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As a non-believer at F2B Meetings...

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TimP
 
Joined in 2010
June 23, 2013, 17:23

Hi all,


I wanted to share something that feels a bit awkward, but which nonetheless I need to express.


I've been to only two F2B meetings in my home town Brisbane – the first, and the latest. Going back last week I realised that being ex-Christian as well as an ExGay 'survivor' I find it difficult to engage with Freedom2Be events that are centred around discussing how Faith and sexual/gender orientation could be reconciled.


There are a number of reasons for this.


One is that I don't wish to cause discomfort to people who do believe by expressing my own conflicting views – for example, that I don't find alternative readings of Romans 1 convincing. However much it may be said from the front that all views are welcome, I can't help being aware that I don't know everyone at a F2B meeting – and that it could be personally distressing, even traumatic, for some of these people to hear me saying why I see little sense in beliefs which have a profound significance for them. I would rather not speak at all if there is any risk of this.


Also I am not interested in exploration of Christianity as a belief system, however flexible. I actually find it very stressful having to listen for sustained periods to discourses about it without having the power to call a halt and sort my own head out about what's been said. My feelings can often still be raw and difficult in this area. Having said this, I am very interested to hear of people's personal experiences of Christianity as it has been meaningful for them.


Additionally, I don't find the format of some sort of address from someone or watching a film of a speaker to be helpful. It seems constrictive to privilege one viewpoint over other people's by the amount of time and attention we pay to it. I would prefer a more round table approach, where people could just speak of their own experiences. (I realise this has its own problems of making people feel put on the spot, though.)


I don't want to seem to be criticising what is on offer at F2B meetings. I appreciate the work of those who organise them, and that they may be exactly what a lot of people want and need. But the difficulties I describe are real for me, and I think there may be others who share them to some degree.


For me, the greatest healing comes from the informal social contact, and finding people with whom you feel a mutual sense of wanting to talk further. As a suggestion, could I ask if it would be possible to advertise times/venues for both the programmed and social parts of the evening, so that I could avoid what is troubling for me and glean what is helpful?


Goodwill to all.


T

Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
June 23, 2013, 19:07

Hi TimP,


In many ways you turned up to an unusual meeting at Freedom2b. We've recently had a number of people join the community who are struggling to reconcile their sexuality and faith and who do still care about what the bible says. Thus we thought it was pertinent to discuss this topic at this time. We aren't usually this bible heavy. 🙂


For your reference, since the start of the year we've had a story telling session, a discussion with Andrew Marin (a "bridge builder" from the US), we watched a video on homosexuality within Islam, and we discussed how to have difficult conversations. Next month we are having another discussion about the moments that brought us to self-acceptance. Nonetheless, I understand that we cannot be everything to every one (especially at individual meetings) which is why we do our best to publicise the topic of the meeting beforehand.


Those of us that want to socialise usually head to the emporium a little after 9pm and you're definitely welcome to join us then if you don't want to come to the main meeting. 🙂

Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
June 23, 2013, 19:58

Hi Tim,


I was actually going to encourage you to contact the chapter leaders but Mr Summit beat me to it 🙂 As you can see from his reply they do cover a variety of subjects 🙂 I can understand from your position that discussing how Faith and sexual/gender orientation could be reconciled might not be where you are at, at the moment, or possible ever again. If you have read many of the stories on this forum I think you will be able to see that for some people this is a really important issue that many have struggled over and has caused a great deal of pain and grief for some people. So from time to time these issues do need to be discussed, I'm sure you can appreciate that.


Quote from TimP on June 23, 2013, 5:23 pm


One is that I don't wish to cause discomfort to people who do believe by expressing my own conflicting views – for example, that I don't find alternative readings of Romans 1 convincing. However much it may be said from the front that all views are welcome, I can't help being aware that I don't know everyone at a F2B meeting – and that it could be personally distressing, even traumatic, for some of these people to hear me saying why I see little sense in beliefs which have a profound significance for them. I would rather not speak at all if there is any risk of this.


