Advice please??

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Joined in 2008
October 12, 2013, 22:12

Hi Nj

Welcome to freedom2b 🙂

You have already received some great replies from our amazing community, so I won't write too much, except to say you are safe here and we will do all we can to assist you and support you on your journey.

Warm regards


Joined in 2012
October 14, 2013, 00:11

Hey nj,

Im only 18, and I've been through Ex-Gay therapy so I know what your'e going through. I don;t go to any Church at the moment but there are many who accept us. I feel though that I can have a deep faith and spirituality without a Church group. Being a Christian has helped me deeply come to terms with being Gay. It may help to Pray to God and read scripture with the question of sexuality in mind.I know that Christ will help you through these tough times as he did with me.

All the best,


Joined in 2013
October 15, 2013, 00:45

Hi nj…reading your story made me want to reach out through the computer screen and give you a hug. Lots of hugs. You need it.

In addition to what others have said here I will add that there are many bible verses that you can hold close to your heart. It is possible to reconcile homosexuality with Christianity and I will go so far as to say that many Christians, your parents included, can go very far down the path of self-righteousness without questioning. 1 John 4:1 tells us to question every spirit for there are false prophets in the world, and 1 Kings 19:11-13 says that God speaks in a small, still voice. Contrast that with the theatrics and domineering attitude of many anti-gay preachers who claim to speak for God and if you cannot find humility and stillness in them, maybe they aren't the ones to be listening to.

Joined in 2012
October 21, 2013, 10:26

Hey Nj. Whilst I myself haven't gone through any sort of conversion therapy, I have come to realise through research and the fact that I myself am gay (and going through all the rollercoaster-emotions), that being gay is just the way you're born, or as Lady Gaga says, 'baby I was Born This Way'.

Some like to quote that being gay is 'unnatural', which I find hysterical and ironic, because it's in nature itself – therefore making it natural. In fact there are over 450 recorded species of gay animals. I wish David Attenborough would talk about these facts, but sadly television and media are quite homophobic (with a few exceptions like Modern Family and The New Normal), but that's a whole other topic in and of itself and I digress…

From the countless videos I have seen on conversion therapy, the only thing that ever seems to come out of it is leaving their victims worse off, with feelings of guilt, shame, and the denial of oneself. They don't (and can't) change sexual orientation, rather, they try and change your sexual behaviour and get you to admit you've come to some revelation that you've changed. There's a video below with a small segment on conversion therapy explaining this a bit more at 3:08 (The video is a bit sarcastic in nature, but has some insightful information)

Denying oneself is extremely unhealthy. I should know, I did it for almost 17 years before I came to the realization that I was born gay, and that my sexual orientation won't change. Denying who I was left me having to pick up the pieces and try to regain my lost confidence as a result. These conversion therapies are very bad and do just that – make you deny your true self. And to prove my point further, Exodus International, one of the biggest conversion therapy organizations has shut down after many years of trying to change people's sexual orientation, and have given an apology saying they can't change people and won't try to anymore. And whilst there are a few in the gay community who feel their apology isn't enough after the damage they've caused, I think shutting down and simply owning up to the truth that you can't change a person's sexual orientation is good enough for me.

Here's Exodus on their apology:

And in regards to homosexuality being an abomination, it's important to know that a few verses above that particular passage in scripture, it talks about shellfish also being an abomination, and mixing two different fabrics. When taken into context, you begin to realize there's more to it than taking it literally, and that, 'abomination' in those days meant it was 'unclean' or 'uncustomary' for two men or women to be together as in those days people needed to procreate and populate the earth. It is most likely the reason why, I forget who, but some important figure in the bible was struck dead by God for 'spilling seed', rather than using it to create a baby. Quite harsh if you ask me! When you think about that scenario nowadays however, with a population of more than 7 billion people, procreation isn't exactly a problem anymore!

Here's a great part of Prayers for Bobby on it:

Furthermore, if we all lived life through scripture literally, we would have some serious problems – children would be stoned to death for arguing with their parents for example, not to mention all of us being guilty of shaving, or wearing two different fabrics.

Here's a funny episode of The West Wing on the whole abomination thing also:

I hope this helps in some way

P.S. I can't fully relate to going to church, but what I would suggest is finding an 'affirming' church, which accepts you just as you are. No conditions (love with conditions is not love). As Macklemore and Ryan Lewis' song 'Same Love' says…

Live on and be yourself

When I was at church they taught me something else

If you preach hate at the service those words aren't anointed

That holy water that you soak in has been poisoned

When everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless

Rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen

I might not be the same, but that's not important

No freedom till we're equal, damn right I support it

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