still can’t begin to fathom it, but sadly it is a reality in today’s society.
So for a while I moved away from God thinking such ungodly, horrible thoughts like ‘well, if I’m not getting any answers as to why I feel this way, and the Christian community would hate me and chuck me out of the church if I came out, why not just join the other side, sell my soul and get rich, but die young?’ I knew better than that. And that evil thought was NOT the answer.
My temperament is a mix of the shy, melancholy type, as well as a bit of the quiet, accepting, phlegmatic type. Check below to find out what each temperament is (most people have a mix of them, usually two maximum – I would say I'm about 70% melancholy and 30% phlegmatic).
Now it takes A LOT for me to stand up and bite back against someone, so after 2-3 years of my parents shouting homophobic slurs when seeing gay people on TV, I couldn’t stand it anymore and I decided to come out to them before I would do something I would regret (topping myself), because they were talking about ME.
When they read all eight pages of my coming out letter on the 4th of July (decided it would be this day because it’s a day of celebrating who you are) it was like a light bulb moment to them. They immediately changed their views and gained some understanding from my perspective. They admitted that they hated on certain people and that that wasn’t right or Christian-like at all.
These last few days since coming out I believe God gave me the incredible courage and strength to tell my parents who I was for a reason, and that was to KEEP ME ALIVE. In all honesty, if I hadn’t of snapped and decided to write down all my feelings and emotions I went through for 10 years to my parents, I would no doubt have become another statistic in gay teen suicides. My parents also said my letter was written very well, like it was 'anointed'.
Ever since coming out I’ve actually become CLOSER to God, and I now wear my Jesus-on-the-cross necklace every day, and I pray every night. My parents accept me for who I am, and God has started answering me again. I had been living my life in FEAR as well as a LIE. But it was time to tell the truth, and I now have nothing left to hide. I’m all exposed and there is no other way but up from here.
It’s been coming up on 3 days now since my parents were given the news that I’m gay, and not only was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, I can actually start being ME. People should love you UNCONDITIONALLY (no strings or expectations attached). Now if someone doesn’t like you for who you are (and you WILL face this at some point in time, as we live in a society of ignorance and intolerance), please know and remember that there are 6.7 billion something people on this planet. If your family or someone gives you crap for being gay or bi or whatever, go find someone else that’s going to love you for who you are, because they’re out there.
There are organizations out there that have your back, the people on these forums have your back, and there are many ‘it gets better’ videos and coming out stories on YouTube which may help you on your journey to finding yourself. true happiness and acceptance.
One thing that Ellen Degeneres said in a YouTube video which really got to my heart was this:
Things WILL get better, but most importantly, "You should be alive to see it".
Keep strong and God bless <3