I want to commend you on your sensitivity and consideration to other's 🙂 It's awesome that you realise that other's are in a different place than you, and you want to be considerate and respectful of that 🙂


I think with all group meetings whatever they are that some you really enjoy and other's aren't ones cup of tea. Hopefully it balances out and overall we enjoy the groups we go too. 🙂

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
June 24, 2013, 07:17

Hi Tim

Thanks for your thoughtful feedback and consideration of others. 🙂

Not everyone at f2b considers themselves Christian and we are more than OK with that. Sometimes reconciling faith is about integrating new practices and beliefs into the previous faith or forming a new set of beliefs or philosophies which may include leaving Christianity behind altogether. The latter definitely includes the choice to be "non believing". You are not alone and it's good that you are questioning things. 🙂

As Mr Summit has offered, the flexibility is there for you to attend the social part only if you prefer or to try another meeting that's more dialogue-oriented and less bible focused.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

ShadowBoxer
Moderator
Joined in 2005
June 24, 2013, 19:27

Hi TimP


Im not going to cover the points already posted by by others….


However I understand where you are coming from.


From our mission

It is not our intention to get people to leave churches or go back to them or tell them what they should believe. That is your decision and journey. Our only intention is to provide a space for people to grow and resolve any issues they may have about their sexuality and/or their beliefs.


Having said that check what the topics are and if the topic doesnt interest – go along afterwards.

(You can find that under events on the website http://www.freedom2b.org/rsvpmaker/ )

I cant speak for the chapter leaders – but I would enourage you to go along and introduce yourself to the F2B leaders and perhaps have a chat to them at a meeting about topics you might find interesting and they can tell you when those may be coming up.


Also I know its not the same as a social group but feel free to start any discussions on here (as you have done – which is great)


Thanks

forestgrey
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
June 25, 2013, 20:04

Tim – G'day! Understand your dilemma and the others have answered well. freedom2b is a somewhat unusual organization with an unusual mission. We particularly (but not exclusively) are geared towards people " … from Christian backgrounds … " who have had / do have / might have issues associated with " … reconciliation of their sexuality and/or gender identity and their faith."

At freedom2b meetings, we live with the tension that some of us want to maintain practicing our faith (even if that means a change to previous practice), whilst others of us have moved away from (even been forced away from) any previous faith position – indeed, can have past hurts 'triggered' by any 'faith conversation'. Whilst one meeting on its own may be more one way or the other, hopefully if you attend a number of meetings, things will be more balanced.

As our guidelines say, "It is not our intention to get people to leave churches, go back to them or tell them what they should believe". But, neither do we say (or want to imply) to anyone that you should not accept/maintain/resume faith or reject/leave any previous faith. It's your call – we just want to be a safe place where those interested in the issues can listen to, and partake in, a relevant range of discussion.

Cheers ~ david



Michelle
President
Joined in 2008
June 25, 2013, 21:58

Hi Tim

Thank you for your post 🙂

It's important that we receive honest feedback about our meetings and I appreciate your candour in doing so. As already suggested we try to have a variety of approaches and topics to meet the needs of all those who attend, including yourself 🙂

As Mr Summit already said you can certainly choose to come along for the social connection after the meetings if that is what you might prefer. I hope to get up to the Brisbane chapter later this year so if opportunity presents itself I hope we can meet in person.

Warm regards

Michelle

TimP
 
Joined in 2010
June 26, 2013, 11:37

Thank you to everyone for your concerned and considerate responses above. Thanks especially Mr Summit, I appreciate the invitation to just participate in the social aspect if I don't feel comfortable attending the structured part of the meeting.


On a practical note, where are forthcoming meeting topics for Brisbane F2B meetings posted? When I click on the Brisbane link under Events it says 'No events currently listed'.

ShadowBoxer
Moderator
Joined in 2005
June 26, 2013, 11:38

Tim


as I noted on my post

(You can find that under events on the website http://www.freedom2b.org/rsvpmaker/ )


Im sorry I wasnt clear – – all the chapters post on that page – so you may need to scroll down to find the brisbane event.

You will need to chat to the Brisbane team to find out when they post the details for the next meeting

TimP
 
Joined in 2010
June 26, 2013, 12:08

I had looked at the main events, and there is nothing yet forthcoming listed for Brisbane – sorry I thought there must be somewhere else things were posted, as Mr Summit made reference in his post to the next meeting. I'll look out for the announcement when it appears.
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