A straight friend's reaction

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Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
June 27, 2011, 22:12

A friend of mine just posted this on this blog:

Towards the end of last year a close Christian friend of mine revealed to me that he was gay. At first I was shocked. It rattled me more than I thought that anything like that could. I had long suspected a couple of other friends might be gay, but not this one. He was not an effeminate man, did not engage in stereotypical gay behaviour and was someone who not only shared most of my beliefs but was someone who I trusted implicitly. At the time I did not know why I reacted that way. And to be honest, it was not fair to him that I reacted that way. But I did and I can’t change the past.

Homophobia is not the right word. It is probably the word that would be applied to me by some in the community, but I genuinely had no fear of homosexuality. As a straight man what do I have to fear from gay men? In fact mathematically speaking I’m probably better off with there being more gay men around as that just increases my chances with the ladies. The issue here was not that someone was gay, but that it was this particular someone. A guy who I had been friends with for a number of years and who I respected professionally and as a Christian. My issue was that I held the false belief that someone could not be both gay and a Christian. In the past I had always insisted that gay people could become Christians, but I am not sure that I truly believed it.

Read the rest.

Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
June 28, 2011, 00:12

Excellent report, Mr Summit. Thanks for posting it.

Good demonstration that straight people also embark on a journey of discovery – and oh how often that starts when a friend or family member comes out as gay.

Also well demonstrates the problem of stereotypes – which the media (INCLUDING often the gay media) perpetuates. As does events like Mardi Gras as well.

Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
June 28, 2011, 10:18

This is great, it is obviously something he has given a lot of thought too, he is being honest and is also a supportive friend. I read through the comments on his post, he has stirred up a bit of a debate which is great, he has written a thought provoking blog that has got one particular young man thinking which is always a good thing. πŸ™‚

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
June 28, 2011, 14:49

love your work Mr Summit….by your life, your responses and attitude you have impacted this man for good.

Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
June 28, 2011, 15:48

I have to agree with that and I’m not bias at all :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:

Joined in 2009
June 29, 2011, 22:05

Isn’t it just wonderful to see what God is doing? I was most encouraged.

Thank you for posting it.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
June 30, 2011, 08:45

Hi Mr Summit

It’s wonderful that you have a friend who is able to process difficult subjects in an intelligent and aware manner. His shared insights take us forward, opening the dialogue in a new way to include those who might be unsure of how homosexuality fits with their faith. Sometimes people can just dismiss the topic if they think they’re not homophobic but your friend has examined his more subtle discomfort in that middle ground area. And that’s really powerful, showing great awareness and integrity on his part.

Thanks for sharing with us. I’m sure his disclosure will enable others to be in touch with any ambivalence or discomfort they may have in this area.


Ann Maree


July 2, 2011, 19:42

Wow, this is so amazing! Thanks so much for sharing πŸ™‚

Joined in 2011
July 5, 2011, 10:50

Hey, Thanks for sharing. I really liked what he had to say, and his recognition that being gay isn’t a choice, I appreciated his understanding, and his willingness to ask questions, and to reform how he once felt. I have printed your PDF Mr Summit so I can read it.


Joined in 2012
July 7, 2012, 11:23

Hi Mr Summit. That was an amazing blog and it really touched my heart.

I really loved these parts in particular

What I do know though is that for gay people to remain silent, to keep pretending that they are straight is bearing false witness to themselves. What I also know is that for Christians to persecute gays and lesbians is the moral equivalent of persecuting black people because of their skin colour. Gay people cannot choose their sexual orientation any more than white people can choose their skin colour. To say anything otherwise is absurd and denies the fact that given the choice, from a purely objective viewpoint, no one would choose to be gay.

Those were some of the things I went through in my head over the 10 years I struggled with my own sexuality, so it was great to hear a straight guy come to those conclusions on his own as well. To remain silent and pretend that I was straight was not only living a lie, but denying who I truly am. Also, for my entire life, the only experience I have had with Christians is that they love everyone BUT gay people. To me this just doesn't make any sense, because God doesn't discriminate and push people aside… he just loves, unconditionally. I saw this video once of a young man by the name of Graeme Taylor making a speech on equality. After hearing his speech I thought, wow, what an amazing, courageous young man. He could very well be the next president. I had a light bulb moment when he basically said "Martin Luther King once said he wants his grandchildren to one day not be judged by the colour of their skin, but by the content of their character. Well I hope one day we too are judged by the content of our character, and not who we love."

I think sometimes that we often (Christians and everyone else) get so caught up in what is or is not a sin that we miss what the Bible really says about sin. The book of Romans tells us (through a guy named Paul) that the rules and regulations in the Bible let us know that sin exists and the purpose of letting us know that sin exists is only to drive us towards the cross of Christ. Without Christ, committing sins is irrelevant and with Christ sin is forgiven. The whole point of the identification of sin is merely to demonstrate to us something which we already inherently and instinctively know – that we are imperfect creatures who are in need of rescue.

It's true. These days I see so many people using the bible as a weapon, rather than using it as a guide to living life to the max and just loving everyone for who they are. One thing I have learnt while walking on this earth is that no one is perfect. We all know our darkest secrets, that we are afraid to share of to the world because we put on this facade that everything is ok when it really isn't, but I firmly believe that is what it is like to be a human. To expose those secrets, those weaknesses. To know who you are. To realize that no one is perfect. There's the saying "Temet Nosce", which means 'Know Thyself' in latin. It is one of my favourite sayings of all time, and when I came out to my parents that I was gay on the 4th of July this year, I found a HUGE piece of the puzzle about myself that had been missing from my life for 22 years, and I am still learning many things every day that is making me a better person. Not only this, but ever since I came out, I've been closer to God and I bear my Jesus-on-the-cross necklace every single day. It is almost the epitome of the above quote in how it says knowing sin exists only drives us towards the cross of Christ – well, I am wearing the cross of Christ every day! I don't think you can get much closer than that πŸ˜‰

Nobody likes being told that we are imperfect and that no matter how good we think we are, how rich we become or how many lovers we take, the reality is that we are flawed and fall short of the standard that God demands

I agree. We're not perfect, and we do fall short of the standards that God demands of us. We can only do him justice in showing the world that hating others is not the answer. For a long time now I never realized how great a human being the late Michael Jackson really was. He missed out on his entire childhood, and to me, your childhood plays a HUGE part in how we grow up and what defines us later on in life. In most cases, someone who has gone through all of that would usually end up hating others and being a victim, but he didn't choose the 'victim' path. Instead, he loved everyone, no matter how many hurtful things were thrown at him. Personally, if there was any person that was the epitome of what God wanted us to be, it would be Michael Jackson, because he was quite literally a walking Jesus, just loving everyone for who they are. I think we can all learn something from Michael, and I can only hope society one day follows in his footsteps.

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