Thanks in advance to those reading this. I am new to these forums, thinking this may be a good opportunity to get some help.
To keep it short, I am a 23 year-old student, struggling with everything in life, really. I am pretty much in the middle ground, in-between my family. My only sibling, an older brother, came out six years ago, and things haven't changed. My parents have not and will seemingly never accept it. They are so cutting and cruel about it and I have no clear idea why. From what I can figure out (not that they even know themselves really, apart from saying 'it's just wrong'), it is not for clear religious reasons, more of their own upbringing thing. As for me, I have been trying my best to show my brother that I am there for him and I understand and respect how difficult it must be (meeting partners, going on outings etc. as best I can considering my health situation…) And as for my own sexuality and relationships, I ashamedly would say, that I am not able to feel love or be loved, at this stage in my life.
I think I am focussing on trying to make things better, and good things, like relationships, for me, can come later, when I feel better about life.
Perhaps I am abstaining from relationships until my brother's can be accepted as equal? Perhaps I am still questioning after all these years? I don't really know….
All I do know is that my brother is my closest friend and I hope things can get better for us soon.
I am so not one to impose my problems on other people, but I guess I am doing this here to get others' advice, without having to bring it up with people, dragging my problems along when I try to leave the house to get away from them.
I have a long-term health condition, which has, and is, impacting my life greatly, in that I can only study part-time, and can only work casually in study breaks intermittently. So I can't be independent nor support myself financially, adding to the feeling of being trapped in this difficult middle ground. Things seem to never be getting better, and any progress I do make is so small, it is hardly notable.
I feel like everything is too hard, and it seems to be even harder, and more impossible because I can't try my best at anything. I don't have friends who can remotely relate to me in these respects, let alone people who have been through something, or anything somewhat similar, for advice and perspective.
Counselling helps, although as my situation seems to be more of a long-term and complicated one, counsellors have agreed it is effectively limited. I am just waiting for things to get better I guess, if ever.
Thanks for your time in reading this, and thank you for these forums – I probably wouldn't be able to come to freedom2b events, so I am very thankful for this opportunity.
Any and all advice and perspective would be greatly greatly appreciated.
Blessings to all for the new year and thank you again,